Black Uniforms (Didn’t) Matter

State UNC
BobLee
November26/ 2016

Credit for today’s Perfect Headline – Black Uniforms (Didn’t) Matter – goes to BobLeeBuddy Dandy Donnie Baucom a/k/a “The Real Donald” who sent it to me at 2 AM Saturday.  Thanks Donnie. 🙂

“Short List” Larry must have felt pretty confident of victory Friday morning. Confident enough to “let the players pick the uniform”. The players, of course, chose the much-maligned “all black” thereby thoroughly disappointing what loyal fans UNC Football can claim. Alas, the hated unis would not be the only disappointment those 40,000 or so would experience.  On Black Friday amid Kenan’s lofty pines it was a Very Black (and Brown!) Day.

Two, and ONLY Two, football games “matter” in what passes as UNCCH’s “football culture” – NC State & Duke. In this season’s 8-4 record, two of the four losses were to those two “hated rivals”…. The scoreboard differentials were 7 and 1 but neither game was that close. The Fedorians were clearly out-played, out-fought, out-hustled, and out-coached in both critical encounters.

OK, maybe not “out-fought” yesterday but “we had the most players ejected” is not normally a bragging point.   Poster-size reprints of “Short List” Larry trying in vain to restrain one of his black-clad thug-aletes during the midfield melee are already on sale in the NC State bookstore.

Doeren Fedora

Cancel those moving vans!  Both head coaches – Dave WhoFromWhere & “Short List” Larry – are 99% certain to stay where they are for another year. A result of Friday’s outcome that likely doesn’t sit all that well with anyone other than Wuff Superfan Bre’r Kennel.

Kudos to Dour Dave and his valiant student-athletes who “came to play” and…. Kudos to ESPN for selecting Right Reverend Mack “He Lied To ‘DeJohn Skipper ESPNm Boys” Brown to do the color commentary for the game.

Obviously ESPN CEO John Skipper (UNC’75) knew that NC State fans are traditionally among college football’s most cynical, paranoid and masochistic. By putting Mack “in the booth” he (Skipper) totally distracted Pack TV viewers from what was happening on-the-field.  Reports of “a near riot” at Player’s Retreat are not exaggerated.

It can now be revealed that the technical glitch that occurred for ten minutes in the first quarter was for the sole purpose of arming Mack with dozens of innocuous phrases he could sprinkle in to infuriate Pack viewers. …. and to hastily arrange for Ol’ Roy to join Mack “in the booth”.

…. Or as CEO Skipper (UNC’75) called it “let’s give those paranoid sumbitches in Raleigh both barrels”. OUCH!

Those innocuously insulting phrases were like a dog whistle in that no one heard them EXCEPT the keen-eared fans of The Red & White. If you take every word Mack said over the three hour telecast and play it backwards while eating a bowl of Amedeo’s lasagna…. You clearly hear the words “tractors” and “cow college” and “jealous” and “TA’s knee” and “Dudley Bradley”.

The segment where Roy joined Mack on-air was a non-stop cheapshot attack on the mammas of every NC State fan in the history of the storied rivalry.   Again, you can only hear those verbal assaults if you know all the words to The Caisson Song. It is a shame because those irate fans screaming obscenites at their flat screens missed a virtuoso performance by their red-clad warriors.

Trying to talk a Wolfpack fan out of his paranoia is like trying to coax a pig out of a mud puddle.  Both are quite happy …. just leave’em be.

Dour Dave now has a MUCH better winning per-centage “amid the pines” than he does “at The Fairgrounds” causing Frau Yow to leave Bubba a text message about State playing next year’s home game “amid the pines”. Bubba was buzy burning those infernal back unis and has not returned Frau’s text.

The fruits of victory for NC State include (1) another season of Dave WhoFromWhere being beleagurerd by that faction of State fans who live to beleaguer whoever is NC State’s football coach…. and (2) a possibility of “Christmas In Shreveport”. Yes, the dreaded recruiting incentive of spending Christmas playing the nickle slots in Bossier City await the Wolfpack faithful.

“No Longer on Short Lists” Larry and “Guru Gene” meanwhile will take their 0-2 Against Hated Rivals team to some WhoGivesADamn Bowl (but NOT Shreveport). Seats on the one chartered Greyhound for UNC’s football faithful are NOT going fast. Rams Club execs are considering sweetening the deal by adding a Choo Choo keychain and a window decal.

I have suggested UNC Sports Marketing’s “bowl package” include an audio tape of Mack’s NC State insults from the telecasts with out takes of Mack & Roy giggling during the commercial breaks.

Meanwhile at Real Football Schools ….

Mega Fat Cats at both LSU and Texas don’t know whether to crap in their hats or go blind. Coaching Wunderkin Tom Herman lost his third game to a non-Power Five opponent (Memphis) which likely cost him around $3,000,000 give or take. LSU and Texas are now arguing who HAS to take him. “You Do”…. No, You Do”….

Herman’s agent (is it Jimmy Sexton?) was heard frantically calling Oregon to tell Phil Knight how Herman has always wanted to “be a Duck”.

Meanwhile in Baton Rouge, Lovable Ol’ Ed Orgeron tells AD Joe Alleva he will take the job for a bowl of gumbo and an autographed Billy Cannon poster.

Matthew McConaugheyIn Austin, Charlie Strong is still “a black guy” and not bowl eligible AGAIN. Neither of those facts are palatable with Orangeblood Mega Fat Cats. With Tom Herman’s market value having plummeted to the depths of Hillary Clinton’s speaking fee, Texas’ coaching options are now “bring back Freddie Akers”…. Colt McCoy’s other brother “Real”…. and Matthew McConaughey.

Now IF ONLY….

Auburn can beat ‘Bama…. The Gamecocks upset Dabo…. OkState beat OU…. and tOSU and Michigan tie… we can have TOTAL CHAOS.

BobLee…. What about The Notre Dame decision versus UNCCH’s TGU? Phooey…. I’m all out of bandwidth…. Next time. I promise.

###

BobLee

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BOG GUY
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BOG GUY

I have always liked Mack Brown okay (anyone that UNC fans hate so much can’t be all bad), but I do think the Roy Williams infomercial was quite a bit over the top. To Roy, I only have one thing to say about Friday – Scoreboard! Of course, I am not the least bit surprised about the little Blue Interlude from ESPN – they are even more important to the rehabilitation of the “Carolina Way” than that Bradley Whozits that is supposed top be making a film about the tyranny of the NCAA. Skipper has certainly paid his school back… Read more »

Paul Coder
Guest
Paul Coder

You hit a home run with your observations on the game and the fallout. I laughed my ass off while reading the whole thing.

TheCowdog
Guest
TheCowdog

Kennel played for some pretty good ones, Coach CNR, played for some
pretty good ones, good God, I was born to a pretty good one.

In the end:

There’s alotta good ones.

OldAlphaWolf
Guest

Yes, indeed, since I am immersed in Pack Paranoia, I can attest that it is real. It’s kinda like shingles, we all have it but it only manifests itself in times of stress…:-) I actually enjoyed Mack. Brer Kennel’s favorite coach is always the one we have..

Tin Foil Hat Heel
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Tin Foil Hat Heel

Just looked at CBSsports.com projections and they have the pack heading to……..Shreveport to take on Kentucky. The fighting fedorians a trip to buffalo by the sea aka Jacksonville for a skirmish with the vols. Oh and lots of good parking will be available in uptown as the belk bowl will be da U vs A&M as i dont think a win in the queen city will get the aggies heading off to chiclen ranch in celebration. In regards to the season that just was the fedorians finished about how I thought they might but not in the manner they did…but… Read more »

NCSU68Grad
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NCSU68Grad

Remember Pam (Victoria Principal) Ewing’s line in her boudoir outfit…”Bobby, I had the STRANGEST DREAM…” To wit… Hillary to Bill, in a text of course as she and Bill have not shared a bedroom since 10 year PRIOR to Monica….”Bill, I had the STRANGEST DREAM….I thought that rascally rabbit haired bigot, Donald Trump, won the election….but Jill Stein assured me that it was JUST a dream…” AD Yow talking to Coach (for a lifetime) Doeren…”I had the STRANGEST DREAM and told Bill (my husband…not WJC) that I thought you beat UNC yesterday….despite all the idiot coaching mistakes that were made… Read more »

Porcophile
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Porcophile

A disreputable coach from Auburn, at least four thugs in the backfield, nearly 800 grand in hush money — and still our defense sucks. What’s it going to take?

Wildatheart
Guest
Wildatheart

I did not mind Mack at all but I thought Roy overstayed his visit. Contrary to most of our looney fans, I think Doreen gives us the best opportunity for long term success. We really are light years ahead of where we were in TOB’s last year. We have depth at every position. Our players really do look like FSU and Clemson when they get off the bus. They are doing well in class. And everyone of them that I see at practice address me as “sir”. Doreen is still young by head coaching standards and he will learn from… Read more »

Tuffy the Wolfdog
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Tuffy the Wolfdog

BobLee, The vintage Tears of Switzer make a most excellent aperitif to today’s leftover lamb chops. As I munched on some Ramses hindquarters on the sideline yesterday, I was most surprised at the first half Macro-aggression by the black-clad snowflakes masquerading as student athletes. Perhaps Fedora can move to Las Vegas and replace Siegfried and Roy’s animal act with the Larry and Ol’ Roy’s Eligibility Major Circus. Larry looked quite fabulous trying to horse collar tackle his thug-alete on ESPN … a technique I’m sure he teaches all his players. Can you answer me one question though? I think some… Read more »

Radio_Smuggles
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Radio_Smuggles

Breaking: Strong out, Herman in as well as Big Ed down in the Bayou. My two cents. The Hat’s chance to move to either Austin or Baton Rouge was not determined yesterday at Kenan. Real football schools aren’t interested in quaint little contests that matter only between two NC interstate highways. 8-4, Hell, 9-3 is not impressive to real football boosters. Larry will have to show some team defensive prowess to go along with his offensive game if he wants to move up to the rarified air of a juggernaut school. Talent, AKA thugs – lots of em – are… Read more »

Todd
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Todd

Kids at UNC are not distraught. Classes will go on as planned. No this is not our coach protests. I do want your take on Dean Smith being larger than Touchdown Jesus at NCAA.

Bobby Earl
Guest
Bobby Earl

I think next year in Raleigh the Woofies need equal airtime. Chucky Amato doing color with Gottfried coming by the booth in the second half should do it. If Chucky is still busy with the Zips, I’d take a Terry Gannon on the call. I don’t want TOB in the booth though, until Frau Yow has safely retired.

robedixon
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robedixon

Did not watch the game and really am not concerned about who wins or loses. Find more entertainment in watching those who care and even more those who REALLY care. All this has me wondering which coach I would rather be at this moment. Fedora could have 11-1 and 12-0 seasons back to back and still find lots of aluminum in Kenan and no so called football culture in CH. Go to some high tier bowl game in late Dec. and still not get priority seating at the Carolina Club. He would be constantly looking to find a way outta… Read more »

JDanWuff
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JDanWuff

SWMBO and I were between Pinehurst and Southern Pines doing Christmas shows and picking pine cones during the game. I was only able to catch it on radio in pieces but it sounded like the typical State-UNC donnybrook.
Sorry I missed Mack. I used to enjoy the “whine line” show he did during his first few seasons at the Hill.
As to the fans, screw the millennials and board monkeys. I hope neither coach takes them seriously.

Chip
Guest
Chip

Mack didn’t bother me. He reminds me of Mr Haney from “Green Acres”. Roy? I was hoping he’d lose it with a cocked and locked BB gun.

Bob Kennel
Guest
Bob Kennel

Watched the game from our “traditional” goal line seats (section 102 with 350 members of the NC State band who didn’t get to perform in that ESPN Carolina love fest) Half the touchdowns were right in front me, my sister, and grandson. You know we had a ball !!!! Elaine recorded the game, and we came home to watch the game with delicious turkey leftovers and watched the Carolina TV love fest with great pleasure. Even emailed Chancellor and AD after getting a joint email from Dr. Meymandi congratulating Randy and NC State for the win over Ms. Folt and… Read more »

Doug
Guest
Doug

Coach Edwards went 77-88-8 at State College. Do Brickyarder’s, the Wolfpack Club, and the administration over yonder share Mr Kennel’s nostalgic viewpoint?

JD
Guest
JD

So what your saying is Larry ain’t going to Baylor?

OldWuf Vet
Guest
OldWuf Vet

I DVR’d the game, checked the score a couple of times online and spent the day outside painting while it was on. Son and I replayed it after supper last night. It was unbelievable. I try hard not to be a conspiracy obsessed Wolfie; but goodness gracious crap like that sure makes it difficult. Basically it was the tarheel network on television. They just needed to prop ol’Woody up in the corner of the booth and get Michael to come by and it would’ve been complete. It was funny thinking that ol’Roy had to show up to keep the tarheel… Read more »