Black Uniforms (Didn’t) Matter

State UNC
November26/ 2016

Credit for today’s Perfect Headline – Black Uniforms (Didn’t) Matter – goes to BobLeeBuddy Dandy Donnie Baucom a/k/a “The Real Donald” who sent it to me at 2 AM Saturday.  Thanks Donnie. 🙂

“Short List” Larry must have felt pretty confident of victory Friday morning. Confident enough to “let the players pick the uniform”. The players, of course, chose the much-maligned “all black” thereby thoroughly disappointing what loyal fans UNC Football can claim. Alas, the hated unis would not be the only disappointment those 40,000 or so would experience.  On Black Friday amid Kenan’s lofty pines it was a Very Black (and Brown!) Day.

Two, and ONLY Two, football games “matter” in what passes as UNCCH’s “football culture” – NC State & Duke. In this season’s 8-4 record, two of the four losses were to those two “hated rivals”…. The scoreboard differentials were 7 and 1 but neither game was that close. The Fedorians were clearly out-played, out-fought, out-hustled, and out-coached in both critical encounters.

OK, maybe not “out-fought” yesterday but “we had the most players ejected” is not normally a bragging point.   Poster-size reprints of “Short List” Larry trying in vain to restrain one of his black-clad thug-aletes during the midfield melee are already on sale in the NC State bookstore.

Doeren Fedora

Cancel those moving vans!  Both head coaches – Dave WhoFromWhere & “Short List” Larry – are 99% certain to stay where they are for another year. A result of Friday’s outcome that likely doesn’t sit all that well with anyone other than Wuff Superfan Bre’r Kennel.

Kudos to Dour Dave and his valiant student-athletes who “came to play” and…. Kudos to ESPN for selecting Right Reverend Mack “He Lied To ‘DeJohn Skipper ESPNm Boys” Brown to do the color commentary for the game.

Obviously ESPN CEO John Skipper (UNC’75) knew that NC State fans are traditionally among college football’s most cynical, paranoid and masochistic. By putting Mack “in the booth” he (Skipper) totally distracted Pack TV viewers from what was happening on-the-field.  Reports of “a near riot” at Player’s Retreat are not exaggerated.

It can now be revealed that the technical glitch that occurred for ten minutes in the first quarter was for the sole purpose of arming Mack with dozens of innocuous phrases he could sprinkle in to infuriate Pack viewers. …. and to hastily arrange for Ol’ Roy to join Mack “in the booth”.

…. Or as CEO Skipper (UNC’75) called it “let’s give those paranoid sumbitches in Raleigh both barrels”. OUCH!

Those innocuously insulting phrases were like a dog whistle in that no one heard them EXCEPT the keen-eared fans of The Red & White. If you take every word Mack said over the three hour telecast and play it backwards while eating a bowl of Amedeo’s lasagna…. You clearly hear the words “tractors” and “cow college” and “jealous” and “TA’s knee” and “Dudley Bradley”.

The segment where Roy joined Mack on-air was a non-stop cheapshot attack on the mammas of every NC State fan in the history of the storied rivalry.   Again, you can only hear those verbal assaults if you know all the words to The Caisson Song. It is a shame because those irate fans screaming obscenites at their flat screens missed a virtuoso performance by their red-clad warriors.

Trying to talk a Wolfpack fan out of his paranoia is like trying to coax a pig out of a mud puddle.  Both are quite happy …. just leave’em be.

Dour Dave now has a MUCH better winning per-centage “amid the pines” than he does “at The Fairgrounds” causing Frau Yow to leave Bubba a text message about State playing next year’s home game “amid the pines”. Bubba was buzy burning those infernal back unis and has not returned Frau’s text.

The fruits of victory for NC State include (1) another season of Dave WhoFromWhere being beleagurerd by that faction of State fans who live to beleaguer whoever is NC State’s football coach…. and (2) a possibility of “Christmas In Shreveport”. Yes, the dreaded recruiting incentive of spending Christmas playing the nickle slots in Bossier City await the Wolfpack faithful.

“No Longer on Short Lists” Larry and “Guru Gene” meanwhile will take their 0-2 Against Hated Rivals team to some WhoGivesADamn Bowl (but NOT Shreveport). Seats on the one chartered Greyhound for UNC’s football faithful are NOT going fast. Rams Club execs are considering sweetening the deal by adding a Choo Choo keychain and a window decal.

I have suggested UNC Sports Marketing’s “bowl package” include an audio tape of Mack’s NC State insults from the telecasts with out takes of Mack & Roy giggling during the commercial breaks.

Meanwhile at Real Football Schools ….

Mega Fat Cats at both LSU and Texas don’t know whether to crap in their hats or go blind. Coaching Wunderkin Tom Herman lost his third game to a non-Power Five opponent (Memphis) which likely cost him around $3,000,000 give or take. LSU and Texas are now arguing who HAS to take him. “You Do”…. No, You Do”….

Herman’s agent (is it Jimmy Sexton?) was heard frantically calling Oregon to tell Phil Knight how Herman has always wanted to “be a Duck”.

Meanwhile in Baton Rouge, Lovable Ol’ Ed Orgeron tells AD Joe Alleva he will take the job for a bowl of gumbo and an autographed Billy Cannon poster.

Matthew McConaugheyIn Austin, Charlie Strong is still “a black guy” and not bowl eligible AGAIN. Neither of those facts are palatable with Orangeblood Mega Fat Cats. With Tom Herman’s market value having plummeted to the depths of Hillary Clinton’s speaking fee, Texas’ coaching options are now “bring back Freddie Akers”…. Colt McCoy’s other brother “Real”…. and Matthew McConaughey.


Auburn can beat ‘Bama…. The Gamecocks upset Dabo…. OkState beat OU…. and tOSU and Michigan tie… we can have TOTAL CHAOS.

BobLee…. What about The Notre Dame decision versus UNCCH’s TGU? Phooey…. I’m all out of bandwidth…. Next time. I promise.


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