Apathy VS Apoplexy: Black Friday amid the pines

Dave Larry
November21/ 2016

Apathy vs Apoplexy “amid the pines” on Black Friday….

Well, here we are… with what could well be the last game “amid Kenan’s lofty pines” for both “Short List” Larry and Dave WhoFromWhere. A bitter rivalry that still matters to a significant population between I-95 and I-77. …. Farm boys versus Frat Boys…. Cow College versus Commie Hill…. Two self-defined “sleeping giants” with terminal encephalitis.

The noon game on “Black Friday” befits a regional rivalry that still matters to those to whom it still matters. The Lehigh vs Lafayette of Tobacco Road. OUCH!  Can I say “Black Friday” without riling up a “posse”.  Sure… It’s a New Day in America.  Yeah, right….

What UNC FB fans there are on the Planet do care but not all that much. Wuff FB fans are in their usual apoplectic state of Fire This Coach Too.

Fedora Doeren


It is NOT a sure thing that either or both head coaches will be swan song singing…. “Short List” Larry may well be headed to “a for-real football school”, if not an LSU or a Baylor or a Texas then to whatever vacancy is created by whoever does go to one of those “football schools”. Or maybe Larry sticks around to further prove that 8-9-10 Wins with a high-scoring offense can not excite a somnambulant fan base with terminal apathy for anything played outdoors in the Fall.

On the other side of Kenan…. Dour DaveFromWherever holds Frau Yow’s AD legacy in his hands. A victim of Atlantic Division-itis and a propensity to lose the wrong games at the wrong times in the wrong places. “For wont of a nail a shoe was lost” ….. “for wont of a missed chipshot in Death Valley” a job was lost ?

Other than the Louisville Slaughter, Dave’s Wuffs could conceivably be 10-1…. “Conceivably” is a fancy word for Not.

A frustrating season-long inability to “knuckle down, buckle down… finish strong” finds the Men of Doeren needing a W in Kenan to brag (?) about going to (insert name of some silly whozit bowl somewhere) and for Frau Yow to proclaim “we’ve turned the corner” while hoping she can coast for another year or so before adiosing. Bragging about “6-6 and a Whozit Bowl” is an insult to 55,000 loyal fans who keep coming to The Fairgrounds week after week for reasons known only to them.

The WeLoveDave Fan Club is now down to Frau, Kennel, Mrs Doeren and “some guy named Gus in Garner”, but that might be enough to save him.

Speaking of 55,000 loyal fans…. “Short List” Larry would “eat a bug (Howard?)” to have 55,000 fans show up in Kenan week after week. It ain’t happening and ain’t likely to. Back-to-back seasons that Wolfpackers can only dream of…. can not fill Kenan. If Larry leaves (and who can blame him) whoever steps in (Gene The Kenan FansGuru ??) should have realistically modest expectations that there are only about 40,000 “loyal” football fans who will ever “care” enough to show up in Kenan up week after week.

The Butcher will have that many at that Whozit community college in Fort Lauderdale he has conned into a fat paycheck. If anyone knows the whereabouts of “Black Santa” tell him Butch “wants to talk” although they hardly know one another, of course.

I see Black Friday amid Kenan’s lofty pines as a toss-up. On paper The Fedorians should win by 10+.  These are the same Fedorians that flopped at The Wally two weeks ago.  It is “possible” that the Hoos beat the Hokies and The Fedorians win the Coastal and get a rematch with the Dabos in the HB2 Bowl in Orlando. If so, maybe two busloads of Carolina FB fans “might” bother to actually be there…. maybe.

More likely the Heels do NOT make The HB2 Bowl and go instead to a Tier Two Whozit Bowl with only one busload of UNC fans bothering to show up.

The Wuffs have to assume they are fighting for Dave’s job.  Frau ain’t talking but The Brickyard Lynch Mob is …. and if Bobby Purcell’s Fattest Wuffs are hearing them, a whuppin’ amid the pines COULD bring out out the ax.   I don’t think so.

So long as 55,000 keep showing up, even if they leave at halftime, Frau can assume they will show up again next year so why make an expensive change ???

Do I think this is “Short List” Larry’s last game in Kenan?  A definite Maybe…. or maybe not.

If Jimbo stays in Tally, and if Ed “O” can beat aTm, I see Ed “O” staying at LSU.

Charlie Strong is dead meat in Austin.  That one is Tom Herman’s to turn down.  Orangebloods much prefer a nice, polite “white guy”.  OUCH!  Tom does NOT turn down Texas.    That opens Houston which would have some appeal to Larry but not a lot. It gets him back home but not in a Power Five and Houston has issues of its own.

Larry to Baylor ?? Grobe is outta Waco the day after his last game so Baylor is certainly “in play”. Larry was an assistant at Baylor but Baylor whupped Larry’s Heels like a blue-haired stepchild last December. Larry would bring a high-scoring Briles-esque O to Waco that Les Miles won’t… Larry or Les is a toss-up. Baylor is also “under a cloud” of scandal. Does Larry want to inherit Another Scandal?  IF Larry does get offered Baylor, I say he takes it.  Bye bye Bubba.

Delusional Wuff loonies dreaming of Les Miles or Charlie Strong coming to The Fairgrounds are the same delusional wuffies who dreamed of Calipari, Phil Jackson or Pat Riley leading Wuff BB out of The Wilderness.  Frau will go get another Who From Somewhere and proclaim him the long-sought messiah…. yawn.

Larry only leaves UNC for either an SEC or Big 12 gig. He knows those recruiting areas and won’t subject his family to any other part of the country. Oklahoma State is THE job that Larry absolutely takes if Boone Pickens calls… and that COULD happen but where does Gundy go??

If Larry whups Dave on “Black Friday”…. Dave is standing on two banana peels and Larry can cherry pick NC area recruits and continue to average 40 pts/game in front of “maybe” 45,000 fans for another year.

If Dave somehow wins, Frau is a very relieved and happy Frau… and 40,000 UNC FB fans are really pissed that Larry lost to BOTH Duke and State… and Carolina FB fans become even harder to find next Fall than they already are.


Well heck… I’ve run out of space and I haven’t discussed the ramifications of Lebron being pissed at Phil Jackson for saying “posse”. THAT is the tip of a VERY VERY BIG Iceberg that we definitely need to talk about at length. We’ll do it next time ….

##Em Vivian

Oh, Oh, Oh …. Newly weds Emily & Danny celebrated their one-week anniversary by going to Chicago to meet Kinston’s Mega Celebrity Super Chef Vivian Howard (Chef & The Farmer). Vivian was in The Windy City on a book tour for her cookbook – Deep Run Roots. “I was born in Kinston too” was NOT what Vivian expected to hear from a Chicago fan.



Uh Oh…. AgentPierce on that Hamilton Thingy and other stoopid crap – CLICK

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