…Germans bombed Pearl Harbor!

German Pearl Harbor
October21/ 2016

Earlier this week…. on one of those innocuous ESPN “blah blah yadda yadda” shows with A Diverse Panel of Self-Absorbed Millennials; the subject was Cubs fans giving up when the Cubs were down 1-2 to the Dodgers.

An ESPN she-whozit – Sarah Spain – used the phrase “….. did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

IMMEDIATELY Twitter-verse blew up calling the ESPN she-whozit all sorts of nasty names for being so stupid and thinking “the Germans” bombed Pearl Harbor. THUD…. CLUNK.Belushi

OF COURSE she was using a “famous” quote from Animal House where John Belushi’s character “Bluto” goes “on a roll” to his Delta brothers. Alas, not as “famous” a quote as she thought it was.

It was a classic case of “outkicking one’s audience’s coverage” ….. “mis-underestimating the clueless factor” of one’s audience. Stand-up comedians who do that never graduate beyond “open mic” night.    It is the author/speaker’s responsibility to reach the audience’s level…. not vicey versy.

As you regular readers know…. my dear dear dear friend “Albert” has never seen Animal House…. or Caddyshack or Godfather.  He is a global minority of ONE with that particular trifecta.

In that last Ian Fleming column I noted that “Kick Butt Carrie” my CFO has “never seen a Bond movie”. She well-earned her name “Kick Butt Carrie” so I simply blinked really hard when she told us…. while thinking “WHOA”.

Last night at dinner with a “very aware” couple we were discussing books we had read.  Being able to discuss “books we have read” is a MUST criteria if you merit ten minutes of my Life.  The “she” of “Reacherhe & she” asked if I had read any of Daniel Silva’s Gabriel Allon books which, of course, I can now say “well, of course, hasn’t everyone.” Having the day before finished my first one.

I noted that the second “Jack Reacher” movie (with Tom Cruise ??) starts today. The “he” of “he & she” asked, with a straight face, …. “Who is Jack Reacher?”. WHAAAA? For readers of popular “thriller/crime fiction” that is like a Christian asking “Who is this Apostle Paul guy?”. “He” did know who “Mitch Rapp” was…. Thankfully.

A classic example of “outkicking one’s audiemce” happened to me 7-8 years ago speaking to 500 nice, average Rapid City SD citizens. My 2nd book was just out – Seersucker Suits Me – so I was wearing – duh – a seersucker suit. In hindsight I confused SOUTH Dakota with “the South” ?? …. (Insert Lorenzo Charles or Cozell McQueen quote)Rapid City

My opening schtick was based on “a seersucker suit” and Ben Matlock and Atticus Finch et al. The staple uniform for every Southern lawyer…. Yeah, I just outkicked 65% of you with “Atticus Finch”…. Anyhoooo, nothing but crickets from the assembled 500 Rapid Citians. I stumbled thru another fifteen minutes sinking deeper and deeper into quicksand. A joke about “drunken Indians” didn’t have quite the effect I hoped for. I hear the angry mob is still searching for me around Mt Rushmore.

Reminded me of a line from a former N&O reporter after Duke Lacrosse…. “I thought exotic dancers actually danced exotically.”

Of course, A LOT of viewers DID get the “Germans / Pearl Harbor” reference but those people don’t use social media to say “I got it….. cool.”

I regularly check the website AwfulAnnouncing.com which posts pieces about ESPN, FS1, sports ratings, which sportscaster is Most Hated, what Skip Bayless had for breakfast, etc etc. That’s where I learned about thPaul Finebaume she-whozit and the Germans.

The ONLY sports talk show I watch with any regularity is Paul Finebaum on SEC Network. Paul’s callers are the retard 3rd cuzzins of those guys in Deliverance. I can’t imagine the ones Paul’s screeners reject. We’ll talk about Paul Finebaum in depth at a later time.

I made a conscious decision very early on in the 18 years of this website that I had no interest in developing a “mainstream” audience. The “mainstream”, IMO, is quite polluted with a mindset that “gives me the willies”. Watch The Walking Dead and think of all those zombies as “board monkeys”….. Nooo!

In case you haven’t noticed…. I have a very low opinion of “board monkeys” of every jersey color. Why would I want to lure them to this website by running Fire The Coach & AD polls and arguing about which coordinator should be beheaded this week? I’ll leave that oh-so-serious (??) crap to people interested in ratings. I’m only interested in “I told you so” points…. and, of course, Saving Western Civilization From Itself.

I prefer to write like I think and that “somewhere out there” are enough yahoos and galoots who “get” enough of my obtuse trivial foolishness to keep clicking. There are still a few “out there” I have yet to reach so my work here is far from done.

Dennis Miller assures me “they” are out there.   Someday I will take time to explain what “do a Thelma & Louise” means.


BTW…. “Somewhere Out There” will be the song for my & Kid’s Daddy / Daughter Dance in three weeks. I only have to hold it together for two minutes….

Is this website like translating The Rosetta Stone to you. What’s The Rosetta Stone? Aaaiiieeee.  I don’t give subtitles when using metaphors and similes from classic movies.

Godfather… Animal House… Caddyshack… Young Frankenstein… Blazing Saddles… Road House… Monty Python… Seinfeld… Gone With The Wind… Rocky… Princess Bride… Lonesome Dove and you can add your favorite 4-5.

Blondie and Kid have entire conversations using lines from Nora Ephron books and movies. “You’ve Got Mail” being their Fav. Nora Who …..?

Maybe you are not fluent on all or even most of these; but if you can’t recognize major lines from 3-4 of’em …. This website ain’t the place for you.

But but BobLee: “I thought you’d be bigger?” “Yeah, I get that a lot.” (Dalton in Road House)


AgentPierce Has The Answers…. CLICK

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