Humdingers & Holy Cows

Holy Cow
September25/ 2016

Holy Cow

Yesterday’s Big Time College Football was resplendent with Humdingers & Holy Cows. There is that annoying fact that the whole shebang was played out across a Fruited Plain gone down a one-way rabbithole to Freakin’ Insanity. But, if your team won…. ain’t Life grand!

Hey… Am I the only one who has noticed that 95% of college FB programs have finally stopped with the goofy stoopid pimpified uniforms.  Did enough Fat Cats object?  Spectators – 1 …. Gladiators – 0 ….. Whatever the reason; Thank you.

Yes… The Cardinals walloped the bejebbers out of The Vaunted Cubs 10-4… but the nail-biting has another 8 games to go.  Oh My!

‘Twas certainly a grand day for that Power Five conference headquartered (for now) at Grandover over in Greensboro. Little Johnny’s a/k/a “Commissioner Inclusion” Fourteen Plus Notre Dame member institutions had as successful a weekend as mathematically possible.

GaTech, Pitt and Notre Dame lost… but each did so to fellow ACC member institutions. Otherwise EVERY ACC member institution that played OOC…. W-ed. Has that ever happened before?

An idle NC State watched its three fellow Tobacco Road rivals celebrate Signature Wins in oh-so dramatic fashion. That “watching” (and we know you DID watch Wuffies) had to be agonizing. Don’t worry Wuffs; we WILL discuss “Aluminum amid the towering pines” in just a minute.

Even Boston College won albeit “Wagner”? …. Really “Wagner”! Sounds like a Thai-fusion restaurant in SoHo. How many NFL QBs have come outta Wagner? Hopefully that “all important Boston-area TV market” was tuned in.

Not such a good day for Dawgs, Gators, and Bayou Bengals. I’m going out on a limb (not) to say “stick a fork in Les Miles”. Les Miles & LSU have as shaky a future together as Common Sense & America. YA THINK Paul Finebaum will be getting a few Yeee HA calls from crazy cajuns this week ???

The Latest Game Of The Century comes to The Upstate next Saturday as Lamar-velous and Bad Boy Bobby visit Clemson and The Fighting Dabos. A W for The ‘Ville and some pickleheaded loonie will declare them “better than Lombardi’s Packers” ‘cause that’s what pickleheaded loonies always do. The Gameday crew will be at Dan’s Sandwich Shop for sure.

Did ya know that Dave Cutcliffe once signed on to be Charlie Weiss’ OC at Notre Dame? A heart condition changed

What was the bigger “No Way Jose” longshot? A mediocre Duke whups The Irish as Touchdown Jesus throws up His arms in utter despair. Is Brian Kelly officially standing on two banana peels? …. Or …. That woeful little Wake would be 4-0 in September. Who knew that “selling beer at BBT Field” was all it would took to awaken the sleeping giant Deacons?

Speaking of Not-So-Woeful Wake…. When will anyone admit Jim Grobe seems to be doing pretty good down in Waco?  Dave’s Deacons v Dave’s Pack in The Carter could be a doozy.

Which brings us to THE DRIVE Amid The Pines in front of a whole lot of aluminum. Enough aluminum to finally convince Bubba and Larry that It is what it is… and we ain’t gonna change It as regards any sort of Football culture at UNCCH. How many of those who did show were simply there to see Roys Boyz get rings at halftime?

Or… did they come to watch Chancellor Chihuahua’s 30 or so pathetic little gaggle of constipated anti-American snowflakes do what everyone knew they would do…. their little National Anthem protest thingy.  Whiney little brats trying to be “relevant” are so cute, in a whiney little brat sorta way.

I won’t defend UNCCH because there is nothing going on over there worth defending…. other than a high-scoring FB team.  IMO it is a shame that Chihuahua’s Constipated Snowflakes have come to represent all UNCCH students. I don’t believe they do or that their votive candle-holding sniveling predecessors ever did either. That 30 or so whiney brats represent 25,000 other generally decent kids is a shame…. Such are the times we live in.

It isn’t so much that the game was never a sell-out; but that (arguably) 30% of those who did show up HAD BAILED before THE DRIVE. I was NOT there but I was in communication with two buddies comfortably ensconced in The Blue Zone. Two buddies who are TruBlues of long standing and would give their fellow TruBlues benefit of the doubt if they could with a straight face.

ABCers blah blah yadda yadda about a 90% empty Blue Zone outside seating can be discounted. The ticketholders for those empty seats ARE THERE but in the A/C comfort of the Blue Zone hospitality pavilion or whatever it’s called. Putting the VIP Fat Cat section where the TV cameras will always show the empty seats was a logistical “had-to” that will never change. Most stadiums VIP Fat Cat sections are obscured under upper decks hidden from TV view. Fat Cats is Fat Cats is Fat Cats. ABCers will always make more of that than it is but ….. such is Life in close proximity to one’s hated rival.

…. “All The Aluminum” throughout the rest of Kenan is fair game however…. Especially when it obviously increases before one of THE most dramatic four minutes EVER amid those towering pines.  Have those 10,000 empty seats simply been written off as TGU Collateral Damage?  The NFL is starting to see Kaepernick Collateral Damage.

How many 4th down conversions were there on THE DRIVE? Had to be at least 6-8-10…. What could be better than:  (1) a gunslinging sharpshooter named Mitch …. (2) His two gritty Wes Welkers – Ryan “Choo Choo II” Switzer and “Ricky’s Kid”… (3) and “Bug”.

Hard to put THE DRIVE ahead of Magic Kenan Moments: “TA’s Knee” and “Gio’s Punt Return” because no UNC FB fan (ever how few of’em Ryan Switzerthere are) really cares about any game other than State or Duke; but THE DRIVE was “Something”.

I do believe Ryan Switzer merits serious comparison to Charlie “Choo Choo” Justice as a true Kenan Legend. He IS a human highlight film. A couple of those 4th down conversion catches were OMG EPIC! He’s “a playa” in the best sense of that word. I hope at least a few “hated rival fans” might agree; but I’m not getting my hopes up for that.

What might happen in Doak-Campbell next Saturday? Pretty much any scenario imaginable…. The Gene of Larry/Gene is not quite The Magician he was last year; but ya never know.

Does yesterday’s THE DRIVE or Chihuahua’s constipated snowflakes or Mitch/Switzer et al lessen the harsh reality of The Great Unpleasantness? No…. nothing does or ever will. TGU is the Herpes of Academic/Athletic Scandals that will never go away despite ever how many millions in legal fees that UNCCH throws at it.

But yesterday “amid the pines” was A HUMDINGER.

I return you now to an America Gone Quite Insane…..  You are curious what Gennifer Flowers looks like these days.  Aren’t you?


YET ANOTHER Humongous Gianormous Change is coming for Ye Olde Website …. like a Great White always moving forward.  In a Week if not sooner !!!


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