I have always envisioned a most Glorious Grand Finale to The Great Unpleasantness. Whether the final verdict was DEATH….. a banner or two…. a wrist slap & a “who cares” fine…. a “just don’t do it again” warning…. or kiss Ol’ Roy’s a** and apologize for ever doubting him. Whatever.
All those options…. and it ends with a Bobby Ewing Shower Scene!. Google it Albert.
My personal happiness is independent of any TGU Verdict. I’ve never cared which way it went other than for “fodder purposes”. Sure, it would “be nice” if justice was served just once; but, hey, it’s 2016…..
- Sure there was one helluva jock-eligibility scam running for give/take 20 years.
- Sure Swofford, Baddour et al were dumber than dirt…. permanently drunk on Carolina Way wine and/or totally complicit.
- Sure Roy “knew”. Fats Thomas “knew”. Hillary “knew”. Everybody “knew”.
- Sure…. Sure…. Sure
- …. but OJ “did it” too; and Bill Clinton DID “have sex with that woman Ms Lewinsky”.
I’m less shocked by the BIZARRO way this is now unfolding than I was that Mikey Nifong actually got disbarred.
Will we ever know which Fat Cat Rams “bought the committee”?…. and whats the going rate to “buy an NCAA committee”? Is it more/less than the price of an Indoor Practice Facility?
I am more shocked when evil-doers ARE punished than when they walk away laughing and shooting the bird to a gullible public brought up on the myth that “Crime Doesn’t Pay”.
“A Crime So Horrific There’s No Law Against It”
So Hannibal Lechter walks into a kindergarten…. and eats all the children.
A (NCAA) SWAT team charges in and finds Hannibal sitting in the middle of the floor picking his teeth, with blood & stuff all over him…. and a smug smile.
“YOU’RE UNDER ARREST” the SWAT leader says.
“For what?” asks Hannibal
“For eating a kindergarten class.”
“Is there a specific law against doing that?”
“Sure…. of course. There must be.”
“I beg to differ, officer; and until you show me any law I have broken; my fancy lawyers and I are walking out that door. Call me in a year or so IF you find that law.” Says Lechter as he walks free.
“But but but but ….” mutters the NCAA SWAT guy.
Slow forward to a year or two later. NCAA SWAT guy calls Hannibal.
RING…. RING…. “Hello, Hannibal Lechter speaking.”
“Mr Lechter, this is the NCAA guy. You were correct sir. There is no specific law against ‘eating a kindergarten class’ so we are dropping that charge. HOWEVER, we are fining you $25 for Trespassing. So there….”
“Make it $20; and I’ll have my fancy lawyer drop a check in the mail. Ciao gents.”
Hannibal checks his watch. It’s lunch time. He heads over to the local Rotary Club. There is no law against “eating Rotarians” either. ….. burp.
I absolutely appreciate the abject incredulousness of all of this from any ABCers’ POV. Grab hatchets and chop one another arms off…. run around in circles til you fall down…. beseech whatever Deity you thought was in charge of preventing this sort of travesty. …. and watch OJ, Bill Clinton and UNC Athletics skip merrily out the doors as free as birds.
The Charlotte City Council did WHAT?…. then the NCGA did WHAT?…. and who/what’s a Demi Lovato?
Almost as hooterific is hard-wired TruBlues believing that:
….“eating a kindergarten class” is OK since The Dean Gospels never specifically said it was wrong. .… if they did it’s not in any of Chansky’s books.
Running a 20 year jock-eligibility scam to enable 100s of academically unqualified “student-athletes” to be able to play Basketball and Football while making a complete mockery of an overtly over-proud academic institution…. and “there is no rule against that” ….. Excuse me Monty Python. I have a screenplay for your next movie.
The only item left on the TGU To Do List is:
How To Publicly Dispose of Sylvia Hatchell?
About a year ago a Senior UNC Athletic Official – NOT Bubba – told me over lunch….
“It’s freakin’ Women’s Basketball! Who the **** cares?” ..Indeed.
I’m hearing that The Short List for How has it down to (1) Beheading Sylvia by The Old Well… (2) Burning Sylvia At The Stake in Polk Place … (3) Cramming Sylvia in a wood chipper @ mid-court of Carmichael Auditorium.
NCAA Poobah Mark Emmert doesn’t care “how” just notify him when the deed is done.
Emmert will send Bubba a citation for the $50 fine for “burning a scapegoat without a permit”…. or “operating a wood chipper indoors”.
This file will then be CLOSED and Emmert’s goons can go back to nailing Division III schools for using lead paint on their goalposts.
I THINK (99% sure) that Sylvia retained THE Wade Smith as her attorney some months ago anticipating a Buy-Out Battle. Get you checkbook ready Bubba.
With TGU finally done…. will Chancellor Chihuahua turn her extraordinary executive management skills to modifying those Dean Dome “pee walls” to accommodate tri-gendered midget amputees?…. (make Rimshot sound)