ABDers DEMAND …. Death Penalty for DUKE!

Coach K
BobLee
March27/ 2016

“Coach K and The Poor Little Duck” chosen Most Horrendous News Story since Holocaust.   NCAA clears docket to “get to the bottom of what he actually said”.  Ducks Unlimited and K-haters Unlimited both up-in-arms.

“…. and then Coach K pulled out Dudley Bradley’s old tire iron and beat the Poor Little Oregon Duck into a bloody pulp.”tire iron

NOTE:  Before I completely lose too many of you…. “Dudley Bradley’s tire iron” refers to the  instrument of destruction UNC’s Dudley Bradley (supposedly) used on NCSU’s Clyde “The Glide” Austin on Jan 17, 1979 before a Reynolds crowd of 285,468 shocked Wolfpackers.

Did you know….. Clyde “The Glide” was later sent to prison for running a ponzi scheme.  Dudley Bradley became an LEO for the Maryland Transit Authority.  Who’s aguessed THAT back in January 1979. …. I digress.

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You “might” not know that:

(1)  Barack Obama has asked Cuba to teach “us” about Human Rights ??  …..

(2)  The Islamo-Terrorists bombed the airport in Brussel…

But, by golly, you do know every Chapter and Verse about…..Baby Duck

Duke Basketball Coach Mike Krzyzewski (a/k/a “Rosemary’s Other Baby) sucker-punched a defenseless Poor Little Duck late Friday night.

PETA (hey, it was “a Duck”) has already launched a global Anti-K Kampaign.

The Poor Little Duck was simply “being himself and feeling his inner Cam” when the notoriously socio-pathetic  “Coach K” (1) hit him over the head with a ball bat (or tire iron, take your pick)…. (2) spit on him…. (3) called his mama a dirty name…. (4) then probably used a homophobic slur THEN…. (5) spray painted Vote For Trump across the young duck’s forehead. …..

“What Coach K actually said/did” gets more colorful with each new recounting. There is A LOT of recounting going on.

A spokesman for Humans Who Hate Coach K More Than They Love Their Mammas (HWHCKMTTLTM) are saying “This is even better than when he lost to Lehigh”.

An early report that the Poor Little Duck was “a poor little transsexual duck just looking for a safe place to pee” have not been verified but let’s not let THAT stop anyone from saying it.

After trying in vain to respond to each new Human Rights Abuse allegation, Coach K finally said “whatever” and referred all future allegations to Pete Gaudet.

I swear folks…. someday I feel like a guy who inherits a warehouse full of chainsaws two days before a hurricane hits.   Could “a smart aleck with his very own website” be any luckier than to be living in these times.   My cup of ridiculous runneth over…..

Hell Handbasket

America’s Handbasket has already arrived in Hell.  It is simply a matter of how many levels of Hell we will descend into.  Belezzbub is hurriedly excavating new sub-basements in anticipation of our eventual resting place.

PPP (Public Policy Polling) might do a Franklin Street poll…..  Would you rather:

(A) Ol’ Roy’s knees be magically cured….. the Great Unpleasantness just “go away”…. and the Tar Heels cut down the nets next Monday …..

OR:

(B) Coach K be horsewhipped….. be anally assaulted by Crystal Mangum on the steps of The Duke Chapel…. have all his W’s taken away…. and Cameron Indoor be imploded and the ground it sits on “be salted” ……

98% of those polled would vote for (B) quicker than you can say “Dean Smith was born in a manger”.

The one crucifixation the infamously secular Chapel Hillians might celebrate would be Mike Krzyzewski’s.  That “other one” they consider a myth created by The Koch Brothers to sell “peeps”.Baby Duck

The HUBBUB created by What Coach K said to the Poor Little Duck has created a coast-to-coast firestorm comparable to what we might expect if/when The Yellowstone Caldera goes BOOM.

Coach K said “whatever he said” around midnight on Friday.

By 8:00 AM Saturday the phrase ….

Coach Smith would NEVER EVER do that….

had been uttered over 6,000,000 times within 3 miles of The Old Well.  Once all those Chinese fans of Dean Smith heard about “it” the number REALLY escalated.

If the ultimate measure of a National Brouhaha is how quickly did Samuel L. Jackson tweet then Coach K & The Poor Little Duck made it in 18 hours.   “Samuel L.” apparently is not a Coach K fan.   So much for Coach K getting a complimentary Capital One credit card.Richard Brodhead

Duke’s notoriously inept PresidentForLife – Richard Brodhead – once fired a white Lacrosse coach because “I HAD to fire a white guy and he was the first one I found”.

The odds that a witless fool like Brodhead will attempt to discipline THE Coach K are about as slim as Brandon Ingram.

 

Neither Donald Trump nor Ted Cruz have chosen sides on this one.  The rumor that Donald might pick Mike as his running mate are starting to percolate among “The GOPe”.

Mrs Clinton repeated her favorite line she made famous regarding the innocent Americans butchered at Benghazi…. “What difference does it make?”

For the first time EVER…. I agree with Mrs Clinton.

Chad, Upper Volta and Asheville announce they will boycott Rio Olympics if Eeeevil Duck-hating Coach K allowed to coach USA BB.  IOC calling Emergency Meeting to talk about it.

The AnybodyButDuke.com mob is marching on Indianapolis to DEMAND that The NCAA put-on-hold any other “on-going investigations” to deal immediately with WHAT COACH K DID…..   Not in time, alas, to help the Fighting Hornets of Kalamazoo Kollege as noted earlier this week…. but it might put off a certain other “unpleasant matter” for another decade or so.

NCAA Poobah Mark Emmert is not at his Indy HQ.   Mark is in Charlotte with NBA Commissioner Adam SilverAdam Silver on a special Habitat For Micro-Gender Humanity Project ripping the doors off Ladies Restrooms and Locker rooms … so transsexuals will “feel safe”.   Heterosexual women and girls’ privacy and safety be damned.

SERIOUS QUESTION:  The National Gender Registry now recognizes more genders and micro-genders than Baskin-Robbins has ice cream flavors.  Does anyone know which one claims Adam Silver?  None of the 6-8 “major genders” are returning our calls.

NOTE:  For anyone who is wondering… yes, AgentPierce is “on a roll” on The Charlotte Restroom Riots.   His last two columns went viral and he’s planning a third that will make those other two seem “tame”.   Uh Oh!

Those of you who know “supposed adults” who live/breathe a 24/7 colon-hardening hatred for Mike Krzyzewski know I am actually downplaying the absurdity of their over-reaction to this latest “…. said to the Poor Little Duck” situation.

If you rely on a 24/7 hard-wired K-hater for advice, counsel or delicate surgical procedures…. you might want to rethink that.

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ultraviolet
ultraviolet
4 years ago

I’ll just say this….K was right 3 decades ago when he called out the ACC officiating for having a double standard regarding officiating towards Dean and UNC. IF dadgum Roy said the same thing about him he would be right as well. K now enjoys the same perks ole Dean did. K can be a wee bit inconsistent. Consistency can be boring, but not hypocrisy.

Zebraman
Zebraman
4 years ago

Ol’ Bob—

Dang, been on the road traveling’, just now catching’ up on my critical reading and got to your your piece on K’s outrageous behavior. You are the man! I am still in tears after reading it. You and I do have a bit in common. Ain’t ol Jesus right when talkin’ about styes in eyes and all that? ! You make me laugh, ol’ Bob.
Zebraman

Momo
Momo
4 years ago

Entertaining jab at ABDers, but you continue to pass up opportune moments for an entertaining jab at K’s classic megalomania. You do understand his “talk” to the Oregon player is a prime example. Should be easy column fodder in your creative hands. (then again, maybe the self-described “Leader who happens to coach basketball” was speaking to the poor little duck as a Leader and not a (losing) basketball coach. So all is forgiven?) FWIW, lest you stereotype me, I think your take on all things Roy and his gooberness is absolutely dead on. So tired of him and K, and… Read more »

Momo
Momo
4 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

Agree wholeheartedly on TB. Regarding coach bias/fan worship, of course Dean and K are unworthy of their guilt-free, holier than thou, exalted status. The difference is, Dean’s holiness is foisted upon him by baby blue kool-aiders, while K’s is foisted upon him by himself.

Momo
Momo
4 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

Bless their hearts

Porcophile
Porcophile
4 years ago

Love it that the player told the press that “overall, me and Coach K are both professionals.” Evidently he didn’t get the NCAA’s about amateurism. Next thing you know, he’ll want to be paid.”

BOG Guy
BOG Guy
4 years ago

Like him or not, K is an incredible basketball coach and seemingly a man of pretty high integrity. He is definitely someone who has wisdom to impart upon impressionable young minds. “If” Coach K said what we heard he said (as relayed by the Oregon player in question), then good for him for trying to teach a talented young man how to be a graceful winner. The player even said that Coach K was right – that his actions were not the classy thing to do. Oregon had played a great game and I know emotions run high in those… Read more »

NCSU68Grad
NCSU68Grad
4 years ago

Little factoid, which is probably folklore, but there have been several high level confirmations….in addition to be posted on the ‘NET. John Wooden of UCLA fame taunted Monte Towe in both the first meeting in 1973 (73-74 Season) as well as the Semi’s. Wooden tried to be the “6th” man which I guess he felt they needed by traveling to Greensboro. So, IF Mikey K uttered disparaging remarks, he was in fine company. Has anyone actually looked at the vid’s and had an ace Lip Reader transcribe them? Also, the FIRED Duke Lacrosse coach also sued and collected a hefty… Read more »

NCSU68Grad
NCSU68Grad
4 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

This morning, did a little research…..Tony Bennett quoted the last two lines from Psalm 30, V 5. YE GODS! A coach that can quote the Bible and had the audacity to do it in the LOCKER ROOM…He did add that he “THOUGHT” it might be from an old time Hymn…..

For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

He went on to add that there was a lot of JOY in this year’s program and there will be more to come.

PTH
PTH
4 years ago

Deano, aka the d— nose, stuck his finger in Ivaroni’s stomach and lectured him on using his elbows, I do not believe he was tall enough to reach Ivaroni’s neck. Coach “gut”, while an assistant once pushed “Lefty” in the old Charlotte coliseum and received a return push somewhat more forceful with a warning not to ever do that again. This was at a high school all star event. Deano once took a swing and missed at a UVA player during a mini brawl at the end of a UVA win in Chapel Hill during the Sampson years. Crickets from… Read more »

58 wolf kennel
58 wolf kennel
4 years ago

All those zingers re K and not a word about his coaching comments on the serial Anglo-Tripper ?

SeaIsland-Gambler
SeaIsland-Gambler
4 years ago

A wonderful reducto ad absurdum description of the PC police and the people Pogo is ‘us’…

Some of your finest barbed wire!

Lobo
Lobo
4 years ago

“Deano Smith (aka Smitty)…was well known for his instructing players fro other teams how to act and what/what not to do…until Clemson’s Rick Barnes shut him down in public fashion. Which is large part why State fans always wanted Barnes to be their coach. … Dean authored the inappropriate audacity of telling opposing players How to act/play. … This is the man who put Marc Ivaroni (of UVA) in a choke hold in the tunnel at U Hall at halftime n/c he thought he was too rough on his heel players. … Good thing cell phone and social media didn’t… Read more »

fayettewuf
fayettewuf
4 years ago
Reply to  BobLee

The quote from the bible was as accurate as we get, given all the translations. Timely too, given today is Easter. Who lopped off whose ear?
I thought the incident was a little tempest in a tiny teapot. K was pissed at losing and reacted to the Oregon kid’s rubbing it in. Then I guess, he decided it sounded petty. His mistake was denying it in this age of recording devices.
Why people don’t just apologize and explain, I do not understand. A shamefaced explanation would have looked so much better.

AJ
AJ
4 years ago

Not surprised that none of the 6-8 “major genders” will claim Adam Silver. Are you limiting your search to Earth? He could be a distant cuzzin of ET?

Doug
Doug
4 years ago

It should be illegal to put that many zingers into just one article. You must be exhausted. Get some rest please.

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