BLS: ..Dogged Victims of Inexorable Fate

January04/ 2016

All 40, or 140, or ever how many Bowl Games there were, are now over.  The only one I watched at least three quarters of was The Rose Bowl Presented By Christian McCaffrey.

Am I the only one who missed not having a Beef O’Brady Bowl?   If there was one I’m pretty sure I would have noticed.  No, there was NOT a Beef O’ Brady Bowl in 2015…. sigh.  Graveyard

…. Beef O’ joins Poulan Weedeater in the Graveyard of Goofy-named Bowls.

I wonder if any of the cheap knock-off watches from past Beef O’Brady or Weedeater Bowls are still ticking?

My Accutron from the 1969 Orange Bowl was stolen in a home burglary in Worcester MA back in 1986.  That’s the same year Mookie Wilson’s dribbler dribbled thru Bill Buckner’s legs in Shea Stadium.  Boy I’m REALLY digressing this morning…. huh?

With “Bowl Season” over…. we welcome another Tradition – Fire A Coordinator Season.  The first one to go in this area is NC State’s Off Coor Matt Canada. OCanada  This year’s Vic Koenning.

That Coach Dave canned a coordinator was not a surprise but most Wuff Lynch Mob Loonies were expecting the sacrificial coordinator to be the oft-canned Def Coor Dave Huxtable.  It still might be.   This could be a Twin Coordinator Canning before the smoke clears over The Murphy Center…. a/k/a “The Wendell”.

Dave Huxtable has been on/off more college campuses than Ted Bundy.  OUCH!

Yo BK, have “you guys” started installing all those extra charging stations in The Wendell yet?  Better get to it before National Signing Date in mid-February.   You realize those verbal commitments from the “semi-lits” are contingent upon “…. promised me my very own charging station”.

NOTE:  John Blake (Who?) promised Michael McAdoo he could “major in Criminal Justice” at UNCCH.   Alas, McAdoo didn’t learn until he saw his first class schedule that UNCCH doesn’t have a Criminal Justice curriculum. Never did …. one of sooo many John Blake (Who?) stories.  Then there was Smilin’ John Tenuta who never knew UNCCH had an Old Well… oh well.

With Lord Dabo Vader putting in his mini-golf course down in Clemson, Frau Yow might consider a few $100,000s worth of Motivational Credos in The Hindenburg Hangar.

Surely NC State holds the permanent copyrights to both “Never Give Up…. Don’t Ever Give Up” and “Three Things You Should Do Every Day”.

I didn’t mean for this to turn into an All Wuff commentary.  It is suppose to be about Why God Invented Coordinators.

No one knows who was the very first Coordinator.   I googled it and got nuthin’.   It was probably in the earlNagging Wifey 60s or so.   Some hard-working, under-appreciated assistant coach was making $15-18,000 and his wife was nagging him about needing a new dishwater.   He goes to his Head Coach begging for a $1,500 raise.  …. the Head Coach (who was only making “maybe $30,000”) hems and haws and, instead of the $1,500 raise, gives him a new title – declaring him “a Coordinator”.   Woooo Hooo!

Imagine him going home and telling his wife “Honey, tonight you will be spooning with the New Coordinator at Sleeping Giant A&M!” …. imagine her throwing a rolling pin at his head and wondering why she didn’t marry Eugene who just got named Junior Partner in his Daddy’s law firm over in Valdosta. ….. aahhh, THOSE were the good ol’ days.

God Invented Coordinators as a Firewall to buy a beleaguered “hot-seated” Head Coach an extra year to “wake up that sleeping giant”.

….That’s why a smart Hot-Seated Head Coach never fires both coordinators at the same time.   Save one to sacrifice “the next year” to the angry lynch mob…. hopefully buying him (Head Coach) yet ANOTHER year…..

Caulton (NOT Carlton) Tudor sorta kinda implied last week that Coach Dave’s seat MIGHT be heating up after getting walloped by The Fighting Cowbells after getting sorta walloped back in November by The Fighting Swahilis from “you know where”.Zombies

Maybe Toots is right.  Sooner or later he’s gotta be.  I’m sure there is a faction of constipated Wuff Zombies in a back room of The PR fashioning nooses with DD’s name on’em.  Every Sleeping Giant has a “noose fashioning” zombie-faction.   It’s a Rule.

Whatever…. Matt Canada is now Former O-Coordinator at NC State.   He joins Dana Bible, Mark Trestman and _____ .   Towards the end of The Amato Era, Chuck was tossing coordinators under the bus every time his Offense went “3 and out”…. which was A LOT.   In The Final Days he was “paying them by the yard”.

Norm Chow was the most famous Wuff O-Coordinator of the Modern Era.   He was Chuck’s first OC and got a big ol’ youngan’ from Athens Alabama to play with for a year.  Norm never unpacked…. and quickly returned across The Continental Divide.  FWIW…. Norm got canned as HC at Hawaii back in November.  Maybe he misses Amedeo’s lasagna?  Give Norm a call Frau.  All he can say is “Frau Who? ….Are you kidding me?”

Matt Canada came with DD from North/South Illinois/Indiana Wherever.   When an HC cans a guy he “brought with him” that either means he IS “feelin’ da heat” or, maybe Matt and Huxtable played “rock-paper-scissors” and Matt lost.  Sorry Matt.   Matt had two years left on his contract he signed a year-ago when he was a better / smarter Coordinator than he is now apparently.

Matt will hopefully / likely be reemployed within a few weeks…. and can replace all his Red coaching gear with a new color coaching gear.  Matt and his family will then be “at the mercy” of a new bunch of semi-literate 18-20 y/os.

If one could dissect game film over a season…. the Inexorable Fate of a Coordinator probably comes down to three or four plays that decided one game that coulda saved his job.   A blown assignment…. a pass just off fingertips…. a sloppy spot on a 4th and short…. and Mrs Former Coordinator has to tell the kids they’re moving AGAIN.

Remember when Mack Brown fired Manny Diaz a/k/a “Rising Young Defensive Coach Superstar” in mid-September in Mack’s Swan Song Season at Texas? Well….

Mark Richt just hired Manny at Miami, where his Daddy was once Mayor.   Manny was D-Coor for the Fighting Cowbells last week in Charlotte.  Manny Diaz was also on one of Chuck’s staffs at State.

A reunion of former Chuck Amato Assistants would fill up the Hindenburg Hangar. OK, to be fair…. a reunion of Former John Bunting Assistants would cover a LOT of aluminum in Kenan too.

Matt Canada was fired less than 24 hours ago.  Someone check the PackPride “free board”,  Surely there is at least ONE Chip Kellygoggle-eyed goober DEMANDING that Frau…

Hire CHIP KELLY as State’s next Off Coordinator RIGHT NOW.

“Pay him $1 more than Chizik is getting.  Hey…. We’re A Sleeping Giant plus we have a Bell Tower..”

The phrase Dogged Victims of An Inexorable Fate was the title of a book by Dan Jenkins about The PGA Tour.


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