BLS: ..Predicting “The Clash @ The Carter”

Crystal Ball
November22/ 2015

I must do a Saturday’s Clash @ The Carter prediction for the purely commercial reason I did that Kate Upton column last Crystal Ballmonth.  Maybe I should title today’s incredibly insightful commentary:

Wolfpack To Wallop Visiting Fedorians….. IF…. UNC’s Black FBers join the Urkels/Carltons mini-mob to get “the Bush Woman” fired” etc etc etc. 

Cutting to the chase, I see this season’s #1 FB Rivalry within 50 miles of the intersection of I-40 and Miami Blvd” as a “toss-up”.   Either team winning would not, IMO, be an upset.  Will UNC new-found “relevance” get this year’s State / Carolina game as an Official Gameday Rivalry…. or still on the undercard like most years?

Of all the various possibilities…. low-scoring…. high-scoring…. blow-out either way…. I see ALL as conceivable except State holding UNC under 21 points.   That assumes (1) “weather” is not a factor….. or, of course, (2) that 85% of UNC’s two-deep do NOT join up with The Whining Urkels’ & Carltons’ 50 Outrageous Demands Mini-Mob.  Am I the only one wondering why Dr Debbie DDL was NOT with Urkel & Carlton last Thursday?

I see the likelihood of even one black Fedorian or one black Roy Boy joining the Urkels & Carltons any time soon as less likely than Chancellor Chihuahua (from Dartmouth) having Hawkeye Whitney’s love-child. ….. ruminate on THAT visual for 10 seconds!

Internet Fight

This is the week each Fall that both NCSU and UNCCH turn loose the truly demented of their board monkeys…. the ones they keep chained-up in the sub-basements of Reynolds and The Rat.   The Rat has been condemned and boarded up for the past ten years making it ideal for housing the most toxic of Tar Heel nutjobs.  This week the Red Bloods and the CBlue Crips board monkeys get to fling feces at one-another.


Off Topic…. there is “something” afoot over at The Wally.   “Cutt” banished a few locker room cancers last week and since the last 10 seconds of the Miami game his team has played like the Ted Roof “Wallys”.   I could say “like the Barry Wilson Wallys” but NOBODY remembers Barry.  Duke playing Missouri on Christmas in Shreveport would attract “dozens” assuming good weather.

Back to the feces-flinging board monkeys….  I have no clue how Vegas figures odds or how Fan Duel works….. or what McQueen Campbell is up to these days.   I DO KNOW that the words “UNCheats” and “Swahili” will be posted over 47,000 times this week.   Up from the usual 18,000 times in a normal week.

“Swahili” is the new “Amphibious”…. only 23 more years to go before it catches up in volume.  Payback is a real bitch.Ba Da Wings

Go into Ba-Da Wings at Mission Valley Shopping Center.   Yell “Swahili” and the whole place starts doing that Wolf – Pack – Wolf – Pack cheer and doing the little finger thing.   I did it two weeks ago.  It’s Pavlovian.

Both teams have enough “skill players” to score a lot.  Roster-wise State is “one Shadrach short” of the same team that blew out The Fedorians amid the pines a year ago.   Yes…. in the pre-Gene Era.   Vic Koenning will not be at The Carter on Saturday.

Nimrods will make waaay too big a deal out of Marquise Williams’ red-zone picks three months ago versus The Spurriaites and his multi-drops yesterday in The Beamer By-By Extravaganza.   In-between those, he had a very special season.

Certainly the Reds have played two teams considerably stronger than anyone the CBlues have played – Clem and ‘Noles.   In both of those Ls the Wuffs showed a potent offense.   Other than the Clem and ‘Noles games, the two schedules are a wash.  Cupcakes, Wake and those ACC fill-in schools north of Mason-Dixon that no one gives a crap about.

I mean really…. Boston College, Pitt and Syracuse collectively are “Zeppo – the 4th Marx Brother”.

The CBlues are in The Swofford Bowl regardless of what happens on Saturday.  Joining The Wallys as the only two Triangle-area teams to EVER play in The Swofford Bowl…. which is how Swoffy imagined it when he put the Wuffs in The Atlantic Division with The Dabos and ‘Noles.  Hehehehe…. Sneaky Swoffy…. very sneaky.

The Fedorians caught lightning-in-a-bottle this year….. The “Two Techs” (Ga & Va) tanking in the same year was an anomaly…. or another VERY sinister Swoffy conspiracy.  I can’t figure how he managed it.

The Fedorians have also benefited A LOT by avoiding key injuries in their O-Line.  Just like Wake Forest back in 2006.  Avoiding injuries is always the wild card in any “break-out” season.

Again…. no outcome will surprise me EXCEPT the Fedorian Offense not showing up.

Selfishly I’m hoping for (1) a VERY controversial ending….. Lordy, I do love CHAOS….. and (2) if the Fedorians win, they do something incredibly stoopid again.   The last times the Fedorians won at The Carter and at The Wally they did “Logo Stomp” and “Locker Room Trashing” respectively.   Both Off-The-Chart Stoopid.

One would hope Larry will request they not do something stoopid THIS year.  I doubt it even crosses his mind.

Is Larry a Lock to Leave?  The goggle-eyed goobers are all atwitter with multiple “wheres” LF is SURE to be headed to.   The same goggle-eyed goobers that guaranteed he was going to Tennessee.  There Larry FedoraWILL be opportunities either with current openings or “domino openings” as current vacancies are filled.

In addition to giving him his very own Hindenburg Hangar Amid The Pines (with a Smoothie Machine), BubbaTheRealAD will have to ante up another “mill or so/per” for 4-5 extra years….. plus another “few mill or so” to be spread among the staff.   And bringing in Gene II ain’t gonna be cheap.   IMO, Gene IS a Lock To Leave.

Urkel and Carlton got their UnderRoos in a wad over Chihuahua’s raise.  Larry already gets 4X what Chihuahua makes.

I figure Larry’s Dream Gig is Texas A&M which is not open right now.   Kevin Sumlin is not on the hot seat nor any longer on every “short list”.   That gig is not likely to be open this time around.   Charlie Strong’s seat in Austin is hotter than (insert name of something VERY hot) but is Larry a big enuff name to “do what Mack did” ????  Huuumm!

How deep are those Blue Zoner pockets?  How much are bragging rights worth to a hedge fund pirate?  How many “charging stations” does it take to be a Juggernaut?

Here’s a Franklin Street Puzzler??  Were rank/file TruBlues happier that the FB team won in Blacksburg…. or distraught over the BB loss in NORTHERN IOWA ??

Yes…. I know everyone on The Brickyard is SURE As God Made Little Green Apples that a MAJOR BIG-TIME DEVASTDrop The HammerATING NCAA HAMMER is going to be dropped on both UNC FB and MBB (as well as WBB, but who cares!) at some point in time.

The odds on that Devastating NCAA Hammer being dropped seem as likely as “a huge asteroid hitting Earth in the middle of Southpoint Mall.   I have no insider info on either NCAA hammers or monster asteroids.   But I suppose either / both are possible and might happen some day..

Theorizing about NCAA Hammers keeps ABCers from worrying about (1) Syrian refugees in Cary…. and (2) the likelihood that “one Earl from JoCo” could incite NC State’s tiny little handful of Urkels to do a “We Demand Too”.

Does NC State even have enough Urkels / Carltons on its campus to assemble a mini-mob?  Why is Chancy Randy not obsessed about D-I-V-E-R-S-I-T-Y like UNC’s Chihuahua and Duke’s Brodhead are?

Huummm, possibly a juicy subject for another day….


PS:  Which area QB is 2-0 in his last two NFL games?  PR or Russell ……… or TJ Yates?   YOWSA!!


A New Quirky is up listing all the coaching vacancies…. 51 possible moves and wild-ass guesses …. LINK



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