* Margaret Spellings WILL BE (has been Unanimously CONFIRMED) The New President of The University of North Carolina System….. and …. the UNCCH Whack-a-doodle gang and the left-wing media weasels are in full warpaint DISGUST…. Yeee Ha!
* John “Trainwreck” Fennebresque WILL “step down” (!?) as Chairman of The UNC Board of Governors within the next week to 10 days.
I am delighted with both of these upcoming events. Of course, I am a Merchant of Chaos. These two upcoming announcements are a trade-off for me. I lose Ol’ Trainwreck but I gain The UNCCH Loonie Mob (and media) in Total Manic Discombobulation.
Are my sources “solid”? Probably better than yours and lots better than the media weasels’.
“Trainwreck” Fennebresque is “going away” along with the storm clouds forever circling him. As I predicted earlier this week…. within a month, no one will remember how to spell his name. It was exciting having this ego-maniacal bull wrecking havoc in our china shop the past year or so. Wasn’t it?
John Fennebresque joins Rielle Hunter….. Mary Easley ….. Jim Black ….. Crystal Mangum…. Mary McAllister ….. Frank Ballance …. Dumplin’ Purdue….. John Blake …. McQueen Campbell …. Julius Nyang’oro…. Mikey Nifong and Lord Knows Who Else in the archives of Notorious Guys & Gals who have stumbled thru our lives with their Above-The-Fold exploits. Hasta la vista Trainwreck.
We still have His Imminence Rev “Bully” Barber and his “at least 80,000” screaming disciples dry humping over in the corner. Our cup o’ crazies will ALWAYS over-flow.
John Fennebresque will be announcing his departure within the next two weeks. He’s trying to get the same helicopter that Nixon used. What contrived reason he will give is TBD. Whether Governor McCrory will give him an Order Of The Longleaf Pine plaque is also TBD.
Who to “credit” for John’s decision will likely never be revealed. Phil Berger, TIny Tim Moore and someone in The Governor’s Office will gladly accept the credit. Hell…. maybe Those damn Solar Lobbyists will say it was them what done it. I’m pretty sure neither Nelson Dollar nor Deborah “Dark Dark Day” Ross was involved.
“Trainwreck” will be replaced by someone you have never heard of but will be immediately told to HATE by the regional media weasels. Probably a Heterosexual Caucasian Male Who Attends a Protestant Church…. and we all know how Eeeeevil they are. Brrrr Scary!!!
Speaking of credit – Boy, is this hard to write –
“Trainwreck” DID accomplish the primary objective: He got rid of Tom “Z. Smith” Ross as UNC Prez.
John also publicly bitch-slapped Gene “Gasbag” Nichol by zapping his ridiculous Poverty Center scam. “Gasbag” is impervious to insults and will continue to be The Snarling Face & Screaming Voice of What UNCCH Has Become…. but it was still fun to watch John give Gene a wedgie.
That John did what he did while managing to break every single piece of good china at The UNC HQ was unfortunate; unless one is in my business…. in which case it was a veritable Godsend. I WILL miss Ol’ Trainwreck.
Franklin Street Whack-a-Doodles are already comparing Margaret Spellings appointment to…. The Dark Day Mike Krzyzewski passed St Dean in W’s.
The same black crepe used that day will adorn the lightpoles along Chapel Hill’s fabled Main Thoroughfare. As Ms Spellings is sworn in, a special séance will be conducted at Bill Friday’s graveside as Kindly Ol’ Bill will surely be “aspinning” six feet below.
The first prediction re: Ms Spellings is that in their rage and general ignorance the outraged UNC Loonies will misspell her name (by leaving off the “s” at the end) for the first two years of her administration.
Putting President Spellings in the company of Matt Doherty and Bill Guthridge as Notable UNC people whose names are always misspelled. Lots of folks want to put an “e” on the end of Thorp if you want to count Holden in that group too.
The second prediction is that the UNC President’s official manse will be relocated ASAP as far away from Franklin Street as humanly possible. Maybe to an underground bunker in Art Pope’s backyard.
Incoming President Spellings has a most impressive resume as a Former US Secretary of Education. She is well-versed in the macro and micro issues of The InGlorious Mess of Modern American Education. She has survived hand-to-hand combat with MUCH tougher adversaries than the pompous flibbetygibbets she will find around here.
Margaret Spellings WILL Kick Ass & Take Names… Yippee!
None of THAT matters to the quite outraged regional Left-wing media weasels – the Op/Ed Mad Clowns at McClatchy’s dying newspapers in Raleigh and Charlotte … Greensboro’s N&R and Jim Goodmon’s WRAL Dumpster-divers.
Regional Media Weasels are already pledging to:
(1) only use the most unflattering pictures of “that Bush Woman” at every opportunity”….
(2) to take every single word she says out of context …. and if all else fails
(3) simply lie thru their pointy teeth to discredit her. IOW, business as usual for the regional media weasels. ….. yawn.
Abdul Hussein Nicolai Clinton-Marx – claiming to be speaking for all UNC Whack-a-doodles issued the following statement…. “Certainly we were going to HATE whoever they picked “just because”. That they picked “that Bush Woman” just makes us even more constipated than usual.”
I have not seen Margaret’s “First Ten Things I Intend To Do” list but I going to speculate the following as likely….
Commission a bigger-than-life-size portrait of George W. for the main lobby of the UNC System HQ
Order replicas of Silent Sam to be erected on all 18 campuses of The UNC System.
Declare “Hetero” as The Official Sexual Preference of The UNC System
Christianity will be The Official Religion of The UNC System. Nativity scenes to be placed in every “quad”.
Dick Cheney’s Birthday will be a UNC System Holiday
Designate Gene Nichol an Institutional Predator. Make him wear one of those ankle things so she always knows what he’s up to.
Name Rush Limbaugh Dean Emeritus of The UNC Journalism / Mass Communication School. Order Hodding Carter to pledge allegiance to Rush.
Name UNC-Pembroke and Western Carolina as The Twin Flagships…. just because.
Rename UNC-Wilmington…. “Mike Adams’ House”.
Name THE Bob Kennel as UNC System Gadfly with all rights & privileges thereto.
And…. Order Chancellor Chihuahua to stop wearing those silly lapel ribbons.
Wonder what President Spellings plans to do in her second week on the job?
Oh… the Lowe’s out on 15-501 is offering a Two-fer sale on Pitchforks and Torches for all indignant UNCCH Whack-a-doodles who plan to blockade Raleigh Road and make even bigger fools of themselves than usual.
Epilogue: Is there a dollop of satire in the above? Maybe just a smidge. Margaret Spellings WILL be the next UNC System Prez and “Trainwreck” IS leaving.
As for the over-the-top manic reaction by the Whack-a-doddles and by the media weasels… we have actually downplayed that. THAT will be EPIC. Bwahahahaha.