"A Kate Upton Week"

When one’s Mission Statement involves the phrase Human Foolishness and The Abundance Thereof, one celebrates periods such as this past week. To paraphrase from Charlie Dickens’ classic A Tale of Two Cities: “It Was The Best of Times…. The Most Foolish of Times”.

It was A Kate Upton Week! i.e. My “cup(s) runneth over” …..with boffo material.

When a week includes not one but TWO Hall of Fame Basketball Coaches PLUS a Power Five Commissioner doing Hem-Hawing while wearing Sgt Schultz’ helmets and blubbering incoherently…. And the Miss Texas Thing; THAT, in the smart-aleck website biz, is a Walk-Off Week.

BobLee, was all this contrived just to run that cheesecake pic of Kate Upton knowing it would attract mucho clicks? Did I arrange The SMU Thing…. The Louisville Thing…. The Miss Texas Thing…. and The Swofford Waterboarding just to post the Kate Upton pic? Yes, I confess. I DID arrange the SMU, Louisville, and Miss Texas things…. but the Swofford Waterboarding Interview was “a bonus” I got simply for living right.

AgentPierce says all this week needed was for Joe Biden, AlGore and John Kerry to all announce their candidacy for King Of The World while Hillary reveals she now identifies as a male and henceforth will be referred to as “Otto”. Pierce is never satisfied.

The Louisville Ho Thing has had 48 hours to fester under the hot lights of global scrutiny. Vlad Putin, when he heard “Rick Pitino was running ho’s for his recruits” asked the same questions all of you did. Were they “black or white”? Meaning the ho’s of course, not the recruits. They were all black, ho’s and recruits, for whatever difference that makes in 2015. Then, of course, “the media” scurried to find pics of that skanky gal Rick “had sex with” on the table in the restaurant a few years ago. She was white.

Skank on Table Ho Madam Mamma

Will America ever reach a point that the race of skanky wimmen is NOT relevant?

….. Rick’s explanation for that sex-on-the-table thing was “I was traumatized by my brother-in-law’s death in The Twin Towers on 9/11” (three years earlier)…. that was somehow relevant as Louisville subsequently named it’s Jock Dorm – Billy Minardi Hall – after Rick’s deceased brother-in-law – Billy Minardi. Which, ironically, was where the ho’s were alledgedly sneaked in the side door for the awaiting recruits.

But for sheer IRONY….. Nothing can beat The Leslie Strohm Connection. Leslie Strohm was UNC’s Chief Counsel a/k/a “The University Lawyer” when Marvin tweeted back in the Spring of 2009. Insiders “credit Leslie The Lawyer” for much of the really really dumb covering-up and delaying tactics that have come to symbolize The Great Unpleasantness. I am sure Leslie has her supporters around Chapel Hill. So do Deborah Crowder, “Mother” Burgess, Fidel Castro, and Saul Alinsky; but I have yet to meet one. I’ve also yet to meet Fidel or Saul.

No one asked Leslie to reconsider when she announced her resignation (wink, wink) in Nov 2014. She resigned to become Chief Counsel for The University of Louisville. 1-2-3 Yeeee Haa!

How the heck did I make The Leslie Strohm Connection so quickly? Being “an Internet Legend” carries the burden of “just knowing crap like that” PLUS having some really awesome sources who know the cool stuff I don’t know.

UPDATE: Madam says: “Of course Rick Pitino knew….”

In the grand “scheme”, providing ho’s for recruits, or the more euphemistically “getting them laid”, is certainly not new in Big Time College Sports. Whether it be with “pros” or with wantonly willing coeds, it is as much a recruiting tradition as “steak & lobster”.

Whenever a hard-core Wolfpacker mentions “The Sweet Carolines” followed by prolonged giggles and snorts he is implying that those legendary “UNC hostesses” from the 1970s did more than read selective excerpts from Look Homeward Angel to young men considering becoming student-athletes at The Flagship. I was 1,500 miles away during those days so I have nothing to contribute on that subject.

Does every Blue Chipper “get laid” on his Official Visit? Of course not. Tim Tebow didn’t. But IF a blue-chipper implies he’d like “something for dessert” other than a hot fudge sundae, there are “ways to make it happen” at every Power Five institution.

Louisville & It’s Ho’s is a BFD because of Rick Pitino. There are about a dozen Elite Coaches in BT College FB/MBB that “Everyone hates…. except their own fans who worship them”. Pitino is one…. Calipari, Coach K, Ol’ Roy, Spurrier, Saban, Meyer are a few others. I’m not sure how a coach reaches that echelon. Tom Izzo for instance, is NOT universally hated. Mark Richt is not (except today by Georgia lunatics). Les Miles… maybe. Dabo?…. nah.

Larry Brown is a special case. “Ol’ Puppy Dog Eyes” transcends being hated to being “the poster boy” for a half century of blatant hypocrisy in major college sports. Larry Brown is to coaching what Richard Nixon is to politics and Hitler is for dictators and what Bill Clinton is for horn dogs. If a Family Feud Question was “name a corrupt cheating college coach” – Larry will be The #1 Answer. Calipari will be a close #2.

OK…. a quick run thru of yesterday’s games….

MAJOR Shout-Out to Larry/Gene and The Fedorians’ incredible comeback at Historic Grant Field Across From The Varsity. PJ’s Jackets are NOT the Rambling Wrecks of last November. To lose to Duke and UNC back-to-back must have Bobby Dodd spinning in his grave. I attribute the historic victory to “wearing traditional unis”. So far this season, the Tar Heels are steering clear of the FuBu urban unis in favor of “old school” colors. I’m not naive enough to believe that is permanent but do appreciate each time they do.

Not a good day in The Carter @ The Fairgrounds for Coach Dave’s Young Men. Their juggernaut ground game was not as juggernauty against a Major College team as it had been in the four pre-season exhibitions. I was flipping around the dial so I did not see EVERY play. I’m sure there were 2-3 key plays when “the refs screwed us”. If not, it would be the first Wuff loss in recorded history without at least one. A Friday visit to Blacksburg will be “key” to the Pack’s ACC season. To say “The Hokies are in chaos” is an understatement. Beamer and Spurrier are running neck-neck as candidates for “an ice floe”. Neither one should buy green bananas.

The Iron Dukes won again before “fewer people than actually show up for a Bill Barber political revival”. They coulda moved the BC game into Cameron and still had empty seats. Coach Cut has a rock-ribbed defense! Whattayaknow?

The Fighting Dabos hung on in a rain-soaked Death Valley because they “brought their own guts”. Credit 80,000 Tigers for a special level of fanaticism.

Can Mark Richt survive THIS ONE? For 15+ years Mark has won “every game except the ones that matter”. This one MATTERED and his Dawgs got whupped like rented mules by The Tide. The Finebaumers will be En Fuego this week. ….. The Rebels drowned in The Swamp. Bielema found someone he could beat at Rocky Top.

Up North…. Urban escaped by the hair of his chinny chinny chin. The Michigan Men rolled on. Nebraska has fallen into The Abyss. ….. Am I the only one who noticed that Mack Brown NEVER comments about the latest Texas massacre…. his silences are deafening.

Earlier this week, John Calipari said “I don’t use a computer, don’t even know how to turn one on”. I was hoping Roy would top that by asking “What’s a prostitute?” The Swoff is listed as “still in shock” from Damn Dan’s “waterboarding”…. and Larry Brown was reported having dinner with Miss Texas and Kyrie at The (swanky) Mansion on Turtle Creek.

It WAS Quite a Week!

It’s October !! That means The NFL will display it’s dislike for breast cancer by wearing pink wrist bands and towels. I still like my suggestion of – “We Will Wear Condoms When We Bang Groupies” Month. That might significantly reduce the number of daddy-less babies in NFL markets. But if they don’t care, why should I? ….. sigh.

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