Where State is Hiding the Hindenburg !

NC State IPF
September01/ 2015

Yesterday (Monday) I had one of my Lunches w/ A Legend with a Lifetime Member of The Wolfpack Club. He and I get together 3-4 times/year at The Backyard Bistro to resolve whatever Socio-Cultural Ills we did not eradicate at earlier lunches. This has been going-on for 4-5 years.  We never seem to run out of socio-cultural ills…. or a certain Unpleasantness to discuss.

I asked him “How are “Littlest Angel” (his wife) and your two sons doing?”

He, in turn, asks me “Who in the hell is in charge of that insane asylum over in Chapel Hill?”

Littlest Angel and his two sons are doing quite a bit better than the aforementioned “insane asylum over in Chapel Hill”.

Coincidentally, a day earlier – Sunday – I stood in the parking lot of Providence Baptist Church following Danny Lotz’ Memorial Service also being queried by another avid Wolfpacker about “what the hell is going on over yonder?”  It is a frequent question.

NOTE: Danny’s service, as expected, attracted a packed sanctuary of area Who’s Who and Who’s That’s including this one African preacher who prayed in a thick Ugandan dialect for AT LEAST 15 minutes or may be it was for 15 hours. Bless his heart!

….. reminding me, of course, of Holden Thorp’s first ever question to me over chili dogs at Sutton’s Drug Store – “BobLee, why does everybody care so much about what goes on over here?”

Holden has moved on to be Assistant Head Wizard @ Hogwarts (a/k/a “Wash U” in St Louis), but the universal curiosity about “over yonder”

Speaking of Holden…. he is doing very very well. Hogwarts’ Quidditch team recently defeated its arch-rival Eton on those famed “playing fields of”. Their A Capella choir is also nationally ranked. He and Pistol have become quite the Cardinals’ fans. All’s well with The Family Thorp.

So me and my Bistro Buddy went thru all the usual subjects guys talk about…. TGU ….. Donald Trump ….. How hot is Marie Osmond (hubba hubba) ….. How corrupt is Hillary ….. more TGU ….. Racheal Ray (??) …. Is Gene Chizik “a Guru” ….. and his sincere concern that 58WolfKennel “has a screw loose”. To which my answer was “A” screw loose?”

As we were man-hugging our good bys in the parking lot he asked “Have you seen State’s Indoor Practice Facility”? My first thought was what does THAT have to do with Marie Osmond…. but I recovered to say “No, I haven’t.”

“Oh, You HAVE TO SEE IT…. Follow me.” So we caravanned up Trinity Road to Art Chansky’s favorite Fairground football complex.

He was right. “It” HAS to be seen. My first thought was:

“OMG, they are hiding the Hindenburg in there

…. or maybe Snoopy One !!!”


OK, before I rip into the absolute ABSURDITY of such a facility…. and ABSOLUTE ABSURDITY is being kind…. “Everybody else” either has one….. wants one …. or plans to tear down their current one to build a bigger one. “Everybody” includes The Flagship and, probably, Cardinal Gibbons High School across the street.  

NC State is simply “we got one too-ing” with this latest Big Time Athletic ABSURDITY.   “Indoor Practice Facilities (IPF)” are the Jumbotrons of the second decade of the 21st Century.

I can see Coach Dave on his knees begging Frau Yow….

“But but but Madame Frau I JUST GOTTA have a fancy IPF. Surely Bobby (Purcell) can go squeeze a few Fat Wuffs for the chump change (millions) so’s I can keep attracting future “Shadrachs” to come here and earn their Quantum Physics degrees and go forth to save the polar ice cap…..”.

I bet it was the part about “save the polar ice cap” that got Frau and Bobby all teary-eyed. …… “You betcha Coach Dave.  Bobby go shakedown some bragging rights-obsessed Fat Wuffs.” ….. Yes, ma’m.

The hundreds of season ticket-holders whose parking spaces got eaten up by Dave Doeren’s Dirgible Garage surely gave them up eagerly for the greater good of good ol’ NC State.

As my Lupine buddy and I peered thru a window into the MASSIVE facility, I swear I could hear The Caisson Song in the background as I thought:

Roman Gabriel didn’t need “one of these” to come to State.
Dick Christy didn’t need “one of these” to come to State.
Johnny Evans didn’t need “one of these” to come to State.
Dennis Byrd didn’t need …..
Ted Brown didn’t need ……
Jim Richter didn’t need ……

Cowdog didn’t need …..
Torrey Holt didn’t need ……
“Philip” didn’t need ……
Mario Williams didn’t need …..
TA McLendon didn’t need ……
“Russell” didn’t need ……
Hell…. “Four Strikes” Shadrach didn’t need “one of these” to come to State.

But they all came anyway and did pretty darn well under the harsh Spartan conditions of Wolfpack Football Before The IPF. …… AMAZING!

Did all these legendary Wolfpack Warriors actually practice in the cold & rain on the relatively rare occasions of inclement weather in Piedmont NC in October / November?   Are Frau and Dave anticipating that that aforementioned “melting polar ice cap” is going to create intolerable practice conditions any day now?

The thought of a wet & cold Dennis Byrd actually having to practice “outdoors” in the same conditions he might have to play in on Saturday sent chills up my spine. OH THE MISERY ….. OH THE HORROR!

My next thought was:  “Geeee, wonder how many fancy jock dorms could fit inside there?” I’m betting a 200-room Ritz Carlton with room left over for a 747…. and Tab Thacker.  Hellfire, Wendell Murphy could easily herd 10,000 head of hogs in there.

“Why does it have to be so massive?” I asked my friend…. who was laughing as hard as I was at the total absurdity we were standing in the shadow of.

“So they can practice punts and kickoffs” he replied thru our hooting.

“Oh, you mean so the kickers don’t get used to kicking under the same cold/wet conditions they might have to kick in during a real game.” I noted.

“Yes”….. by now our sides were hurting we were laughing so hard.

“I gots to ask…. did you give Purcell any $$$$ for this silliness?”

“HELL NO…. and I didn’t give a nickel for that stupid “fancy jock dorm” either” he added.

All this ridiculous fancy big-dollar “Football Arms Race” crap just to impress semi-literate 17 y/os. Once Everybody has Giant Jumbos and Giant IPFs and Fancy Jock dorms and fancy locker rooms with hot tubs and foosball tables…..whats left?

I figure its only a matter of time before…..

“Coach, MAYBE I’ll come to your school – MAYBE – if your wife will give me a lap dance. How bad you want me, Coach?”

“Honey, could you come in here for a minute….. bring a teddy.”


NOTE:  I can already hear Kennell’s BS-planation now…. “It’s Wonderful!  The next time a hurricane hits the NC coast, the entire city of New Bern can move in here and live for a week….”

Speaking of $$$$, my Wolfpack pal had to go “make some”. We man-hugged again and we both drove off down WestChase Drive.

The sounds of our laughter filled the air as we left….. where State is Hiding the Hindenburg.



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