Oh, listen to the jingle, the rumble and the roar
As she glides along the woodland, o’r hills and by the shore ….
Wabash Cannonball is the ringtone I use for a certain group of friends. Yesterday I heard that familiar chorus. Looking down at my iPhone6 screen I saw….
…. it was Greensboro restaurant mogul / UNC BOG mischief Marty Kotis. I smiled an all-knowing Internet Legend smile as I hit connect….
So …. let me guess. The bottom-feeder faction of Wolfpack Nation are roasting your butt over hot coals and you’re calling me to bring the marshmallows?
How did you know? Marty asked.
Marty, I don’t know everything; but I do know the knee-jerk habits of cross-eyed, mouth-breathing board monkeys regardless of jersey color. ….. When I saw you had DARED to offer a dissenting opinion about NC State’s proposal to erect a Taj Mahal Jock Dorm, it was inevitable that those Wuff bottom-feeders would have you in their sniper sights within minutes. …… they looked you up on the BOG website, noted your UNC affiliation and screamed UNCheats and that you were trying to divert attention away from UNC’s unpleasantness by opposing their most noble efforts to provide suitable on-campus housing for their aspiring aerospace engineers and nuclear physicists who also happen to play basketball….. how am I doing so far?
Pretty much verbatim.
I’ll remind you of the advice I gave you last year when it was Franklin Street lunatics calling your mamma ugly names for whatever the brouhaha was at that time. Those witless goobers cussing you IN ALLCAPS are the humanoids you avoid making eye contact with on elevators. They perceive you as a threat to the only shred of “vicarious success” in their wretched existence. In this case, if Gottfried can’t have the same shiney bling to bedazzle the semi-literate 17 y/os that rival schools are bedazzling them with ….. those semi-literate 17 y/os will go elsewhere for a year or two.
So this is all about recruiting?
Sure. All the millions “donated by private sources” in the ever-escalating Arms Race in Big Time College Athletics is always “about recruiting”. Just giving every recruit a platinum Amex with “no limit” with the bill going to his Fat Cat “benefactor” would probably be cheaper in the long run. …… 8-10 years ago it was Fancy Locker rooms with hot tubs and foosball tables….. then Gianormous Jumbotrons….. then Indoor Practice Facilities…..
now the latest “But we HAVE TO…” is Luxurious Jock Dorms. …… just the next Everybody Does It in the endless race to bedazzle semi-literate 17 y/os.
Weren’t Jock Dorms outlawed years ago.
They were. Alabama had the first one – Bryant Hall in the 60s; then “everybody” had to have one…. then the NCAA said WHOA…. and common sense prevailed for a few years. Fancy Jock Dorms went away about the same time as “Coed Hospitality Squads” (Carolina’s infamous Sweet Carolines). Every school that could find a dozen coeds without too noticeable facial hair was using that age-old lure in recruiting….. “to give campus tours and tout the number of Bunsen burners in our world-famous chemistry labs”…. wink, wink.
There are only so many of these recruiting flim flam blings so it is inevitable that some get recycled….. ergo we are now back full-circle to Fancy Jock Dorms. Kentucky has one. Kansas has one. Various other programs trying to compete with Kentucky and Kansas are hurrying to build theirs. If Recently Rewarded Two-Ring Roy loses another 3-4 recruits you can count on him whining about needing one (Fancy Jock Dorm) too….. built, of course, with “private donations”.
(NOTE: I probably watch way too many HGTV / DIY Flip / Fixer-upper shows; but I wonder if these luxury jock dorms all have “open concepts and granite countertops”?)
Isn’t there a rule that these “recruiting dorms” cannot be exclusively for jocks?
Every Power Five coach / AD knows at least ten get-rounds to get around that restriction.
Doesn’t such segregated housing prevent the jocks from “mainstreaming” with the student body?
Well yeah…. which is one of the reasons the jocks like’em. REALLY – geeks, nerds, gays, tranies, Justin Beiber wannabees, yuck! Except, of course, for those nubile coeds in those hospitality squads. Mainstreaming with them is Hubba Hubba….
NC State Chancellor Woodson implied this special $240,000/bed luxury housing would be an asset to the student-athletes’ academic development.
If Chancy Randy managed to say that and not giggle, he deserves a medal. ….. Marty, did your new fan club realize that your dissenting opinion (and the two others) did not in any way veto the planning of this silliness. The rest of the BOG approved it and 3-4 years from now the Everett Case Fancy Jock Dorm will open with a grand ribbon-cutting…. and immediately be out-of-date because by then other schools will have Bigger Fancier Blingier Jock Dorms to bedazzle those semi-literate 17 y/os?
I think they just hate me for even daring to question the project.
They already hated you for attending UNC-CH back in the 80s. Remember my elevator and eye contact rule.
Is every Power Five school controlled by these Fat Cat cabals? Do they set the priorities that the institution follows?
Yep. The on-going mess in Chapel Hill is the perfect local example. They hide in the shadows and play puppetmasters for the admin fops.
Should NC State get “the Death Penalty” for even considering doing this?
For sure there are those over in Chapel Hill who might think so. 🙂
Are these coaches so desperate, they will totally prostitute themselves and their schools?
It’s worse that you can imagine. I’m waiting for one of these semi-literate prima donas to order a coach to (1) eat a bug ….. (2) kiss a pig on the lips…. (3) castrate himself with a rusty boxcutter. 90% of coaches would be eating, kissing and cutting before you could say Final Four.
If the “private donations” were, instead, going to further research in the actually important departments at NC State….. wouldn’t that be a better use of those $$$$?
Well sure; but who cares about Bragging Rights about life-saving research that benefits mankind…… Eradicating Mad Cow Disease versus Making it to the Elite Eight. Which is a more worthy pursuit? ….. It’s all about “our semi-literate thug-aletes whupped your semi-literate thug-aletes therefore we are better people than you are”.
Hey, how’s your English Pub restaurant concept doing?
Next time you’re in Greensboro, the pint o’ Guiness is on me.
Deal! Meanwhile keep asking the hard questions that others on the BOG are afraid to ask. Keep “Trainwreck” Fennebresque from totally wrecking the UNC System. …… ain’t NEVER running out of column fodder.