Warning: LIVE MIC

Live Microphone
July28/ 2015

Even Albert knows “What Colin Cowherd said”.

Colin Cowherd Sucks is the Dominican Republic’s version of Black Lives Matter.

I cannot defend what Cowherd said nor question ESPN’s John Skipper UNC’75 decision to ax him a week before he waColin Cowherds going to leave any way.  But, it does offer us a teachable moment. Gather ‘round buddies and babes.

The Colin Cowherds of the world pursue a very hazardous occupation.  “Bomb disposal expert” …. “being J-Lo’s personal assistant” and “rattlesnake milker”….. certain vocations are not for anyone looking for job security or universal love.

Being a sports talk show host in any media form comes in 3rd on Every Board Monkey’s Bucket List. AD for his favorite college team or GM for his favorite pro team rotate in the #1 / #2 slots.

“Sports Talker” was a solid #3 when folks thought they only made mid 5-figures in a regional market or maybe low 6-figures if lucky enough to get a network gig.  Learning the on-air talent at ESPN / FoxSports make “Rapper $$$$” has discombobulated BoardMonkeyWorld.

BMs are yanking their kids out of AfAm Studies, LQBT Studies, Turf Management, and even Pre-Dental to enroll them in University of Phoenix’s “So You Wanna Be A Talk Show Host” Classes.

My “creds” for discussing this:

Over the past eighteen years I have posted over 1,700 on-line columns….. I have been a LIVE guest on over 125 radio shows…. I have co-hosted a LIVE pre-game show on WCHL for three years with “my buddy Art Chansky”….. and I have spoken LIVE before 89 civic clubs. I do know what it is like to stare at a live microphone just before biting its head off….. CHOMP!

The Delay / Cough Button is greatly over-rated and designed for nitwit callers, not for Talk Show Hosts who might develop random Tourette Syndrome.  Have I told you about the time I got Tourette’s while speaking to a Kiwanis Club?

The meeting was in a Baptist Church Fellowship Hall in The Triad making the story more colorful.  Luckily, most of the KIwanians had already tuned me out. One guy in the back of the room spewed out his orange juice.

There was that raging drunk psycho who stormed the stage, not once but TWICE, in Rapid City SD eight years ago. They told me later he was an ancestor of Crazy Horse. I believe it.  How he got that tomahawk passed security is still a mystery.

What I said to those Kiwanians and in Rapid City WAS ME.  Do I regret saying what I said?  Well, yeah, but I DID SAY it.  Who knew that “drunk Indian jokes” are frowned on in South Dakota. I shoulda googled that.

I’ve never met Colin Cowherd or anyone who knows him. Whether what he said “…..was not really who I am” I can’t say. EVERYBODY who says something on-air that they probably shouldna said uses that line “…… not who I really am.” …. Whaaa?

Cowherd did a one-man show with no sidekick but dozens of off-air “producers” researching trivia crap.  No “Mike” with “Mike”. Cowherd did use guests so it was not totally up to him to fill 2-3 hours of empty air.

Hate him with the heat of 1,000 suns if you choose to; but what Rush Limbaugh has done for 27 years – a one-man show with no Rush Limbaughguests for 3 hours/day for 27 years – is UNBELIEVABLE. Yes, he has “oopsed” a handful of times over those 100,000s of live on-air hours but NO ONE has ever come close to his “on-air genius”.  Not Paul Harvey and certainly not Larry King.

Feel free to hate him all you want to…. It’s essential to his enormous success. The sumbitch is a genius savant at what he does. FWIW…. I woulda called that “slut” either a “skank” or a “trollop” but I had the advantage of hindsight. Rush was adlibbing as he does 90% of his show.

Talk Shows use a basic topic outline but NOT A SCRIPT. The host/guests have a pre-determined outline of what they are going to talk “about” but not their specific comments. Guests do NOT have questions in advance. Spontaneity is essential to any such exchange.

The only time a professional talker might use a word-for-word script is if he is reading “a commentary” or something he knows could have legal ramifications. Cowherd’s attempt to apologize for “…. not really being who I am” was scripted.  Chansky’s daily bits on WCHL are scripted to fit a time slot.

Untitled-1_crop_north…. Unless one is Paul Finebaum with his endless parade of Deliverance extras from Muleshoe and Fordyce, callers are DEATH to a Talk Show.  In many cases, a program director or station “suit” or worst of all – a radio consultant  YUCK – will demand “get more callers”.  “Get head lice” would be preferable.

…. I GUARANTEE you that Cowherd’s Uh Oh line about Dominicans was not written down anywhere on paper or on his monitor. It came out of a stream of consciousness like 95% of the content of his show. Is a Talker accountable for those occasions? Certainly.

Idiot board monkeys with 10,000 idiotic posts about how much they hate whoever and their endless conspiracy theories think they could fill 2-3 hours spewing crapola. 95% of their bilge would break every FCC rule.  The libel / slander suits would be filed before they left the studio. They would be tongue-tied and whining like a dying dog within ten minutes.

The timing of Cowherd’s fatal remark had NOTHING to do with his earlier announcement that he would be leaving ESPN. What he said on “Baseball not being complex” could have been said at any point over the past ten years.

Yes.  The “atmosphere” in America is now heavily charged in favor of “the VERY easily offended” more so than ever before.  Hopefully “this too will pass”; but we keep saying that about The Kardashians, Oprah and the McRib too.  Actually The Oprah HAS kinda passed on.

ESPN’s CEO John Skipper (UNC’75) has shown himself over the past six months to be spinelessly “PC”.  Whether he truly IS or his John Skipper ESPNbosses at Disney are;  Skipper is terrified of any/all of the lunatic factions running rampant in Obamic America.  Skipper UNC’75 will become even more so in the months to come.  All ESPN on-air talent be warned.

With millions of former ESPN-subscribers “cutting their cables”, ESPN’s $$$$ future is dependent upon the mouth-breathing goober demographic.  Skipper UNC’75 will do ANYTHING to hold on to every babbling dingbat. …. Under Skipper’s leadership ESPN is considering accepting Food Stamps for payment and IS NOT “requiring a photo ID”.

That Cowherd’s entire career is likely in danger is very unfortunate for him. Will FoxSports risk the wrath of the MLBPA and other sports leagues / players by putting him on their air? His future may be with SIRIUS where anything goes.

A lot of ESPN / FoxSports audience “does not like” Cowherd…. or Stephen A….. or Skip Bayless….. or anyone who is provocative. I lot of people don’t like me. MOI? ‘Tis true. I have a forum where I can say ANYTHING and I “call’em like I see’em” and lots of folks “see’em” differently….. especially hard-core TruBlues these past five years. YA THINK?

Do you know what they call a talk show guy who is 99% loved by his audience? They call him “Woody” or “Bob Harris” or “Gary Hahn” or “Mick Mixon”.

“Voices of” are paid to be unabashed Homers. The closest ESPN gets to that are Mike & Mike. If you “hate Greeny & Golic” you probably hate cheeseburgers, milk shakes, Marine Corps Drum & Bugle Corps, and the grand entrance of The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders before each Cowboys’ home game.  You have a history of “relationship issues” both at home and at work.

If Colin Cowherd’s career on a national stage is over, I feel for him and his family. I know what a razor’s edge guys in his posGood Sportsition ride every moment they are LIVE on-air. He’s spent 45 years with the last name “Cowherd”. Really? Wasn’t that punishment enough?

Epilogue: Was my Good Sports comment about “Is Carol Folt a midget or a dwarf?” scripted? Nope. It just “came out”.

Was Chansky’s line on that same show “Once you go black, you never go back” (about UNC’s black uniforms) scripted? Not that I saw. I was standing beside him when he said it…. Ron Stutts’ headset actually melted.  First time I’d ever seen THAT.


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