Rock’s Ballers vs Snake’s Pals

July14/ 2015

Ballers is a new HBO series starring Dwayne The Rock.  Today’s Incredibly Insightful Commentary hinges on you understanding the premise of Ballers. Being on a premium channel, many of you are probably not “in the know” about it.

The objectives of any show on HBO or Showtime is lots of T&A, maybe some “full frontal”, and F-bombs every three minutes. Ballers fulfills those objectives.

Ballers takes place in Today’s Miami. Dwayne The Rock is a recently-retired Miami Dolphin trying to start a second career as a “Wealth Manager” with his NFL buddies as his target market.  He has no clue what “Wealth Managing” is.  His street-savvy NFL buddies know that The Rock has no clue; but since they are currently relying on their home-boys like “Reggie From Compton” to make their millions disappear, how much worse could The Rock be at it?

The Rock and WeaselThe Rock reports to a little weasel at the wealth management agency. The little weasel hired The Rock to con / cojole his temporarily-rich jock buddies to sign over control of their mega-millions to the little weasel…. and to the bigger weasels upline from the little weasel. The little weasel also hopes to “get lucky with the leftovers” from the 24/7 Baller partys that comprise 95% of the show.

NOTE: Wealth management weasels really do exist. That is why my buddies over at CapTrust do so well. Traynor, Kyle and Company are absolutely NOT weasels. They also do not accept clients like the jock-trash portrayed on Ballers.   Our pals “Lobo” White and The Bomars are also Good-Guy Wealth Managers.

Everyone in Ballers is an over-the-top negative stereotype of either Rich Black Jocks – RBJs or Financial Weasels or Skanky White Bitches – SWBs who party 24/7 with the RBJs.  The Rock is the only sympathetic character in the show except for a Forrest Whitaker look-alike retired NFLer trying to make it selling Chevrolets. …. The RBJs provide the F-bombs and the SWBs provide the T&A. Hey…. it’s HBO.

The Rock’s character, despite having “been a star” and retired less than a year, is dead-broke and hocking his “stuff” to get cash to loan to the RBJs who are making Big $$$ but are one paycheck away from also being dead-broke because “Homeboy Reggie From Compton” is blowing all their $$$$ on Dom P, blow and bitches.

NEVER give your ATM PIN to anyone named “HomeBoy Reggie From Compton”.  If you already have….. change your PIN. THAT is the #1 lesson to take from Ballers on HBO.

With Ballers in mind, I read that deliciously colorful retro piece about Kenny The Snake and his teammates from the late 70s. If you haven’t read that yet, we’ll PAUSE here while you go read it…… LINK TO: That Piece About Kenny The Snake ……. It is necessary to have that in mind as I provide the following Incredible Insights.

OK…. you’re up-to-speed on Ballers circa 2015 and Kenny & WWWanda et al circa 1975ish. Other than Black Guys / White Guys is there really any difference? I don’t think there is.

I’m sure you enjoyed reading about Ol’ Snake and WWWanda and his buddies’ party-all-day-every day Bourbon, Broads and Boats on the Bayou hi-jinks. You would like to beKen Stabler and Wanda in the Pink Pony shooting pool with Kenny, racing boats on the ICW, careening around The Gulf in pick-up trucks, leering at skanky gals in thongs making “pussycat yawns” (I LOVED that phrase)…. while Willie & Waylon wail about Lukenbach on the jukebox.

…. Partying on South Beach with the Blinged-up Big Black Dudes in their “Lambos” and Bentleys…. maybe THAT’s NOT your fantasy scene. FWIW….. the itty-bitty bikined bitches with pneumatic chests are the same in both scenarios.

That brings us to my awesomely on-point scenario of Spectators & Gladiators. Back in the 70s, Kenny’s Raiders were The Bad Boyz of The NFL. Those Raiders teams personified Bad Boyz both on-off the field. My Mizzou buddy John “The Tooz” Matuszak was on that team. There was no variety of PED or Kama Sutra position that The Tooz did not partake in with gusto…. until his brain and body finally eDaisy Dukexploded.

The notorious Oakland Raider fans were not all that different….. white biker-dudes living life large, loose and on-the-edge. Snake’s fans in Tuscaloosa when he played for The Bear were the real-life Dukes of Hazzard; including cousin Daisy in her signature abbreviated cut-offs.

Back in the 70s, the Spectator – Gladiator Chasm had not yet begun to separate. Now 35 years later that ethnic chasm is Grand Canyon-esque.   In 1975, the spectators and the gladiators were at least on the same ethno-social planet.

So assuming you thought Snake’s World was “kinda cool” compared to being a systems analyst or an actuary, an adjuster, a tax attorney or pretty much being anything that involves wearing socks, mortgages and orthodonture….. why is it you might be disdainfully critical of the not-at-all dissimilar lifestyle depicted on Ballers?  Is it related to “we be white” and “they be black” and neither side has much of anything in common….. EXCEPT a hardwired appreciation of skanky gals in thong bikinis.

Animal House Scene… Everyone (but Albert) recalls the “Can we dance wif yo’ dates?” scene in Animal House when The Deltas walk into Otis Daye’s Road House.

Last week in Ballers the little weasel is partying with the Blinged-up Ballers. Trying to “act black” he yelled out that N-word rhyming with trigger. Ya coulda heard a pin drop…. or at least a coke spoon drop.

Kenny’s Guys and The Ballers do share the common bond of The Unforgiving Football Bizness. When they are sober they realize they are always just one hit away from a blown knee…. a busted shoulder or even “drooling oatmeal”. No more Fast Life. Hello Has-Been City.  So who would want to ever be sober?

There’s a story AgentPierce tells about him dialoguing with a prominent black activist. After several months of lunches politely chatting about their parallel lives coming of age in the mid 60s during “The Movement” (Civil Rights) in America…. AP and his lunch partner finally found three points of mutual appreciation – (1) Sweet tea, (2) Hushpuppies; and (3) A decided preference for blond white women.Wild Turkey Lounge

AP told that true story one night to 4-5 fellas in The Wild Turkey Lounge at The Angus Barn. As Fate would have it….. the room kinda quieted down just as AP got to the punch line. The phrase “He owned the room” was never more appropriate.


I don’t really have a SO THERE conclusion to this other than it is Water Cooler Fodder for you. If you pose this query to your buddies, its important that they have clear visuals of the mindsets / lifestyles of both Ballers and Kenny The Snake’s Guys.

Ergo, send’em to this site.



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