Morgan: “What am I suppose to do?”
Dalton: “There’s always barber college.”
….. and dozens more
WARNING: Some of these are R-rated !!
Steve: Being called a c*******er isn’t personal?
Dalton: No. It’s two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response.
Steve: What if somebody calls my mama a whore?
Dalton: Is she?
Wade Garrett: That gal’s got entirely too many brains to have an *** like that.
Jimmy: I used to **** guys like you in prison.
Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.
Dalton: I want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice.
Dalton: Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he’ll drop like a stone.
Wade Garrett: I’ll get all the sleep I need when I’m dead.
Dalton: Pain don’t hurt.
Wade Garrett: [Eyeing the sign over the Double Deuce] The Double Douche!
Morgan: What am I supposed to do?
Dalton: There’s always barber college.
Dalton: Nobody ever wins a fight.
Doc: Do you always carry your medical record around with you?
Dalton: Saves time.
Tinker: A polar bear fell on me.
Dalton: People who really want to have a good time won’t come to a slaughterhouse. And we’ve got entirely too many troublemakers here. Too many 40-year-old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.
Emmett: It ain’t the money ya understand, but if I don’t charge ya somethin’ the Presbyterians around here are likely to pray for my ruination. How does a hundred dollars a month strike ya?
Emmett: Can ya afford that much?
Dalton: If it keeps you in the good graces of the church.
Emmett: Ain’t it peculiar how money seems to do that very thing?
Doc: Your file says you’ve got a degree from NYU. What in?
Doc: Any particular discipline?
Dalton: No. Not really. Man’s search for faith. That sort of s***.
Doc: Come up with any answers?
Dalton: Not too many.
Doc: How’s a guy like you end up a bouncer?
Dalton: Just lucky I guess.
Dalton: So, you play pretty good for a blind white boy.
Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: Yeah, and I thought you’d be bigger.
Bar guy: Whaddaya say we get nipple to nipple?
Denise: [eying her own ample cleavage] I can do that without you!
Emmett: Calling me ‘sir’ is like putting an elevator in an outhouse, it don’t belong. I’m Emmett.
Dalton: If somebody gets in your face and calls you a c******ker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won’t walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can’t walk him, one of the others will help you, and you’ll both be nice. I want you to remember that it’s a job. It’s nothing personal.
Red Webster: How long are you gonna be in town?
Dalton: Not very long.
Red Webster: That’s what I said 25 years ago.
Dalton: Really? What happened?
Red Webster: I got married to an ugly woman. Don’t ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That’s life. Who can explain it?
Dalton: My way… or the highway.
[Dalton walks in on Steve having sex with a girl in the supply closet]
Dalton: Yo, Steve! You’re history.
Steve: But I’m on my break!
Dalton: Stay on it.
Steve: Ah, s**t!
Dalton: Sorry, we’re closed.
Ketchum: Then what are all these people doing here?
Dalton: Drinking and having a good time.
Ketchum: That’s why we’re here.
Dalton: You’re too stupid to have a good time.
Dalton: [after interrupting Denise’s unsolicited striptease] If you’re gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash.
Doc: Is this the part where you tell me what a great guy your friend is?
Wade Garrett: Not hardly. This is the part where I tell you I want you for myself.
Dalton: Oh, yo. Whatever he’s saying, you can be fairly sure it’s a lie.
Wade Garrett: [giving Dalton a look and her a longer look] Don’t bet on it.
Wade Garrett: You got a skinny little runt named Dalton working here?
Morgan: Mind your own business, Dad!
Brad Wesley: Elvis! Play something with balls!
Morgan: You know, I heard you had balls big enough to come in a dump truck, but you don’t look like much to me.
Dalton: Opinions vary.
Doc: You know, for that line of work I thought you’d be bigger.
Dalton: Gee, I’ve never heard that before.
Frank Tilghman: I got your plane ticket right here.
Dalton: I don’t fly… too dangerous.
Wade Garrett: This place has a sign hangin’ over the urinal that says, “Don’t eat the big white mint”.
Emmett: Calling me sir is like putting an elevator in an outhouse. It don’t belong.
Jimmy: Prepare to die.
Dalton: You are such an asshole.
Frank Tilghman: I thought you’d be bigger.
Dalton: You play pretty good for a blind boy.
Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: And I thought you’d be bigger.
Frank Tilghman: It’s a good night. Nobody died.
Dalton: It’ll get worse before it gets better.
Wade Garrett: A man puts a gun in yer face, you got two choices- stand there ‘n die or kill the *********er!
Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: Man, this toilet is worse than the one that we worked in Dayton.
Cody, Band Singer at Double Deuce: Oh man, it’s a mean scene around here, man. There’s blood on the floor of this joint every night.
Morgan: [after socking a bar patron in the stomach and throwing him across the room into a table full of customers] Get him outta here, now!
[Points a finger in Dalton’s face]
Morgan: If you’re not drinking, you’re outta here!
Emmett: I swear he does that just to piss me off!
Dalton: Who does?
Emmett: Brad Wesley!
Jimmy: Dig a hole.
[observing while at night Dalton and Doc leaving the Double Deuce Club]