On Lucky Day 13 of The Great Redaction, smoke finally emerged from the chimney over at Flagship HQ. Signaling not a new Pope…. but a handful of (5) Level One – LOIC Charges.
These Thirteen (13) Days of Redaction compares to:
(1) The 13 years it took to build the Brooklyn Bridge
(2) The 8 days of Apollo 11 from lift-off to splash down.
(3) The 80 days it took Phineus Fogg to go “Around The World In ….”
(4) The 33.5 Hours it took Charles Lindbergh to fly solo across The Atlantic.
(5) The 36 days it took Columbus to cross “the ocean blue” from Spain to New World in 1492.
(6) The 72 days Kim Kardashian was married to “that NBA guy”
I have this image of Teenie Weenie Carol sitting on the floor of her “I’m THE Chancellor” Office with the 50-some pages spread out on the floor all around her. She has a shoe box full of black magic markers. Her teenie weenie fingers are all smudged. She redacted 20 hours/day for THIRTEEN DAYS sustained by chicken biscuits from Time Out and mango smoothies.
On the bright side…. those were THIRTEEN DAYS that “Chihuahua” could NOT over-react to every ridiculous “I’m Offended by _____” foolishness from the campus tremblechins.
Skimming thru all the blah blah yadda yadda I knew the Super Sleuths deep in the bowels of William Neal Reynolds Coliseum would be dissecting each page with a razor sharp scalpel. I did see Jan Boxill’s name an awful lot a/k/a “the most ethical person I’ve ever known” – Sylvia Hatchell.
WHOA…. wait a minute BobLee! That’s not Jan Boxill. That’s Kate Beckett from Castle !!! What’s the deal with THAT?
So? Do you REALLY need to see another picture of “BattleAx” Boxill? I don’t.
We (“the general public”) had been forewarned umpteen times that the NOA letter would NOT (1) specify penalties or (2) order banners ripped down, or (3) hand Ol’ Roy a one-way ticket to that Super Max GrayBar Hilton “somewhere in Colorado” or to Gitmo….. But apparently “umpteen” was not enough times for some folks.
The predictable jackass “jump-up-and-down and scream COVER UP” began about 2:00 PM Thursday and should continue well into the weekend. My spies in West Rawlee are reporting no street riots (yet) on either Hillsborough Street or Western Blvd. That’s encouraging I suppose.
The possibility of all those penalties / banners ripped down / and Roy Perp Walking still might happen but we will all be about nine months to a year older than we are today before we see that.
Now we enter the infamous 90 Days Of Formally Replying To The NOA. That will be followed by at least two more periods of more extended waiting for reasons known only to bureaucrats who get paid by the hour…. or by the month or year…. or decade that these things drag on.
That ever growing little cabal of “dirty handed perps” who all skated merrily away with their cozy pensions and bonuses (yes, YOU Dickie! …. and “Most Ethical” Jan.…. and Uncle Julius…. and Deborah) will be cashing ‘dem monthly checks from now til…. well, til they die…. and go wherever “guilty as sin” and/or “clueless” bureaucrats and cheating administrative assistants go when they die.
It is quite possible that Brandon Ingram will have “one & doned” at Duke before any penalties are ever meted out.
Its hard to imagine FIVE Level One Violations Including The Dreaded LOIC culminating in just a waggling finger and stern admonition “don’t do that again”. But Ya Never Know…..
Luckily there was no mention of “bought a recruit a pizza” (!!!) or “bought a kid a bus ticket home for his grandmother’s funeral” (!!!). Those are the two traditional Hanging Offenses per the NCAA. Twenty years of “an Eligibility Scheme Unmatched in NCAA History” has no precedent so maybe the NCAA poobahs will simply end up sitting on their thumbs…. spinning around in a circle and…. barking at the moon.
The 90 Days” carries us into Color & Pageantry season. Assuming the NCAA will need a month or so to REDACT UNC’s Formal Reply…. that probably means we’re into October before we need to assemble another Mob waiting for whatever mobs wait for.
After five years of endless insult-trading from TruBlue bottom-feeders and ABC bottom-feeders one would think all the trite insults, name calling, excusifying and broad brush “you’re ALL a buncha ______” would be exhausted by now. I guess we shall see if any of the goggle-eyed rabid bats in either camp can come up with something new. I wonder how many of the really hard-core screamers on both sides of this glorious mess have the slightest clue was “redact” means?
Speaking of “a long time” ….. King Agamemnon’s Greeks kept King Priam’s Troy under siege for ten years…. or so Homer tells us. The Great Unpleasantness is halfway there. Don’t bet against it going a full decade.
If you didn’t see the We Have A New Website column…. go back to the Home Page (see bar up at top) and click that Homer Simpson WOO HOO column. It explains everything.