April22/ 2015

I’m convinced the timing is a conspiracy involving the new 4th string QB of the Philly Eagles.   With America’s bug-eyed sports monkeys stunned that Chip Kelly would sign “a controversial Christian journeyman”, what calamitous announcement might divert their attention, angst and anger?

BubbaTheRealAD called Nike’s Phil Knight and Alexander Julian and VOILA – the AnybodyButCarolina (ABC) lynch mob has laser-focused its wrath on “An Argyle Stripe”.

I feel like “that other Hillary” – Sir Edmund the mountain climber.   On May 1953, as Sir Edmund stood atop Everest with Sherpa Norgay, he too must have pondered “can anything possibly top this?”  Have I, like Sir Edmund, now achieved the pent-ultimate in my chosen avocation – offering commentary on human mob foolishness?

“Something” WILL come along probably within a week or so to top this.   “Something” always comes along when humanity is challenged to grossly over-react to inconseq9781612347288_custom-cb10db8146bc0e0fc93a3bd0c4d7a4b9daba8249-s300-c85uential events.   If 60,000,000 humans follow Justin Bieber on Twitter, the potential for mass lunacy is ever-present.

OK, lets hit the high spots.   Yes, I am aware that the cover of Mary & Jay’s bestseller CHEATED features “an argyle stripe”.  By noon yesterday, 5,600,087,234 Chinese were also aware of that thanks to a global e-blast from a secret ABC bunker in Knightdale.  ABC commandos are on-alert 24/7/365.  Bless their hearts.

I am also aware that this massive project to re-brand UNC-CH athletics via a coordinated color consistency was set in motion well before CHEATED’s cover was designed and the book hit the market.  UNC basketball unis have, of course, had “an argyle stripe” since back in Dean’s Day.

Within the past 36 hours I have been in touch with Mary & Jay and with BubbaTheRealAD.  FWIW, I learned a year ago that Alexander Julian is a regular enjoyer of this website, but I have NOT contacted “AJ” about this.   Anyhoooo, “the argyle stripe” is not copyrighted, patented nor otherwise off-limits to anyone for any purpose.   Amedeo’s could have argyle tablecloths if they wanted too.

Did you know…. the name “Argyle” was used in the first Die Hard movie back in 1988 – the one about terrorists taking over an LA high-rise and Bruce Willis running barefooted over broken glass.   “Argyle” was the black guy chauffeur who assisted John McClane in thwarting the baddies.   “Argyle” was played by journeyman actor De’voreaux White.  That will not be on the final exam.   I just thought you’d find it interesting.

In the mid 70s, I worked at The Greenbrier in White Sulphur Springs, WVa.   The GM was a fellow named Jack Lanahan.   His fashion signature was “argyle socks” of which he owned dozens of pairs  I did not know Jack Lanahan all that well but have no reason to believe he was a Carolina fan or a Die Hard fan or gay (see below).

Is “the argyle stripe” some sort of demonic symbol similar to the Proctor & Gamble logo?   If one lays “the argyle stripe” on its side and holds it up to a mirror, does it proctor gamble logospell out If the NCAA drops the hammer on UNC, UNC Fat Cats will unleash the Hell Hounds on NCAA Exec Mark Emmert’s family…..   Forensic logo-ologists are studying “the stripe” as we speak.

Is “argyle” as a fashion pattern closely associated with any letter or letters in that LQGBTXYZ militant sexual-preference coalition?   This is an assumption of one faction of rabid ABCers.   My knowledge of the symbology of the multi-sexual preference alphabet groups is so minimal as to be non-existant.

If tranys, bi’s, lessies, gays, wannabee gays, wannabee lessies, he/shes and/or Druid priests wear “argyle” to identify one another, I’m not aware of it.

The use of “argyle” in fashion IS prevalent among what used to be called “preppies” or “frat boys”….. along with weejuns a/k/a penny loafers, navy blazers, khakis, popped collar Izods, and, for aspiring attorneys, seersucker.

I own a seersucker suit and did title my 2nd anthology Seersucker Suits Me.   Not sure where that places me in the pantheon of “You are what you wear so therefore I must be a ________.”   I’m not a lawyer but I am an Internet smart-aleck.

“Carolina” has over the decades of the 50s thru the late 80s at least, been openly associated with the “preppy frat boy” fashion movement.  At any one time there have been a dozen stores on Franklin Street specializing in “the preppy frat boy” look.  That fashion movement helped AJ sell enough clothes to buy a chateau or two in France.

Alexander Julian, photographed at Julian's on Franklin Street, Friday, Feb. 8, 2013. several members of the marching Tar Heels surprised Alex with an impromptu concert in the store to celebrate his birthday (it was arranged by Missy Julian Fox, Alex's sister).
Alexander Julian, photographed at Julian’s on Franklin Street, Friday, Feb. 8, 2013. several members of the marching Tar Heels surprised Alex with an impromptu concert in the store to celebrate his birthday (it was arranged by Missy Julian Fox, Alex’s sister).

Jos. A Bank has likewise profited from the “preppy frat boy” fashion movement.  Buy one pair of argyle socks and get two sweaters and a belt FREE!

The stereotype of “all UNC students, fans, alumni wear preppy, frat boy fashions ergo they are all _______” is every bit as valid as “all NCState students, fans, alumni wear Levis with a Skoal can in the back pocket and clodhopper brogans ergo they are all _______”.

What would we do without “they’re ALL a buncha ______” stereotypes?  Personally, I like both fashion choices.

The Flagship is now pretty much under the little iron fist of Chancellor Chihuahua and her politburo of very very constipated femi-nutzies.   The overt coed-ification of The Flagship has caused frats and frat-boys to become an endangered species “over there”.   Naïve TCW Kool-Aid guzzling alums from the 60s and 70s are just beginning to realize that.   DUH!

The traditional UNC frat boy is fast evolving into a Bieberized metro-sexual hipster in order to survive under the new regime.   If Little Carol and The Sisters of Sappho have their way, “the urinal” will be banned from campus by 2017 if not before.

I seriously doubt that there is any intended connection between the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT about UNC unis to non-traditional sexual behavior and/or keeping semi-literate young AfAm jocks eligible.   In fact, I don’t believe any semi-literate young AfAm jock would be caught dead wearing “argyle” or weejuns or any element of preppy, frat boy fashion.  According to Mary, finding a young AfAm in UNC FB or BkB that can spell “argyle” might be really difficult.  THAT brings us to:

The Fedorian Dilemma.

As chronicled here on various occasions; public statements by Coach Larry Fedora over the past several years contradict this latest Big Announcement about uniforms….. and “the argyle stripe”.

With Tar Heel loyalists especially the old guard “ChooChoo-ites” looking on in abject horror,  Coach Fedora has consistently sent his young thug-aletes out of Kenan’s tunnel dressed in colors and combinations so freakin’ bizarre as to cause both Cyndi Lauper and Phyllis Diller to blush.

Fedora’s perverse rationale that “it’s what recruits’ want” has led vocal critics, including yours truly, to speculate that Larry was calling up semi-literate 17 y/o 3-stars on Wednesday before a game:

“Tell ya what, if you commit right now, I’ll let you or your baby mama or your hommies decide what unis and helmet combo our team will wear this Saturday.  Whattayasay to that?”

The semi-literate 3-star turns to his hommies:  “Damn, this dude is so desperate he’s letting ME pick his unis….. lets see if he’s serious.  OK, Coach; I want UNC to wear day-glo chrome helmets with a really stoopid cartoon foot on the side.”

Larry beams:  “Sure, no problem, bro.  Will you sign?”

“Maybe, IF you actually wear the stoopid looking helmets.”

That boys and girls is how a multi-million dollar sports enterprise USED to make decisions about it’s “brand” before BubbaTheRealAD concluded maybe Larry and his recruits were not the best ones to be in charge of “the brand”.   Enter the wizards of fashion smarts from Nike and Alexander Julian.

I LIKE THE NEW UNC UNIFORM DESIGNS….. I like the not-so-pale blue….. the interlocking NC…. and I especially like the white helmets.   It should be noted that I did NOT have a vote, my personal friendship with Bubba aside.   No clue if Tim Tebow likes it or not.

I am not exactly “persona grata” around UNC these days either academically or athletically.  Nicknaming the diminutive she-chancellor (from Dartmouth) – “Chancellor Chihuahua” does have repercussions.  🙂

I like the uni designs so much that at 6:45 AM Tuesday I tweeted….. This is the first UNC decision I have agreed with since Marvin hit SEND five years ago.  The response from my Twitter followers of the ABC persuasion was immediate and profane just as I knew it would be.

The infamous argyle stripe is so not a BFD.   I am convinced that Bubba and AJ added the argyle stripe just to enjoy the knee-jerk calamitous chaos it would certainly generate among the ABC Lynch Mob.   If Bubba and AJ are enjoying the ABC “argyle” backlash as much as I am, it was well worth it.

If Frau Yow suddenly decides to solidify the Wolfpack-brand by bringing back an updated Unitard with the imprint of a Skoal can on the right butt cheek, I am really going to enjoy THAT.   Does Adidas make a clodhopper brogan?


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