24 with BobLee. Move over Jack Bauer

March21/ 2015

“24” so delicious hours I would have paid cash money to be me.  A 3-ring circus with each ring worth the price of admission.  Such a deal!

UNC’s Bonnie & Clyde – That Damn Dan Kane – an International political luminary – a PP super board monkey – two NC’s Trilateral Commissioners – a mystery guest.  YOWSA.

A chock-a-block 24 Hours from the get-go….. from mid-morning Thursday to mid-morning Friday.  Little did I know it would turn into a riotous laugh-stew of Mardi Gras – Woodstock & The Spivey’s Corner Hollerin’ Contest.

It kicked off with the latest Luminary Lunch w/ BobLee at an upscale seafood eatery in fashionable NW Raleigh.  Alas, the identity of the lunching luminary must remain secret.   It was NOT “Dickie” nor Debbie “Don’t Do Lunch” Stroman nor any member of Duke’s notorious Gang of 88.

Across the table sat a key cog in the ever-revolving Wheel of Unpleasantness.  For 180 minutes we compared notes, swapped lies, were interrupted by assorted yahoos recognizing one/both of us, and ruminated over the possible health and happiness of the mythical Zackie Murphy.   Our first meet, we both had studied dossiers on the other.  Albeit his lacked ONE small item re: me!!   No time was wasted in idle parrying and thrusting.

We agreed on three do-able scenarios for resolving The Great Unpleasantness with the least permanent stain on The University of The People.   We also agreed that knowing the Keystone Kops driving the bus “over there” there is no chance in Hell that any of our three scenarios will ever be enacted or even considered.   We toasted our absolute certainty of that….. sigh.

Non-stop giggles and grins until we parted mid-afternoon promising to “do it again soon”…… a promise that would be fulfilled far sooner than either of us could know.
Travels with Bonnie & Clyde: I knew Thursday night had a high Hoot factor.   It blew passed “high Hoot” into One for The Ages.

Mary Willingham and Jay a/k/a “Jeff” Smith – “Bonnie & Clyde” – had an appearance and book signing at Quail Ridge Books in West Raleigh – one of America’s most notable indy booksellers

I arrived fifteen minutes prior to show time and there was none other than my new BFF from lunch with Mrs New BFF from Lunch.   We caught up on each other’s lives during the 4.5 hours since we had last seen one another.   He had aged slightly while thinking about Zackie Murphy.  I not a minute.

As we took seats I caught Bonnie & Clyde’s eye. “Wingman” BobLee was on-site.   I was gauging likely troublemakers when I spied none-other-than “That Damn” Dan Kane – journo-assassin par excellence.   We would chat after the show.

Mary & Jay were introduced by notorious Jimmy Carter guy / now some muckety-muck at UNC-CH – Hodding Carter.   I knew about Hodding but we had never met.  That would change BIG TIME.

Mary & Jay awed the audience with gory tales of tricked-up transcripts, academic flimflammery and assorted administrative pratfalls.   It was a predominately ABC crowd ergo well-behaved and enthusiastic.

During the post-show book signings, Damn Dan and I chatted about the two SI articles, Jim Boeheim’s dreadful press conference, and when the NCAA hammer will fall.

As we stood in the popular fiction section (E – P) three different imperfect strangers recognizing one or both of us walked up to give us their unsolicited versions on “the scandal”.   One has Butch as a space alien.  Another thinks Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday is still alive, living on an island in The Aegean.  And #3 has Todd Turner as “the wizard behind the curtain”.  First time Dan or I had heard those last two.  The one re: Butch is pretty common.

Dan and I said good-bys and I went back to where M&J were signing.  Three more self-affirmed scandal experts were talking all over one another to get their conspiracy theories on-record.   Mary’s hubby – Chuck – and I were dazzled by their collective brilliance(?).

One spied me and snorted “You BobLee?”  I said “Yes”. Curling a lip, he claimed he owned the copyrights to the term “board monkey”.   The 4th one of those I’ve gotten in the past 15 years.  He was a Grand Master Platinum poster on PackPride both public and the exclusive super private VIP boards.

With M&J developing carpal tunnel from so much signings, our merry band retreated to Tripps for dinner.  Oh…. one guy got Mary and Jay’s signing then asked That Damn Dan and moi for us to sign his copy too.  That copy of CHEATED would fetch high six-figures on e-bay.

At dinner I end up across the table from “Hodding”.   I introduced myself.  He asked “who are you?” and I start the usual “Internet Legend” spiel.   He held up his hand to stop me, smiled and laughed “Oh, I KNOW who you are – the Notorious BobLee.”  Uh oh.

The notorious “Internet Legend” and “didn’t you used to be Hodding Carter a/k/a “Jimmy Carter’s something or other” proceeded to set a Tripps’ record for incredibly amusing banter over the next two+ hours.

Hodding fueled by 2-3 martinis and I equally high on Life, unsweet tea and de-caff.   If a dinner conversation can be compared to a ping pong match, our repartee volleys were “AWESOME, Baby”.

Figuring he knew, I let slip about half-way thru that I am “a crazy right-wing guy”.   By then we had already agreed on our opinions of at least 26 semi-self important people within 30 miles of where we were sitting and a like number of political yahoos on all sides of all aisles.

Don’t know if Fate will bring Hodding & BobLee together again, but both lives were immensely enriched over “a rack o’ ribs @ Tripps” on Thursday night.

At Big ED’s w/ Two Trilateral Commission members:  No sooner had my head hit the pillow from ribs & repartee w/ Hodding than I sprang from my bed to get down to Big ED’s for breakfast.   Big ED’s – once described sneeringly by an N&O journo-weasel as “…. with confederate memorabilia on its walls.”   Big ED’s owner, my cuzzin Sam Hobgood is still trying to find said “memorabilia”.

OK, it was NOT really with two TriLateral Commissioners.  It was much more sinister by a long shot.    My breakfast mates were two notorious UNC BOGers !!  NO…. NOT Eeeeevil Board of Governors guys!  Yessiree.

Not anonymous whozits.  Two well-known ones.   One just reappointed for four more years wrecking havoc and mayhem upon the innocent citizenry of Chapel Hill – those 27514 people.

BobLee & Two BOGers @ Big ED’s….. if Raleigh was LA the paparazzi woulda had’em a field day.   I gave my BOG buddies AgentPierce’s marching orders for Stage 3 and Stage 4 of Operation CHAOS.   Zapping Tom “Z Smith” Ross being Stage 1; and kneecapping “I AM THE Gene” Nichol being Stage 2.

I told them that before they turn the Hell Hounds loose on Franklin Street to please give my new BFF Hodding a heads up in time to clear out.   For a hard-core uber liberal to count BobLee as a buddy does have its advantages.

Other than the above adventures my week was pretty humdrum.   How about yours?

Did you catch Tom Sorenson’s column in the Charlotte Observer saying “this Duke team is likeable (because the first seven all sport “nappy tapers”).”   Confirming my ACC Hate Profiling Theory.   ☺


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