Like MLK, UNC “Had A Dream” re: Gene Chizik

January20/ 2015

This website chronicles the extremes of human foolishness.  Finding topics is hardly on par with Jason looking for The Golden Fleece or Dr Livingstone searching for the headwaters of De Nile.  Juicy choices present themselves every day.  Rarely is a choice so obvious on so many levels.

Within 48 hours (1) a University System President making $600,000 is lame-duckerized and (2) an Assistant Football Coach, with “baggage”, is hired within that same system at $691,000/yr.  Meanwhile the NFL is aflutter over how much air is in a football.

Not even MLK’s “dream” was as controversial as The Vetting & Hiring of Eugene C. Chizik.

I do apologize for the length of this column, but how often do we have us A Guru Hiring?  This is, by the way, all predicted in Revelation.  Chapter 7 or 8 as I recall.

The number $691,000/yr for three years HAS BEEN VERIFIED.  I’m sure the forensic hackers at PackPride already have that info, along with the breakfast cereal of choice of the Chizik twins.   I hear its Frosted Flakes but my sources are not that solid.

Lets cut to the quick here….. Gene Chizik – Auburn – NattyChamps – Cam – Rumors – Investigations – Allegations – “Baggage” – UNCCH – Butcher / Blake – Tutors – Marvin – Greg – Mary & Jay – Julius – Deborah – “Dickie” – Carolina Way – Jim Martin – Greatly Unpleasant” – Fedora – Aloft – Logo Stomp – Duke Locker Room – Defense – 35-7 – Accreditation – Little Carol – Wainstein – Skadden Arp.   If I missed anything in that summation, feel free to add it to your copy.

The #1 Reason that Issue de’ Chizik is soooo freakin’ juicy is because the extreme radical factions of both TruBlues and ABC Nation are both in such Joyous Celebration.

When ECU whomped the crap out of The Fedorians the past two Autumns, PirateNation was euphoric but not TruBlues.  In November when WuffDave whomped the crap outta the boys in the chrome helmets with the goofy foot on the side, Wuffs were euphoric but not TruBlues.   Last week when Marcus proved again that the P in PNC stands for Page, Roys Boyz were euphoric, but not so BK, ‘68 and The Brickyarders. …… But Clockwork Chizik has everybody claiming victory.

From the back alleys of legendary Franklin Street to lofty suites high atop The Blue Zone, the bug-eyes of TruBlue board monkeys are even more buggier.   They have themselves a certified, card-carrying “GURU” to awaken their GIANT potential and lead them to CFP Glory.

NOTE:  The same bug-eyed board monkeys turning backflips about Gene The Guru were also turning backflips when Burly John signed Mike Paulos…. instead of that little whozit from Richmond – Russell Something.  Lesson: Don’t buy stock in backflipping board monkeys.

Sure, Gene The GURU only caught lightning in a bottle one season on the legs and arms of a once-in-a-career Wunderkin, but hey.   The Chizik Dynasty @ Jordan-Hare was shorter-lived than the Nashville career of Miley Cyrus’ daddy, Billy Ray, but hey.

Hey, Gene The Guru has two NattyChmp RINGs (he got one as Mack’s DC) that will bedazzle the Young Fedorians.  Hey….. The Butcher & Blake (who?) had a fist fulla bedazzling Super Bowl RINGS.   How’d that turn out?

Yes, Gene The Guru brings a U-Haul of allegations and rumors as regards how he caught that lightning in a bottle that one year….. and then the bottle was suddenly empty.  But hey; ya know the Motto of The SEC…. “If you ain’t cheatin’ you don’t wanna win bad enuff!”  The corollary to that being “It ain’t cheatin’ lessen you gets caught.”   You think Little Carol heard those mottos up yonder at Dartmouth?

But ya know what “they say” on Franklin Street – “Everybody Does It!”

What sneaky recruiting and eligibility flim flammery Gene The Guru mighta maybe done at Auburn ain’t Top Secret stuff.   Any coach who’s been around Big Time College Football for a fortnight knows all the tricks.    Larry knows’em.   WuffDave knows’em.  DukeDave knows’em.   Nick and Urban sure know’em.   John Blake (who?) knew’em.   Not to change sports but Larry Brown DEFINITELY knows’em.  OUCH!  Now, to what degree everybody that knows those tricks uses those tricks is a matter of endless debate.

Recruiting and Eligibility FlimFlamming is like a 4-3 or a 3-4 defense.   There are only so many ways you can draw Xs and Os.   Gene isn’t bringing any new “tricks” to Kenan that Kenan didn’t already have.  Whether they employ them is, again, a matter of endless debate.

In The Official Announcement yesterday, Larry and Gene made it a point to use “academics”, “prestigious university”, “student-athletes”, “developing young men”, and “classroom achievement”, etc almost as often as John Edwards used to tell us how much he loved Elizabeth.   Were Larry, Gene and John trying to convince us….. or themselves?

Larry Fedora’s Job #1, 2, and 3 is to win as many football games as he can.   Gene Chizik is being brought in to increase the odds of that happening.   Any incentives concerning academics, Team GPA, eligibility majors, reading comprehension, et al are chump change compared to what both Larry and Gene can make at “the next level”.

Larry Fedora came to Kenan three years ago with Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams.   Kenan would be his steppingstone to the rarified air of The Big Buck Juggernauts.   His ascent has, alas, hit a snag.

Gene breathed that Juggernaut Air for the briefest of time.  He liked it.  He wants to inhale it again.  Who wouldn’t?  Can together Larry & Gene reach the summit of Big Buck Juggernaut Mountain?

Meanwhile gathered ‘round the impenetrable fence conveniently separating UNC-CH from Reality is a mob of blood thirsty Death Penalty advocating ABCers.  They’re not carrying votive candles.   They are carrying pitchforks and torches and their thirst for C-Blue blood is voracious.   They think of little else 24/7.   They want lofty pines and boastful banners to be torn down and torn down RIGHT NOW….. and lets throw John Swofford in a wood chipper too….. feet-first so the pain is more intense.

Hiring Gene The Guru at $91,000 more than Ichabod Ross rakes in, is HERESY they squawk.   They could care less about Ichabod of course.   Nobody really cares about Ichabod Ross even the media weasels lamenting his lame duckerization.  I digress.

Should ABCers, especially those of a lupine persuasion, be concerned with Larry hiring a Guru?   Uh, No.

Both UNC and NCSU have employed Smiling John Tenuta in recent years.   So have tOSU, GaTech, Notre Dame, and currently UVa.   Similing John ain’t got no rings.   But Smiling John wears “I’m A Defensive Guru” t-shirts.

Then theres Lane’s Daddy – Monte.   Google Monte Kiffin’s Wikiy page – He is widely considered to be one of the preeminent defensive coordinators in modern football, as well as one of the greatest defensive coordinators in NFL history. ….. Preeminent Monte, with little Lane in tow, spent 1980-82 “on the Brickyard” but “no ring”.   He did have a horse however.

Arguably there was another Guru “on the Brickyard” – Norm Chow.   Norm’s stay at State was brief but long enough to make Philip Rivers an NFL QB rather than a tight end.   But no ring or even an ACC Chmp.

Gurus get to be gurus by having really really good players to guruize.

If Larry and Gene can “entice” the level of pure on-field talent to Kenan that Butch & Blake (who?) did, then maybe Gene can “guru” them.   But SEC-level talent like that traditionally is not as talented academically nor much motivated to the academic aspects of college-life.   Do you think Little Carol is aware of that?

How many of Gene’s 2010 War Eagles would meet UNC Admission Dude Steve Farmer’s newly revised admission requirements?   Do you think Larry and Gene have discussed that?  Was Steve Farmer involved in the Vetting of Gene Chizik?

For the record, John Blake (who?) never met Steve Farmer.  Also, for the record, during his one-year with Burly John Bunting, Smiling John Tenuta never bothered to ask if UNC had a library or much cared.   Neither Blake (who?) nor Tenuta read Look Homeward Angel either.   Wonder if Larry has.   Hell, wonder if Roy has?

Wonder if Smiling John ever asked anyone at State what “that round building” was?   I’m going to guess No.

The very loud message with The Hiring of Gene “Guru” Chizik is that UNC is committed to an all-out assault on Juggernaut Mountain.

Any thoughts of UNC-CH scaling back or trying for a balance of Athletics & Academics is Hogwash.   Forget that Southern Ivies League prattle.

The Blue Zone Fat Cats have assembled a bulging war chest anticipating an extended legal battle to fight any/all future sanctions for whatever UNC mighta done that (1) Everybody does….. (2) Dan Kane unfairly exploited…. and, hey (3) Who cares if these gladiators can read or not…. “that ain’t why we recruited dem boys”.

….. ain’t never gonna run out of column fodder.

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