About Rabid Bats and Fat Cats and

January15/ 2015

I’ve been holding back on TGU Updates because (1) it’s all so yucky…. (2) The Grand Chizikian Vett is, apparently, still “being debated internally”…. burp, snort.  More dribs and drabs continue to drip so discourse upon it I must.

Meanwhile “Methodist Flats” ALMOST becomes “Muslim Flats”; and Marcus Paige shines AGAIN in his home away from home (even without Krazy Karl).  ….. So Half A League Onward We Ride.

NOTE:  I only watched the last few minutes of last night’s Marcus Revists PNC.  I preferred the company of Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Company.   But I saw enough to guess that The Brickyard Drum & Bugle Corps has found themselves new refs to hate.  I’m SHOCKED!  That Damn Swoffy !!!.

BREAKING NEWS:  (8:15 AM Fri) – I’m Calling It! – Baggage-totin’ Gene Chizik WILL be moving in to John Blake’s old office “amid the pines” as the latest Defensive Guru / Messiah…..  Details to follow along with howls from ABCers.

If I had a nickel for every time I get an email that begins “your pal Art Chansky just said……” I could open my own Nickeloden.   I’m always amazed how closely fans of rival fan bases follow Br’er Chansky at Chapelboro.com; but follow him they do.

Br’er Chansky and yours truly both seem to be “airplane glue” for many area college sports partisans of varying jersey hues.  Loonies can’t seem to help themselves as they inhale the intoxicating vapors of our provocative commentaries knowing as they do so, they are decimating what few brain cells they might have ever had.

Anyhow…. AC is, indeed, “my pal” as are the rest of TeamWCHL.  My occasionally “sorta kinda critical” (gee, ya think!) essays on The Great Unpleasantness aka The Franklin Street Follies together with my well-publicized alliance with AgentPierce haven’t exactly made me “persona grata” over yonder.

A recent Zogby Poll has me somewhere between Thom Tillis, JJ Redick, Bo Snerdly and Bob Harris in overall Likability within three miles of The Old Well.  Most of you don’t recognize “Bo Snerdley” but Albert actually DOES and how often can we say that here.   Bo is the long time “call screener” on the Rush Limbaugh Show.

Among my handful o’ friends “inside the bubble” is one Aaron Keck.  Aaron is the Swiss Army Knife of WCHL.  He can/does do pretty much everything at WCHL except respond to Ron Stutts’ groupies’ erotically suggestive requests.   Ron does that himself.

So yesterday Chapelboro.com posted its daily collection of local news stories including these two side-by-side:

Rabid Bat Found In Chapel Hill Home
Young Democrat Convention Coming To Chapel Hill

The Rabid Bat story alone was a hoot.   It’s “Man Bites Dog” reverse news.   The real story woulda been –  A Chapel Hill Home Found WITHOUT A Rabid Bat.  (insert Rimshot here).   No, the rabid bat house was NOT Gene Nichol’s… but it certainly could have been.

When I saw the companion story about Young Democrats Coming To CH, it was like that annual Easter story “Catholic Pilgrims Flock To The Vatican”.   I mean REALLY.   Other than possibly Haight-Asheville where else in NC would these misguided guilt-ridden little tremble chins go?   I immediately emailed Aaron crediting him with this subtle cleverness I so appreciate.   He quickly accepted full credit.

Last week Chapelboro had a story about “Chapelboro” aggressively touting itself as a global tourist destination for LGBTQs.   The local Tourism honchos are accepting suggestions for a catchy slogan they can use in their upcoming worldwide ad campaign.  The mind reels…..

In a simiar vein…. Raleigh has now acquired Dix Hill and will be combining it with adjacent Pullen Park to create its own Global Tourism Destination to be known as Pullen Dix ….. ….. ……!  Hey, don’t give me “that look”.

As of this AM, Aaron has not posted the story about UNC Hires Another Really Expensive Law Firm.   “That Damn” Dan Kane did however.   I tweeted about it and my simple little tweet went viral.

Indeed, UNC “officials” have announced the hiring of the internationally renown Really Expensive Law Firm of Skadden, Arps….. etc.   LINK

The only man on Earth who is both My Friend and The Butcher’s Friend notes that “If they think Wainstein was expensive, just wait ‘til they get Patrick Fitzgerald’s bill.”

Patrick Fitzgerald is Skadden Arp’s highest dollar celebrity lawyer because, apparently, he was involved in the Scooter Libby case.   Had he also been involved in Duke Lacrosse no telling what his hourly rate might be.

In the rareified air of Very Expensive Law Firms….. Wainstein’s Cadwalader is a BMW.  Fitzgerald’s Skadden Arps is a freakin’ Maybach.

UNC officials were quick to note that “no tax-payers dollars are being used” to bring in these incredibly expensive lawyers.    That was somewhat comforting to all the tax-payers who are partisans of NCSU, ECU, Duke, Appy, et al.   OK, I’m not sure there ARE any Duke partisans who actually live / pay taxes in North Carolina except maybe for the afore-mentioned Bob Harris.

As my flaming tweet noted, the Mega$$$$ Bucks to pay TeamSkaddenArp are coming from “a war chest” assembled by a group of “concerned” BlueZoners aka UNC Fat Cats.   Its been known for the past month or so that such a “war chest” was being filled.   No, I don’t have any names but if you know any prominent UNC Fat Cats you could guess who some would be.

What price Braggin’ Rights? …… Or How much is it worth to win water cooler pissin’ contests?   That’s what this latest silliness amounts to.

Apparently there IS legitimate concern amongst these deep-pocketed war chest contributors that additional sanctions are indeed headed UNC’s way.   They are commissioning Patrick Fitzgerald and his Skadden buddies to “do whatever it takes” to:

“….. drag this odious mess outta ‘nother decade or so until UNC can either (1) hire Gene Chizik or (2) until Mary & Jay have as many books in print as James Patterson or Danielle Steele, whichever comes first.”

At what Pat’s Team gets per hour, “draggin this mess out” should not be a problem AT ALL.   Buy stock in Skadden Arp.   Their future looks really bright.

I certainly support any efforts to help Mary & Jay sell more books.  Not to mention my own sheer delight in the juicy column fodder to surely emerge.

Look, I’m fine with these CarolinaWay-drunk, BlueZoneBoys doing this.  It’s their money however they inherited and/or earned it and how they spend it is absolutely up to them.   If “winning water coolers pissin’ contests” IS that important to’em, hey, ante up guys.   Hellfire, they just won one last night without paying Skadden Arps one blue cent.

Rival fans can / are / will jump all over this in a generally critical and cynical way because, well that’s what rival fans always do.   If these ego-driven,  deep-pocketed Tru-Blues were building “a war chest” to find a cure for Ebola or get Jimmy V officially deified as a Saint, rival fans would be critical about that too.
Speaking of being critical…… am I the only one who went YIKES when Duke announced that “they” will now have Muslim Calls To Prayer emanating from The Duke Chapel.

NOTE:  Duke REVERSED this stoopid decision at 3:00PM Thursday after BobLee, Rush, and Franklin Graham combined to blast it worldwide.   My lines about Laettner and Blue Burka are soooo good I’m leaving them up. LINK.

The prestigious West Derm academic asylum used to be nicknamed “Methodist Flats” for its associated with the Methodist Church.   One might ponder how John Wesley would react to this latest news from “Muslim Flats”.   Alla Akbar…..  Is it just a matter of days before “Christian” Laettner’s jersey is removed from The Cameron Rafters ???

Will Duke cheerleaders soon be dancing to:

“Devil With The Blue Burka On!” ???

Say Good Night, Mohammed!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x