Butch and Mack “Plead Sgt Schultz” and

December13/ 2014

  No, I did not attend any of the numerous Watch Parties held for Friday night’s Butch Does ESPN’s Outside The Lines Show.   I prefer to watch such extravaganzas from the comforts of my Home Theater.

ESPN had two of its current employees – “The Butcher of Kenan” and “The Right Reverend Mack Brown” on adjacent stools being queried by some guy from OTL.  As I’m sure you all already know – Butch & Mack “Went Sgt. Schultz” sans the German army helmets.

As Butch “pled the Schultz” I wondered where are NASCarl Torbush and Burly John Bunting?   I figure either (1) Carl and John not being ESPN employees might have expected travel expenses, or (2) ESPN OTL only had two stools.

FYI:  This column only cover Butch On ESPN on Saturday.   If you want the Full Weekend Butch 2.0 you need to go hereLINK.  But read this first as Part Two picks up where this ends.

I don’t know if they used the same stool that Rashad McCants used when he was on OTL some months ago.   I’ll have to ask BalBiz the next time we chat.29d0971016def68d9222bdd3378f00845fe9da1d7d7c96f4549d0ae682d2b127

Butch “knew absolutely nuthin’ about nuthin’ especially nuthin’ about any Powerpoint presentation” explaining how the Crowder Scheme operated.   Wonder what that infamous Powerpoint presentation would bring on ebay?   You know PackPride would pay Mega-$$$$ for it.

No, the ESPN OTL guy did NOT ask Butch if he knew his long-time best friend John Blake or where the heck John Blake is these days.  I wanted to call-in to see if Butch knew “Jon Sasser” but they weren’t taking call-ins.   Maybe I’ll try to get on Paul Finebaum Show and ask Paul if he knows “Jon Sasser” or John Blake.

FOR THE RECORD:  The Butcher “lost his job” for all the Blake Crap he “never knew about”; NOT The 18-year Scheme he “never knew about”.  When Holden canned Butch he (Holden) was still trying to extradict Julius back from Africa.  I appreciate that with soooo much crap out there, its easy to get the timeline confused.

Mack not only knew nuthin’ about any of that, I got the feeling Mack wasn’t too sure who Butch was.   As Mack confirmed he “don’t know nuthin’ ’bout nuthin either” I wondered how many gnarly old TruBlues were glaring at their TV screens muttering “he (Mack) lied to dem boys”.

All that this made-for-ESPN gala lacked was Lebron James announcing he was ”takin’ my game to Miami” OR Geraldo openin’ Al Capone’s vault……  I think I’ll ask my buddy Boz to check with CEO John Skipper for the next time ESPN plans to have Butch on to say “I don’t know nuthin'”?   Was this a sweeps week or sumpthin’?

Meanwhile over on TMZ, Kim Kardashian was announcing she was tired of her Big Butt look and was going “flat butt”.   TRUE STORY!   It will be interesting to see which TV Tell All garners the highest ratings.

Oh, for the record…. neither The Butcher nor Reverend Mack were wearing “I Can’t Breathe” t-shirts.   We are left on our own to speculate if the two former UNC Football Coaches are (1) “radical right-wing racists” or (2) “radical left-wing anarchists”.   In America / Dec 2014, those are your only two choices.

If you thought that ESPN thingy (and Kim K’s big announcement) was ALL that happened on Friday you are sooooo out-of-the-loop.

As I announced in a comment on the “Suppose Nothing” column, I had yet another Incredibly Insightful Insider Lunch on Friday.   It was at Hickory Tavern in the charmingly Bohemian Chapel Hill sister-city of Carrboro.   The same building where some disconsolate misfit toy threatened to jump off the 9th floor roof earlier this Fall until my Good Sports partner Art Chansky “talked him off the ledge”.    That AC actually “talked him off the ledge” is cloaked in mystery.   It’s a good story so I’m going with it.

Gathered there Friday were “me” (the Internet Legend), “Mary & Jay” (The Whistleblower & The Dissident) and a retired UNC Admin of considerably credible repute.   Unlike me, Mary and Jay…. the credible retired UNC Admin would prefer NOT to be threatened and called obscene names on monkey boards so he/she will remain anonymous.

The Anonymous Retired UNC Admin (ARUNCA) was curious about “Mary & Jay” and wanted to confirm his/her supportive opinions about their Noble Quest.   Such confirmation was garnered over a delightful lunch.

ARUNCA is understandably distraught over the “House Of Cards” that has been revealed at UNC and is of the opinion that a thorough dismantling of said HoC is needed before healing can begin.

The Quite Dead Horse Concept of a Southern Ivies Conference was beaten around as it has been so often over the decades.    A Southern Ivies Conference has even less of a chance at ever happening as “more good clean TV shows like Bonanza and Gunsmoke” have of ever popping up on your HDTV screen.

We also advanced an equally silly concept of a National Public Ivy League in which only student-athletes who can read the opening line of Moby Dick can play.   That NPIL, for now, would only be UNC, UVA, and Michigan.   Michigan is currently coach-less and at UVA none of the horny fraternity boys would be allowed to play.   Our concept has a ways to go before we unveil our logo.

So how many 5-star blue-chippers you think can actually read “Call me Ishmael.”

How many “sports bars” do you think there are in the Chapelboro metro area?  Somewhere between “a lot” and “a whole lot” depending on how many big screen TVs it takes to qualify as a sports bar.  Hickory Tavern has 53.  That qualifies.   Lets say there’s “at least a dozen”.   So which of those dozen places does the UNC Athletic Academic Support Gang choose for their Holiday Party at noon on Friday?   BINGO!

WHOA BL…. isn’t the UNC Athletic Academic Support Gang the same bunch that …… and that ……. and that also …… ?   Yep, that be them.   Was BB The Blogger that hates Mary so much there?

I’ve never seen or met BB The Blogger so I wouldn’t know.   Mary saw him when he walked by our booth.  He did a horrified double-take when he saw “HER”.

Alls we needed at that point was for a C-Blue Prius to crash thru the front door and pour out – Tiny Little Carol – The Very Ethical Jan Boxill – Dean Provost Dean – Joel The Vice Chanc of Spin – Ken The $950/hr Investigator –  Trydeke – Melvin – Debbie Don’t Do Lunch – Jennifer The Tutor – Fats – and about a dozen whiney misfit toys carrying votive candles in support of free-range chickens.

What does it say that I keep finding myself in these Whoop-de-Do situations so often that I kind of expect’em now.  I had a Reuben and Mary had a Veggie Burger with no onion.  ARUNCA had a fruit salad.   Jay had some glop called “a Health Nut Salad”.

I think I’ll contact BalBiz @ Mike&Mike now about those stools.   I wonder if she will say….. “I don’t know NUTHIN’ about Nuthin’ ‘bout no stools.”   Surely not BalBiz.

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