If I had a nickel for every time, over the past several years, I’ve been asked “So BobLee, what’s eventually going to happen at Carolina?” Boy, would I have an awful lot of nickels. If I got a quarter every time I would be in Ken Wainstein’s tax bracket.
Within a few hundred miles of Ground Zero that question is much more prevalent than “Who will be the 4th playoff team?” or even “How will Johnny Manziel do this Sunday?”. UNC’s Fate even more on the regional mind than Johnny Manziel ??? WOW!
…. and a few other lesser items, too.
Somewhere in the murky middle between the ABC Mob’s “Give Us Dean’s Head” blood lust and The Franklin Street Ostrichs’ “Wainstein… Julius – Who?” there exist a vast universe of possibilities as to “what will happen if anything happens and when will whatever happen and why hasn’t it happened yet?”
Despite the absolute certainties long espoused by the most deranged representatives of said ABC Mob and said Ostrichs, I’m pretty certain No One Knows. “Nothing Will Happen” does remain a possibility. Nothing = No Further Sanctions – No DEATH PENALTY – No Loss of Accreditation (whatever tha heck “that” means) – No Roy Led Off In a Straight Jacket – No Dean Powerwashed Off The Dome – Zip, Zero, Nada, Goose Egg as our AT&T /Uzbekistan belle – Milana might say.
Both ABCers and TruBlues will be trapped together forever “like Charlie on the MTA”…. riding forever ‘neath the streets o’ Boston. If NOTHING is indeed what happens.
The NCAA, The ACC, Congress or a St Louis County Grand Jury or even the World Court @ The Hague are NOT obligated to “do” anything.
I am NOT advocating Nothing Happening. I’m simply saying Nothing Is Still A Possibility. I haven’t seen the Vegas odds on “Nothing”. Until “Something” replaces “Nothing”, Nothing is what we have.
Yes, I’m using the ABC Mob definition of “Nothing” which excludes the departure of Butcher, Dickie, Holden and assorted other functionaries…. AND the scholarship losses….. and the bowl ban. Why don’t those count as somethings? “Because” that’s why.
What about the world-class humiliation and embarrassment heaped upon every living member of the UNC Family? No, that doesn’t count either until ALL 100,000 or so get “UNCheats” carved in their foreheads like Brad Pitt’s guys did to the Nazis in Inglorious Basterds. Don’t get hung-up here Albert, just keep reading.
OK, Its not Nothing if one is one of the Naughty Nine who may/may not be/have been “disciplined” in some undisclosed fashion. I still have this image of 4-5 Athletic Academic support staff non-entities running “gassers” in Kenan at 5:00 AM while being yelled at by Tiny Little Carol (TLC-FD) with a bullhorn. I would say “with a whistle” but “whistle” carries a very different connotation.
INSERT: We haven’t talked about “that sexual assault mess up at UVa” yet. You do know that such a convoluted Cluster-Eff is always a possibility at The Flagship. Carol has made “sexual assaults” her pet ObamaCare-ish project. Sexual assaults on college campuses IS a very serious issue. That doesn’t mean that Chancy Carol will handle her issue any more adroitly than the she-Chanc at UVA botched hers even with the help of that highly paid whizbang team of South Bldg Oompa Loompas. ….. A GREAT Ann Coulter piece on the UVA Rape Hoax – LINK.
Just because so many Mobbers and Ostrichs are hanging on tenterhooks (whats a tenterhook?) waiting for The NCAA or Congress or ESPN or Swofford or Roger Goodell or “that accreditation Acronym” or The World Court @ The Hague to “do something about UNC” doesn’t mean something will ever be done. I have friends expecting The Rapture any day now too. FWIW….. Neither “Fire Roy” nor “tear down those rafters” are mentioned in Revelation or by Nostradamus. Albert knows all about Revelation.
I have another vision of B’rer Kennel dressed as Mr Wuff leading weekly Barber-esque demonstrations outside the UNC Admin HQ. I’m sure The N&O and Goodmon’s journo-vultures would cover them. Call’em Never Give Up Tuesdays.
So, what if “Nothing” is where we’re still stuck two-five-eight-twenty years from now?
I will still be asked “what and when” several times/day….. There will still be obsessed ABC goobers on fan boards typing UNCheats in each of their 1,000s of posts……. Ostrichs will still be blaming Dan Kane and bleating “Everybody does It EXCEPT us because Dean was too born in a manger”……. Eventually Roy will indeed go away…… Eventually Larry will skedaddle off to a “for-real football school” where no one bugs him about thuggish crap….. Mary & Jay will be on the global book / lecture circuit…… Swofford will retire and be replaced by Todd Turner….. Tiny Little Carol will also “go away” and be replaced by a one-eyed gay guy with a bad comb-over “from Uzbekistan”…… No member of the BOT will dare to ever see for themselves that there really ARE UNC student-athletes who can’t read….. Gene Nichol will still be the Official Not-Official Spokesman For UNC….. and Eeeeevil Art Pope will be President-For-Life of The UNC System. …… AND – Every obnoxious Wuff or obnoxious Heel fan you have in your life will be just as obnoxious as they have always been.
Neither NOTHING nor SOMETHING will ever change that last one.
I noted in a Reader Comment on the last column that I did one of my famous civic club focus groups last week with the Fayetteville Kiwanis. Out of about 100 relatively normal middle-aged businessmen “only about a dozen” had ever heard of Mary Willingham. I didn’t measure their awareness of Ken Wainstein…. or Art Chansky. Six of’em HAD actually heard of me and recited back especially clever things I’ve said over the years. My honorarium was a Kiwanis thumb drive and a paperweight.
FYI: The Rocky Mount Kiwanis give really cool birdhouses. We have two of’em. Blondie keeps hoping they will invite me back there.
Hey… Remember when I predicted two weeks ago that the NFL permitting the Rams’ “Hands Up” on-field thing was CERTAIN to lead to similar such demonstrations within the NBA and with colleges. Bingo and Bingo….. I can’t wait for RoyzBoyz to ask him to wear an ”I Can’t Breathe” t-shirt. He made such a typical Roy splatt over wearing the Green Recycle Whatever tie last week. I’m REALLY going to miss that guy when he’s gone. ….. NOW REMEMBER: We are NOT stifling Freedon Of Speech at all just suggesting social activism gets really dicey where folks are paying good money for just sports entertainment. Sports officials might wanna rethink this new trend.