A Brand New Tradition Like No Other!

December08/ 2014

Yesterday saw the Dawn of a new American Tradition…. “Where were you when The First Final Football Four were announced?”  Will this latest annual made-for-TV spectacular go the way of other such eagerly anticipated BFDs?

Cities vieing to host The Announcement show….. Beyonces and Taylor Swifts performing…. “The Event” even getting its official name from Lamar Hunt’s granddaughter’s toy – i.e. Super Ball = Super Bowl.

I think TeamCondi got it right enough to satisfy as many fans as will ever be satisfied with any decision involving sports.  Baylor and TCU are both private “faith-based” institutions???   Was their snubbing the latest attack on Christianity in America?  Merry Christmas Urban Meyer.

Do Baylor and TCU have enough hard-core psycho fans to generate some incredibly stoopid “We don’t get no respect” reaction?   Will Jeff Long become “a Swofford” for dissidents in Waco and Ft Worth?

If this was another BCS year, Oregon would likely be “the Auburn” that got left out 6-8 years ago.   Phil Knight could then stamp every Nike shoe with “we wuz robbed”.

I used to say that a college football playoff will never expand to 8 or 16 because of the academic calendar and the Christmas holidays.   The NCAA has proven unequivocally that academics is simply a nine-letter word that will never get in the way of anything the American sporting public demands.    Issues tied to mid-December exams and semester-based eligibility of players can easily be finessed.

As far as mass migrations of fans for three or four weeks over holidays, that is immaterial too.   As with the 39 bowls, on-site attendance is just incidental revenue.   The TV audience is all that matters to the decision-makers.

Speaking of mass migration of fan bases…. The charter flights and buses headed to Detroit for December 26th much-anticipated UNC v Rutgers Quick Lane Bowl are (NOT) filling up fast.  The game is assured of good weather, played indoors at Ford Field.

As with Shreveport’s Bossier City casinos, there are casinos across the border in Windsor.   There is a Cabela’s Superstore about twenty miles south towards Toledo…. maybe tours of the worst slums in America or an auto assembly plant or where Eminem went to kindergarten.   Wow, I ‘m getting a tingle down my leg.

Quick Lane are Ford’s auto-service centers.   The Quick Lane Bowl used to be the Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl.   The knock-off watches and logoed micro-fleece warm-ups bowl swag should be instant keepsakes.

Thumping the Scarlet Knights will surely help shellshocked TruBlues get over the Massacre Amid The Lofty Pines.   Right?  Will being Quick Lane Champions compensate for losing “accreditation”?   So many questions.

Detroit?  There oughta be some way to work in UNC’s notorious Official Not-official Spokesman Gene “Mr Poverty” Nichol somehow.  Maybe have Mean Gene walk Detroit’s “mean streets” with Benjamins sticking out of his hair.

At least St Petersburg is in Florida which has some recruiting impact.   Duke going to El Paso has the pleasures of Juarez just across the border.    Not sure what Birmingham offers to ECU loyalists except “playing an SEC school”.   Of the four regional teams “going bowling”, The Fedorians take the prize as “the one easiest to poke fun at”.   Does a school get a banner for that?

For the record, the official statements from all four local “going bowling” coaches all contained the phrase “we are thrilled for our seniors” and “….. excited to be playing such an outstanding opponent as ________”.

2014 Bowl Watchability Rankings (LINK)

Back To TeamCondi and THE ANNOUNCEMENT….. I think having a truly dementiaed Pat Dye made another inane comment about “Condoleezza Rice has never stuck her hand in the dirt” would have been a fun touch.   If Archie had been in the room would “the two faith-based schools” have had a better chance?

Both TCU and Baylor have a lot of pretty coeds who probably aren’t as pure as they appear to be and who probably cried for about five minutes Sunday afternoon before heading to Macy’s to buy lip gloss.   Both schools surely have their board monkey factions who are surely responding in classic board monkey fashion.   Sad little goobers who are convinced the rest of us wake up every day conjuring up ways to screw them.

Baylor and TCU board monkeys lack the sheer number and general aggressiveness of other Texas-based Lunatic Fringes based in Austin and College Station.   I’m not expecting any headlines about incredibly stoopid fan reactions from either school.

FWIW, if either Baylor or TCU had “made the cut” that would have been fine with me, but I think having four juggernauts for the first College Football Playoff is probably appropriate.

The best lesson learned might be Baylor’s cupcake OOC schedule.   Schools dreaming of being considered for The Football Four should consider that factor in their scheduling.   A one-cupcake minimum might be a rule of thumb.   I don’t think any school in NC needs to be concerned.  For area ACC schools to schedule ECU on some rotating basis would alleviate that somewhat.   Plus, it would fill otherwise empty seats in area stadiums.

I think The Committee is fine.   I assume “they” will rotate members in/out like most boards do….. maintaining continuity of process while letting more and more people incur the wrath of psycho nutjob fans.

Howsabout a national lottery for one slot on The Committee for a certified nutjob?   One pure inbred jackass who thinks he should be his school’s AD “because”.  Imagine that loonie being wheeled into The Committee room in a Hannibal Lechter mask and chained to a stake over in the corner.

♦ ♦ ♦

I need ya’ll’s help with a new word or term.   Our last column about The NFL (and other sports leagues) opening itself up to invasion by socio-political activists drew some reader criticism for this website discussing socio-political activism.

We need a new term for “this sort of stuff”.   “Politics” used to be something America paid attention to for a few weeks every other November.   Partisans donned straw boaters and sang patriotic ditties about their candidate.   Candidate grinned and kissed babies.    Somebody won….. somebody lost….. and America quickly turned it’s attention to Thanksgiving and what cartoon character might be a Macy’s Parade balloon in a given year.

Now “Politics” is a 24/7 365 day guerilla war that permeates every niche of our lives.   Partisans are every bit, if not more so, as aggressive as sports partisans.   Which kind of makes sense since POTUSes and Senators and Governors and State Legislators et al arguably have even more influence over our lives than do Conference Commissioners and Athletics Directors.  Yes, it’s true.  They really really do.

One critic of our last column stated that “discussions of politics and/or religion never change anyone’s minds”.   His implication being that discussions of “sports” DO change peoples’ minds.  Oooooo-Kay!

“Race” is a really big deal in America.   You might wish it were not, but it is   Your solution for “Race” not being a really big deal in America likely involves “Everyone just getting along”.   Everyone’s solution is a version of that.

If everyone was as incredibly Solomon-esque insightful as some of you are, we could begin each bright new day singing that old Coke commercial “I’d Like To Teach The World To sing in perfect harmony…..”.   The rest of us are not as Solomon-esque as some of you are so here we are.

This website will continue to delve into “Why we, as human beings (and institutions), do what we do” because I find those “whys” to be fascinating.   If that is “politics” to you then so be it.   If that is “religion” to you then so be that too.  If no minds are changed, so be that too.

We repost clearly-labeled AgentPierce columns here because many of you requested we do so.   The rest of you, we are confident, can/do skip over AP’s columns.

….. OR, we agree on a different term to describe the touchy subjects that will be discussed here and commented on by those of you who choose to comment.  Only 2% of our readers ever comment BTW.   I’m open to a different term but:

I will NEVER avoid “touchy subjects”.   I like “touchy subjects”.

NOTE:  A fully functioning UNCer of some renown stated to me that The Massacre Amid The Pines came down to a non-call by Ron Cherry’s crew on a pass interference issue in the 3rd Quarter.   Ron Cherry, of course, has always “been out to get” UNC.   YIKES!


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