How To Blame It All on Coach K….

October27/ 2014

The epicenter of The Greatest Scandal EVER was Rm 204 of The Kenan Center last Wednesday.  That seems a lifetime ago.  Its next week and we’re in to “aftershock season”.

The first wave of “piling on” has given way to the second, third and fourth waves of “piling on”….. not saying “piling on” isn’t appropriate mind you.   Recall my oh so prophetic comment to Holden Thorp back in the Pre-Marvin Tweet Era re: why do people care.

Deborah Crowder as UNC’s Squeaky Fromme will have many scurrying to Wikipedia.   Your favorite Internet Legend posts “a bounty”.    And heck, lets blame IT all on Coach K.  I’ll show you how…..

Many of you will recall the first time I met to-be-Provost at Wash U – Holden Thorp at Sutton’s Drug Store.   The former Rubik’s Cube champion’s very first question as we awaited our chili dogs was….. “BobLee, why does everyone care so much what happens here?” …… not meaning Suttons Drug Store but rather at UNCCH.

“Define Everyone.”  I asked rhetorically.  The global “everyone” doesn’t care all that much, Chancellor.   If you move out in 50-mile concentric circles from this lunch counter, the degree of “obsession” dissipates.   I included the obligatory reference to those 8,000,000,000 Chinese.

To reprove the correctness of my theory, Blondie and I made our annual Fall trek to BB&T Field in Winston-Salem this past Saturday.   The Moricle Society’s swanky digs high atop Deacon Tower is two concentric circles from Sutton’s lunch counter.

The level of genuine mega-warm hospitality that we are accorded there has stalemated after 5-6 previous visits.  I say that because it would be impossible for it to get any more hospitable.   It is awesome.

My ten+ years in the luxury hotel bizness taught me the art of making people (aka VIPs) feel special.   I never personally mastered that art but I appreciate it when I see others practice it.   The staff of The Deacon Club are GrandMasters of Genuine Hospitality.   “Genuine” being what makes it so special.   DeaconWorld is going thru a reboot of their two “revenue sports”.   Both Football and Basketball have new Moses’ inspiring “the hope that springs eternal” among its fan base.   Ergo, the game was secondary to the awesome conviviality of those assembled in the Moricle Suite.

100 or so miles from Sutton’s the level of rabid interest in Debbie Did WHAT had dissipated into about five minutes of Carolina Way zingers and one-liners before we got to the important stuff of (1) why Mike Matheny pitched Wacha and (2) is Buster Posey the next Jeter?

Speaking of “the next Jeter” I might have met him.  It might be Whit Merrifield, son of Rocky Mount’s own Bill Merrifield and the hero of WhitMerriUnivSoCarol’s first of two CWS championships.   Whit is a phenom in the Royals’ farm system and primed to “make it to the show” next season.   The kid oozes Chip Hilton and Roy Hobbs.  Remember that name – Whit Merrifield.

My WFU hosts have “real lifes” not unlike The Hickory Rotary Club where only seven of 104 Rotarians had ever heard of Jennifer The Tutor.   More than a bit humbling for anyone with an Old Well-centric view of the cosmos.   That is assuming that Old Wellers are capable of being humbled.  The jury is still out on that.

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ABCers are, of course, sending me EVERY piece of Internet satire they find re: Debbie Did WHAT.    Everyone seems to have their own favorite.  Be assured I do see them, usually well before you are inspired to “send this to BobLee”.

Al Sharpton’s “UNC is worse than Donald Sterling” comment LINK was a LuLu that has Frank Porter Graham spinning in his grave.   Has what Debbie did actually negated the recruiting of Charlie Scott?   YIKES!

If you had listened to The Good Sports on Saturday you would have heard me “post a bounty”.   I am offering a $25 gift certificate to Spanky’s for a verified picture of Deborah Crowder.   Googling, Binging or Facebooking the elusive Frau Crowder yields naught but lots of pics of Little Carol, “Mary” and a grinning Jan Boxhill (obviously taken well before last Wednesday).

I have posted my bounty offer at hoping 8,000,000,000 Chinese might be able to find a Deborah Crowder pic.   Whether they care about $25 worth of Spanky’s fare, I don’t know.

Within minutes of my announcing the bounty I received this one.   It seemed plausible at first but turned out to be a Deborah Crowder Loger from Baton Rogue – convicted embezzler and former Meth Queen from Slidell.   The search continues.  It took almost two years for a Jennifer The Tutor pic to be verified.

NOTE:  Neither “Mary” nor “Jay” have ever seen / met Deborah Crowder.  I found that interesting.

UNC has meticulously scrubbed all pics of Frau Crowder from the Internet.  Protecting its own, even “it’s own” who turned 220 years of a stellar self-image into an international punchline.

Meet Deborah Crowder

Deborah Crowder as UNC’s Squeaky Fromme?  This one is quirky.  “Squeaky” was one of Charles Manson’s girls.   Arguably the most memorable because her nickname was “Squeaky”.   Susan Adkins and Katie Krinwinkel being less known.   “Squeaky” was released on parole in 2009.   Did you know that?  ….. “Squeaky” and her Manson sorority sisters would do anything to please Charlie.

Imagine Deborah and Burgess McSwain as “Dean Girls” equally devoted to pleasing Dean and the analogy assumes form and void.   Whether Dean ever asked, or even suggested, that they embark on their infamous “eligibility thru AfAm” grade Scheme we will likely never know.  One’s degree of Love or Hate for UNC being the determining factor.  But whatabout a scenario in which the two BFFs (Deborah and Burgess) devise the Scheme on their own to “help ‘him’ (Dean) ward off the ultimate eeeeevil that had emerged just eight miles down 15-501. 

Desperate Times  >  Desperate Measures  >  The Scheme.

To hardcore UNCers, stopping Coach K easily justifies “whatever it takes”.   After all he (1) “cusses” and (2) “dyes his hair” and (3) “wins a lot”.   What more justification is needed?  Indeed.

Ken Wainstein has located the headwaters of The Scheme as around 1993 or so – the recruiting of Rasheed Wallace and Touche McGinnis.

Coach K had won his first two rings in 91 and 92.   Dean countered with Montross/Williams in 93 but it was obvious that “K” was not going away and would be a threat of unimaginable proportions.   A threat so real that Dean would retool his recruiting for “a different type of student-athlete”.   Those “different type of kids” would require a different sort of “handling”.   That special “handling” being The Scheme.

When ‘Sheed bolted after just his sophomore year (along with Stackhouse) they were Dean’s first “two and gone” players signaling the end of Dean’s Way of developing an upperclassmen-centric team.   UNC was capitulating to the glorified 2-year “JuCo program”….. which has since been replaced by Calipari’s Way aka “the one & dones”.

Dean abruptly retired in October of ’97.   His final team included the infamous, much-traveled and ever-colorful Makthar N’Diaye.   For many Tru-Blues just the word “Makhtar” causes involuntary eye twitches.  Actually most Tru-Blues have revised their UNC Basketball history to conveniently exclude the enigmatic Senegalian.

Dean retires >  Bill Guthridge gets his “pension-boost”  >  Roy stays at KU  >  and Matt Doherty arrives and runs off everyone EXCEPT Burgess McSwain.   Matt tells insiders “I want a team of Mandingo warriors”.   Uh oh….. enter McCants, May, Felton et al.   And then…. well, then Ken Wainstein’s Report kicks in.

Soooo A to B to C to D ….. to “K”.   It’s not Deborah Crowder’s fault at all.  None of this mess woulda happened if Mike Krzyzewski has stayed up at West Point and never posed a threat to Dean Smith. ….. I rest my case.

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If you have not been revisting the Reader Comments on “Rich White Men” you really should.  Over 50 and counting.  This one will likely garner as many if not more. …. and Pierce’s piece on Soft Bigotry has drawn interest from “the networks”.  Don’t tell Pierce I said so but it is MASTERFUL.

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