That email query – “Are any rich white males in trouble?” – hit my iPhone at 2:14 PM. It was from “a very prominent figure in The Great Unpleasantness”. I giggled then replied “not yet, but the Q&A is just beginning”.
When the Ken & Carol Show was over I showed that email to “That Damn” Dan Kane. He giggled. Did you know Dan Kane could giggle? It was a “giggle and roll your eyes” kinda event in Rm 204 of The Kenan Center @ Kenan-Flagler Business School on Wednesday.
You have surely read/heard the blah blah yadda yadda media reports. Teams of crack forensic operatives over at ABC HQ are dissecting every word on all 100+ pages of “Ken’s Report”. You don’t visit here for what you can get anywhere. You come here for WHAT DID BOBLEE THINK. Here goes……
Wainstein Speaks was different from The Martin Report. Still a Monty Python epic with generous portions of SNL skit and Twilight Zone elements for sure. Maybe it is unfair to compare the two but I can’t help it.
Ken is mucho more credible than Kindly Ol’ Jim Martin was for sure. He (Ken) did not try to warm up the audience with cracker barrel one-liners. I was pretty impressed with Ken Wainstein. He did exactly what he was contracted to do – thoroughly investigate the “Crowder – Nyang’oro Scheme”.
Ken’s aide-de-camp is some gianormous dude I recognized from Wrestlemania IX or was it XII? Gianormous dude bills out at around $700/hour.
It was NOT a good day for Deborah Crowder. FYI: Deborah is NOT AfAm, she is Cauc. Julius is not AfAm either. Julius is “Af”, no “Am”.
According to Ken “it” was all pretty much Deborah’s doing over the past 20 some years. The FBI supposedly now wants to interview Deborah concerning the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby and “who put the bop in the bop-shu-bop”. Interpol wants her for the theft of the Topkapi emerald.
Jan Boxhill and her Center For Academic Ethics (wink, snort) became a permanent punchline. WHOA! Boxhill & Ethics now go together like Clinton & Celibacy.
Yes, I realize many of you thought Ken was hired at $990/hour to administer the world’s most expensive and thorough rectal examination of Roy / Matt / Gut / Dean and maybe Frank McGuire too. No, he wasn’t, and he didn’t. The rather narrow scope of his investigation was obvious in his opening power point slide.
Any slight hope that we were going to see Roy wheeled out ala the final scene of Braveheart and allowed to admit to his bevy of sins before he would be publicly drawn & quartered were squashed by 1:20.
I had told you’ans that Ken was NOT a judge nor a hangman nor any sort of executioner at all, but board monkeys and assorted likkered-up lunatics gonna believe what they wanna believe….. bless their googly little eyes and little lizard brains.
Speaking of which…. the audience for this hootenanny was “interesting”. There was Douggie Dibbert (aka “the Dickie” of The UNC Alumni Assoc) AND Deborah “I don’t do lunch” Stroman. Every time I’m in a room with Dibbert, someone always manages to come up to me and remark how universally unpopular he is….. as he enters his 30+ years at UNCCH firmly entrenched for life and beyond. There’s a lot of “those” over there.
All the local newshounds were in attendance of course. Even venerable old Larry Stogner from WTVD. Larry covered Millard Fillmore’s inauguration. I mentioned “That Damn” Dan Kane. He was upfront and center.
Dan’s question – “What did Roy know and when did he conveniently forget he knew it?” was an Ahhhhah moment for sure.
Speaking of questions…. Mary Willingham’s name came up in the 2nd question. I had “within the first four” so I won that pool. Little Carol scrunched up her nose and made a “I smell something” face. I emailed Mary. She LOLed me back.
AgentPierce’s favorite award-winning N&O newsweasel Rob “ReilleWho” Christensen was NOT present. Pierce says Rob was driving “Bully” Barber around the state in his very heavy-duty Barbermobile handing out fliers that Thom Tillis’ great-great-great granddaddy Thomas Ezekial Tillis Esq. “might” have once owned Kunte Kinte. Rob and Bully are quite a pair.
All my WCHL pals were there – Engineer Anthony, Chansky (of course) and even Legendary Jim Heavner. Heavner-in-person made it a “be there or be square” event. I “was there”.
All my BOG buddies were there. As soon as the house lights went up they all buttonholed me for what I thought. I showed them that “rich white males” email. The seven “rich white males” all laughed. Who said Academic Scandal Reports are a dull, boring affair?
All of TeamBubba was on-hand along with Kirschy and Kevin and Jones (holdovers from Dickie Days).
The rest of the room were a plethora of people with weak chins and close-set eyes. Not sure what they do and not sure I want to know.
There were only TWO QUESTIONS anyone really cared about:
(1) How much did all this cost?
(2) Where’s Roy and whats gonna happen to him, if anything?
Charming Little Carol (from Dartmouth) said (1) “I don’t know” and (2) “I can’t comment about that” respectively. Three more newsies promptly asked her the same two questions. Like I said, it’s why everyone came to this thing.
When asked how much he was going to charge, Ken said “I’m not sure yet”. Uh oh. When Tom Ross was asked “how much”, he at least said “a heckuva lot!” No one seemed to know how many zeros in “a heckuva”. Speculation is “at least a million five if not over two”.
No clue where the mega-$$$$ will come from, but definitely NOT from The Koch Brothers.
When asked whether The Butcher or Ol’ Roy did THE BEST Sgt Schultz impression (“I know Nuuuuthing.”)? Ken said they were both very very convincing. Ever the diplomat that Ken.
“CL Carol FD” says nine UNC employees have been/will be disciplined or worse for their parts in “the scheme”. Does that mean “running stadium steps at 5 AM” or “holding a lighted match while singing both verses of Hark The Sound?” Carol was not specific.
As predicted, the ABC mob dispatched its bottom-feeding suicide bombers before the news crews were unplugged. Cries of MORE COVER-UP and SWEPT UNDER THE RUG and WHATTABUNCHA CRAP are echoing from Murphy To Manteo. That was going to happen regardless unless the banners got ripped down from the rafters and Roy hung up in their place.
CL Carol FD only used the phrase “moving forward” twice. Vegas had that over/under at “at least a dozen”.
There was pre-show speculation that UNC Women’s Basketball was going to get hammered for skullduggery related to now-gone Diamond Deshields. UNC would not match the $$$ offer her AAU coach received from Tennessee. That may still happen but it was outside Ken’s contract. I don’t need to remind you how interested I am with anything involving girls’ basketball…… “like watching boys try to knit”.
More clowns poured out of the little South Bldg car. Always fun….. ABCers get to stay constipated. Tru Blue ostrichs who said “this is it, it’s all over now” after the parking tickets scandal three years ago are now saying “this is it, it’s all over now” again. Uh oh.
Wanna bet within 24 hours some enterprising newsie tracks down Roy and sticks a mic in his face! Chomp!
All the world is column fodder and show prep. It certainly was today.