Christmas In Shreveport? Rekindling The Dream

October20/ 2014

In recent years, when it comes to a sure W in Chapel Hill, only David Price has been a safer bet than Paul Johnson’s vaunted triple-optioning Yellow Jackets….until last Saturday night.   Riding the right arm and feet of  ‘Quis Williams the Fighting Fedorians kept alive their dream of Christmas In Shreveport.

Meanwhile down in Talla-Jameis…. the team that wins by the bizarre rule (i.e. “roughing the deep snapper”) can die by the bizarre rule (“illegal rubbing”??).   Wonder if there is a rule about “illegally rubbing a deep snapper”?

Meanwhile in WuffWorld…. between WuffDave, “PR”, Young Russell, and Mike Glennon; who had the best weekend?   Glennon.   His Bucs had an off-week.

And BobLee reveals his favorite TV commercial.

My #1 commercial is Rachel Bilson’s Magnum ice cream bar commercial.   The one where the really pretty girl is caught in a traffic jam on a hot day.  She runs across the tops of cars to get an ice cream bar from the refrigerator truck.   IMO, its the perfect commercial where the video tells the whole story…. except that you probably thought it was a Dove bar commercial, didn’t you?

My 2nd favorite is the little girl entrusting her Teddy Bear suitcase to the Delta baggage handling service.   I know its not a Teddy Bear.  I don’t know what it’s suppose to be.  Everyone (but Albert) knows the one I’m talking about.

The commercials with the sexy whispering British blonde extolling the virtues of Viagra, and the one with the bimbo and the Mile High Club monsterburger are NOT among my favorites.   Trying to explain either of those to a curious 5-year old would be awkward.  Maybe as awkward as actually eating one of those “coronary-on-a-bun”.

Meanwhile over at The Wally, 28,118 rabid Duke football fans continue to prove that “Just Win and they Will come” is as bogus a catch-phrase as “Don’t worry, we have this Ebola thing under control”.   Maybe if Duke had Rachel Bilson handing out free Magnum ice cream bars, they could actually draw 30,000 warm bodies more than once every two years for the Carolina game.

The Cutcliffe-driven Juggernaut has now won twice as many ACC games this year (two) than UNC and NCSU COMBINED (one).

Best line of Saturday night….. re: that specious “roughing the deep snapper” (???) call against UNC last week in South Bend.   According to a certified Tru-Blue loonie:  That Damn Johnny Swofford “ordered it” to insure a Battle Of The Unbeatens in Tallahassee.   I do NOT make this stuff up.   OK, some times I do.  But not this one.

Which do you think will come first?   (1) The release of The Wainstein Report….. (2) Dave Doeren winning an ACC game ….. (3) Jameis going an entire week without “doing something stoopid”? ….. or (4) Hell freezing over?

NOTE:  Within 45 minutes of this column being posted Monday morning, Ken Wainstein announced he will be “reporting” this Wednesday at 1:30PM.  A coincidence?  Yeah, sure (wink, wink).  Check the Reader Comments for more on-going dialogue on all this.

Who do you think is hated most along picturesque Franklin Street?   Dan Kane – Mike Krzyzewski – or The Koch Brothers?   They all start with “K”….. huummmm.   Depending on what Ken reports on Wednesday, another hated “K” could be added to the list.

My picks for The First Annual Condi & Archie Football Final Four after all the regular season A still has to play B still has to play C still has to play D still has to play E are:

Florida State – Oregon – Alabama – Notre Dame.   The ESPN ad sales guys are sure hoping I’m right.

My bubble teams are Michigan State, Georgia, and, maybe, one of the two Cinderella Mississippi teams but probably not.

Last week I had Baylor as a possibility.  Not any more.   Did you see where The Morgantown Morons reestablished their reputation as America’s Most Incestuously Retarded Fan Base?   It was Burn-A-Sofa Riot Saturday up in Deliverance Country.  “This is not acceptable Mountaineer behavior” said WVU Pres (the notorious) Gordon Gee.   Duh, it has been for the past fifty years, Gordon.
Even more embarrassing is WVU hiring Gordon Gee as it’s War Lord or Grand Dragon or whatever.   Gee is that bow-tie wearing nitwit that blew up Ohio State a few years ago.   Gordon Gee is the Herpes virus of university presidents.   He won’t ever go away.  …… Hey ‘Neers, why not hire “Huggy Bear” Huggins as your basketball coach?  Oh, that’s right.  You already did that.

If Gordon Gee can get rehired as a Univ Prez, maybe there is hope for Gene Nichol?   Nah.

Did you know that Bob Stoops was Spurrier’s DefCoor back when Florida was really good?   I bet Jeremy Foley UF’s AD can get Stoops to come back to Gainesville right now.    Sooner loonies have launched their “Bring Back Barry (Switzer)” campaign.    Their version of Clemson’s “Bring Back Danny (Ford)” campaign. …… and Franklin Street’s Sleeping Giant Society’s’ “Bring Back Butch” campaign.

Yes indeed….. The Butcher of Kenan went on the air waves last week to throw raw meat to the Old Well Walking Dead.   In a local talk show appearance that rattled board monkey cages from Fuquay to Mebane and all points in-between….. The Butcher reiterated that UNC should be “a Top Ten program”.    Butcher was sorta right.

UNC “could be” if the BOT3 (plus Dickie) had lived up to their “assurance” to him that “You can go get all the players you need to win.  We have a system in place to handle their admissions and eligibility”.   Apparently there WAS indeed such a system in place.  Then Young Marvin hit SEND and then….. and then….. and then….

If NSCU and UVa, and many other schools too, had such sweetheart systems in-place, they could also fulfill their fans’ champagne wishes and caviar dreams.   The schools that are Top Ten programs DO have well-established versions of similar systems.

It ain’t rocket science folks.   Assuming your school has one, preferably two, Jumbotrons and a fairly new Football Center with ping pong tables, pool tables and some hot tubs….. and a decent supply of skanky coed groupies…. and a few current “name” NFLers; alls you gonna need are (1) a compliant Admission Dept; (2) a few Uncle Julius’ and (3) owning your own local police department…. You too can start each September dreaming of a for-real bowl game in “a city with an airport” and maybe even it’s own Dave & Buster’s.

NOTE:  The Butcher was NOT asked if he knew the current whereabouts of John Blake…. or if he knew John Blake PERIOD.

Here’s a link to that awesome Rachel Bilson commercial.   LINK.

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