Another Game Older and Deeper In…..

October05/ 2014

  It was the ol’ peapicker hisself Tennessee Ernie Ford who sang of “Loadin’ sixteen tons and whatta you get?  Another day older and deeper in debt.  St Peter dontcha call me ‘cause I can’t go……”  Ol’ Ern was no kin to Danny (Ford) that we know of.

The Fighting Fedorians and WuffDave’s Brickyard Warriors are, indeed, another game older than they were last week but not one day closer to Christmas In Shreveport.   Every young blue-chip recruit’s dream of spending the Yuletide in a Bossier City casino wearing a cheap watch and a micro fleece warm-up suit is no closer to reality.   Woe is us!

There may be mucho joy in Mississippi on this Sunday morning, but for Triangle football fans it’s still Mudville.

The Death Valley end zone (and his first ACC W) proved ever-elusive to WuffDave’s fuzzy-cheeked warriors but quite accessible, for the second week in a row for the rock-rubbin’ Fighting Dabos.

One could almost hear the bottom-feeding goobers from The Embattled Flagship chiding their UNC System bottom-feeding brethren on The Brickyard that “we scored 35 points against them and only lost 50-35, and you got shutout 41-0…. ergo we are simply better human beings than you are.”

That being an adaptation of that infamous board monkey boast that General Hugh Shelton is a bigger deal than Rick Dees therefore State is better than UNC.   I often reuse that lunacy but until I hear a better summation of mankind’s base-level idiocy, I shall continue to use it.

Meanwhile at The Esso Club and Dan’s Sandwich Shop, the Danny Ford Marching & Chowder Society burps and yells “Hey waitress, bring us some REAL opponents!”  OUCH!

Amid Kenan’s lofty pines (where Progress is now defined as “Yippee, we held’em under 50”) Frank Beamer brought in his still good but not really all that good anymore Hokies and left with career Win #200+.   Frank also left AGAIN without signing a contract with “Call me Dickie”.   OUCH!

The local loonies throw feces at one another arguing whose “in permanent rebuilding mode” football programs is indeed “youngest” and therefore shows the most sliver of hope for someday being a solid middle tier ACC program….. when they can shout triumphantly “Look Out Music City / Muffler Bowls, Here We Come Again!”

Did a WuffLoonie actually post that “State has the only team in College Football without a single player on its roster old enuff to buy beer, vote or rent-a-car!”?  With UNC off probation (for the time being) and NSCU getting older by the day…. wonder what the next round of excuses, oops “reasons”, will be.  Trust me.  There is ALWAYS a next round of’em.

Let us bid adieu to such Aspirations of Football Mediocrity.  Let us go where Failure is defined as “We can’t go undefeated now so who gives a sh*t anymore!” otherwise known as Alabama, Oklahoma and Oregon.

The first Bring Back Dennis Franchione sign appeared outside a Tuscaloosa Waffle House at 6:37 PM Saturday night.  Tuff Bidness….

Seeing the despair etched on the faces of Tide, Sooner and Duck faithful; one might make a case that falling from atop a very high ladder hurts more worse than continually stubbing ones toe over a threshold.

Yeah verily….. ‘Tis it better to dream lofty dreams and awaken to a grim reality or to accept a less lofty reality….. and not place ones self-worth in the hands of semi-literate youngsters who go ga-ga over black helmets.

The state which has become a worn-out punchline for being #50 out of 50 for its quality of education – Missi-freakin’-ssippi – is, today, the Toast of College Football.

Holy Mary Willingham Batman!!   Blow your whistle and ring ‘dem cowbells.

I’m not sure if it was a Nostradamus quatrain or somewhere in Revelation after “rivers of blood and raining frogs” but don’t be buying any green bananas – the final nail jest got driven into the coffin of the mythical “student athlete”.

From the ivy-covered halls of oh-so-pretentious academia to the kudzu-covered double-wides of Starkville….. College Football’s handbasket’s descent to Complete Academic Irrelevance is now complete.

Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday is aspinnin’ in his grave fer sure….. sigh, sob, sniff.

♦ ♦

Step back off the ledge Bunky – DON’T JUMP!   Abner Doubleday to the rescue.   The remedy for your sports despair is just 60’6” away on a perfectly-mowed diamond 90’ by 90’ by 90’ by 90’.   Buy you some peanuts and crackerjacks and bedamned ‘dem black helmets and falsified high school transcripts.

This past week has produced SOOOOO many incredible MLB Playoff moments that I haven’t even been able to update BobLee’s Official Best Baseball Moment Ever list.

The week began with Mazeroski’s walk-off in 1960 and Game Six 2011 atop the list.   Yeah, Bucky Dent’s homer is somewhere near the top too and Buckner’s bobble….. then a buncha whozits from Kansas City played fruitbasket turn-over with the whole historical shebang.

HOLY MATT CARPENTER Bowie Kuhn!   The Greatest Pitcher In The History of Baseball named Kershaw gets sawed off at the knees by some Steve Logan lookalike wearing a Birds-on-the Bat uniform in what may have been The Greatest At-Bat in The History of Baseball.

And all that was before The Giants and Nats played a 126-inning filibuster marathon in DC that might still be going on.  ….. and if Detroit didn’t have enough woes with being America’s Most Bankrupt City and all.   Buck’s Baltimore Birds are 27 outs away from exiling Miggie & Company to the dreaded “off-season”.    Justin Verlander and Kate Upton might be on-the-beach in Waikiki by Tuesday.

The Week That Was in MLB might not matter much to the euphoric folks in Mississippi right now but it was A HUMDINGER.

Roger Roger and his “We Don’t Ask & Lets Hope The Beat-up Baby Mammas Don’t Tell” domestically violent gridiron gangstas are still doing what they do I suppose.   Only two more new reported cases this week, unless I missed a dozen or so.

As for me….. I’ll be much closer than 60’6” from my flatscreen watching The Boys Of Summer Play In October.   “Batter Up”….

♦ ♦ ♦

Great Moments In Radio….. Each week, I compose a script outline for our Saturday’s Good Sports show.   This week I had a segment called “Step Back Off The Ledge – Don’t Jump”.  It’s where Art and I attempt to console perpetually disconsolate Old Wellers that they hopefully have something worth living for NOT linked inexorably to the fickle fortunes of the Fighting Fedorians.  I emailed copies out to our Special Ops Team of dedicated radio professionals at WCHL.

I get a quick reply from WCHL’s Legendary Ron Stutts: “Yo BobLee, you sure you wanna do that “don’t jump” bit?”

Totally unbeknownest to moi…. CHPD had just spent eight hours successfully talking some kid “off the edge of the roof” of The Hampton Inn.  YIKES!  He did not jump.

THERE’S MORE…. we were set-up to do the show on-location from The Hickory Tavern.  The Hickory Tavern is, you guessed it, next door to The Hampton Inn.  BOING!

As is, Artie and I perform very close to-the-edge of the FCC’s pull-the-plug line as well as Chapel Hill’s Infamous Political Correctness Uber Alles statutes.  I took Stutt’s sage advice. ….. I arrive on-site Saturday AM and “Super Sales Guy Kenny” says “Dude, that bit about “step off the ledge” is a hoot.   “Kenny, we’re not gonna do it.” I said…… “Phooey” said Kenny.

Just another day in small market community radio.

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