This Man Needs UNC’s Spin Guy NOW!

April28/ 2014

The only way this Donald Sterling MEGA-Brouhaha gets any wackier is if Sterling tells one of his toadies (you KNOW he has toadies and they all have names courtesy of Raymond Chandler) – “Get me that UNC Vice Chancellor of Spin.  Have Chili Palmer take the jet.  I don’t care what it costs.  DO IT!”

Can we work Reverend Barber into this along with “Call me Dickie”?  This definitely needs those two in it somehow.  Maybe Tami Hansbrough too?  What does Ol’ Roy think about all this? Could “V.” Stiviano (V dot ?) Donald’s black/Mexican gal pal be linked to Russell’s divorce? ….. WHOA!

Lets get this out of the way.   If Obama wants to send his toadie Eric Holder out to “El Ay” to lynch Donald Sterling after skinning him alive and then cut off his Slauson and leave it in the fork in the road, I’m fine with that.  Really.   The thought of America without Donald Sterling is fine with me.

America without “due process” is a bit scary but this mess jumped that silly shark quite a ways back.

If they don’t cut off his Slauson, at least leave Sterling’s disemboweled blotted bigoted carcass hanging from one of the “L’s” in the HOLLYWOOD ArtFernsign.  Or one of the “O’s”.  Either one is fine.

NOTE:  Albert, I know you don’t get the “cut off his Slauson” line but Little Ricky, Big Bobby and at least nine others do, and that’s all I need.  Art Fern LIVES!  I could see “V.” as “the Matinee Lady.   Can’t you?

There ARE humans walking this Earth today that still have not heard “what Donald Sterling (supposedly) said” to V. (her name actually has a “.” after the V.  Does she go by “V Period”?)  I can’t imagine who they are or what cave they have been hiding in since Friday, but I know they are out there.

I’ve never met any movers & shakers in the porn biz in the San Fernando Valley.  The Valley is the epicenter of America’s porn biz.  I’ve never even been to the Valley; but if you asked me what a porn mogul looks like….. its “just like Donald Sterling”.  Alls Donald is missing is some neck bling and a way bigger wristwatch.   Otherwise he has the whole “porn mogul” look down pat.

Donald Sterling is not “a porn mogul”, that we know of.  He is 80 years old.  Donald has owned “The Clippers” of The NBA since 1981.   For 30 of those 34 years Donald’s Clippers were the punch-line for totally inept pro sports teams.   They were awful.   Prior to buying The Clippers, Donald Sterling was a divorce / trial lawyer….. and a big-time slum lord.   Oh for heaven’s sake.  I’m making this up, right.   Nope.  Google Donald Sterling, if you dare.

Quentin Tarantino could not have created a more quintessential “LA slimeball” than Donald Sterling.  Even with Elmore Leonard helping him.

Several years ago Donald received an award from the LA NAACP for being so generous to the LA Black community.   Donald was slated to receive ANOTHER award from the LA NAACP next month – a Lifetime Achievement Award no less.   Despite the programs already being printed and everything for that shindig, “they” (the LA NAACP) have now decided not to give Donald another award. …… but would still like the really big check they expected Donald to give them in exchange for the award.

A tape was leaked to TMZ that supposedly has Donald ranting to V. about his very low regard for black people in general.  Yes, 12 of his 14 Clippers are black as well as his Head Coach.  For 20+ years his GM was black.  Actually Elgin Baylor is still black, but he isn’t the Clippers’ GM any longer.   Donald fired Elgin then Elgin sued Donald for age and racial discrimination.

Donald has also been sued on assorted discrimination charges relative to his slum lord bizness….. and the LA NAACP was all set to give him a Lifetime Achievement Award until last Friday.  Really begs the question, who came in second in the original voting for that award?

We are learning that Donald Sterling’s overt bigotry has been well-known for YEARS.   But Chris Paul signs a long-term deal to play for him despite lucrative offers from many other teams.  And Doc Rivers signs with Donald to be his black Head Coach despite also being an “in-demand” NBAer.  Everybody BUT Chris Paul and Doc Rivers and the LA NAACP knew about Donald…. huh?  You guys ever heard of due diligence?

The comments on “the tape” would make Archie Bunker blush.   This was XXX-rated bigotry.  Donald was supposedly admonishing half-black girlfriend V. not to hang-out with or bring-around “black people” to his games.  And don’t take “selfies” of herself with “them”. …. in Sterling Tape 2, we hear Donald (supposedly) comparing “black people” to animals.  Sterling Tapes 3 & 4 should be doozies!

We learn that Donald’s wife – Rochelle” (“Schelle”) is NOT a racist bigot, because Schelle says she’s not.  Rochelle, Donald’s wife for 30+ years, is also straight out of Quentin Tarantino’s imagination.   The relationship between “Schelle” and V. is not clear yet.   Is it as harmonious as Lindsey Vonn’s with Elin?  Donald and Rochelle are not estranged or in divorce proceedings.  They simply “have an understanding as regards “V.”.  Hey folks…. welcome to El Ay.

Have we mentioned that V. is a defendant in a civil suit brought by Rochelle accusing V. of embezzling $1.8 M from The Sterlings?  V.’s attorney is Mac E. Nehoray of The Nehoray Legal Group. ???  We haven’t seen “Mac E.” yet.  Wanna bet he is straight out of central casting too.

MEANWHILE….. every black basketball player in America, plus every half-black President, is having a conniption fit over “what Donald (supposedly) said” in that tape to V.   Yes…. The Justice Brothers – Jesse & Al – are all over this.   DUH, bet that shocks you, huh.   Al is scheduled to speak at the LA NAACP dinner next month that will (not) be honoring Donald with a Lifetime Achievement Award. (But send that check anyway, Donald. OK?)

Suddenly The NBA is afraid that Donald Sterling is “bad for its image” ???  HOLY Red Auerbach Batman!  The pro sports league that leads all pro sports leagues in per capita “dead-beat baby-daddies” and “assaults on girlfriends” and ….. and ….. .  “Bad” for that image?  Idi Amin and Jabba The Hutt could not dent that image.

Even “MJ” has taken a stand on this one.  Realizing that “even bigoted old stinkin’ rich LA sports-moguls” wear tennis shoes too.  That may be a small enough market niche not to affect Air Jordan sales.

Even the Knicks’ James Dolan is worried about “negative branding”.  Dolan is the quintessetial New York thug.  Marg Schott wouldn’t be seen with Dolan.

My original suggestion that such a quintessential FUBAR-LA-style deserves some UNC-style crisis management was me being silly.   No, I don’t think V. is in any way involved in Russell’s divorce, but just mentioning it will get this column a few 100 extra views from BrickyardLand.  I don’t think Rochelle / “Schelle” is involved either.

Oh…. Oh…. Oh….. have I mentioned that Donald Sterling has only contributed to Democratic political candidates and does NOT have EIB programmed into his radio dial.  Both of those facts REALLY upset the mainstream media A LOT.

This glorious mess has been en fuego since Friday.   It has so many low information voter elements crawling all over it that I’m giving it a full 10-day run “above the fold”.   We haven’t heard from a Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, the LGQBTers…. or the atheist gang…. or the ACLU….. or PETA….. or AlGore’s bunch.  Does AlGore still have “a bunch”?

It’s not an Official National Brouhaha until the LGQBT and the atheist gang have weighed in….. plus there’s Harry Reid and Sheila Jackson Lee.   …. and Reverend Barber, in full costume, leading a mini-mob down Mulholland Drive and pounding a portable pulpit outside The Staples Center.

Last Friday morning I was wondering what to write about…..

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