It’s 2014: Fans just cheer for Laundry!

March11/ 2014

I was going to write this one after the first UNC v Duke game several weeks ago but I didn’t.   I wanted to test my incredibly insightful theory.   I am now ready to roll it out.

Supporting your favorite college sports team (at least in Football and Basketball) has become simply Loving and/or Hating “Laundry”.

I said back in November that I knew (and cared) next to naught about this college basketball season.   I still can’t name the five starters for Roys Boyz or K’s Kurrent Krop of One & Dones.   I’m sure Clemson, GaTech, VaTech and Boston College all have Head Coaches but if they have names and/or faces you can’t prove it by me.

Does GaTech still have a basketball program?  Are you sure they didn’t fold it when Cremins left?

Maryland is gone to be “The UCLA of The Big Ten” ???   I miss Lefty.

Speaking of Lefty.  Most of you don’t know how close Charlie Scott came to going to Davidson….. REALLY REALLY Close!  11th hour and 59 minutes close.   If Charlie Scott had gone to Davidson, what would that have done for Dean’s legacy?   Charles “Lefty” Driesell woulda been the Rosa Parks of area BkB coaches….. YIKES!

I know Wake Forest still has a program but their coach has no vowels.   “Their coach” likely won’t have vowels or a job by next week.   So much for the theory – just beat Duke, State and Carolina and you’ll be fine.   That part about “and beat Stetson and West Forsyth High School” was the deal breaker.

Roy certainly did do a fine job in a Post-PJ World.   Should ORW be COY?  No, of course not, unless your world is Orange County-centric.  Insert some lame joke about UVa’s Tony Bennett’s name here.  He left his heart in Hoo-ville.

Coach Gott – Messiah De Jour @ The PNC – had another season of “almosts”….. “shouldas” and “couldas”.   Beat ‘Cuse and Carolina and Gott gets his own sandwich at Amedeo’s….. but he didn’t beat ‘Cuse or Carolina or Duke.

Oh well:  (1) blame Swofford….. (2) mutter half-a-dozen “UNCheats” and (3) hope Carlos Rodon can get’em back to Omaha.   Hope springs eternal on The Brickyard.

Is it true that PackPride has Deborah Crowder in a Witness Protection Program until she can testify and the long-dreamed “Implosion of the Dean Dome” can finally take place?   I’m betting Debbie is in the sub-basement of Reynolds, next to the dungeon where they keep their mega-crazy board monkeys.  You know…. the ones that think Claude Sitton (and Dean) gave Jimmy V cancer.

Ya think that $100,000 that Burgess Swain left Debbie in her will will ever percolate to a headline?   That WHAT?  To quote Barbara Rosser-Hyde….. “Coach, will that hurt recruiting?”

Hey BobLee….. what about Loving / Hating Laundry?   Oh yeah.

After that first UNC v Duke game (the one where UNC students acted like they had never won a big game… that one!) it occurred to me that:

The two teams coulda switched uniforms at half and 96%+ of the on-site and TV spectators would not have known the difference.    We don’t have “teams” any more.  We have “temps” (aka “mercs”) wearing the respective uniform colors of the institutions.

At Kentucky, Calipari doesn’t bother to sew on names any more.  He just writes “this year’s guys” names on strips of tape and sticks’em on….. like walk-ons in Football in August.

Have you noticed that The Calipari Way ain’t worked so well the past TWO years?   But, never fear….. “your school’s” board monkeys will continue to live and die on recruiting.

Carolina vs Duke is now just Roy versus K with five whozits in D-blue and five other whozits in C-Blue.   The players don’t stick around long enough to develop any personal history in the rivalry….. to be hated and defiled each year by “their fans”.

All that’s left is colored laundry to get fans all stirred up.

WhatsHisName Rivers made a buzzer-beater several years ago….. and whatzhisname again?   Two years from now WhatsHisName Parker scored 30 last Saturday.  Who?  Marvin Williams makes one basket in his career…. then “poof” he’s gone.

No more “Phil Ford’s Senior Night versus Duke” …… No More “Tyler Hansbrough Goes 4-0 in Cameron”….. No more JJ or Christian or Art Heyman coming back each year to be cussed and defamed by Franklin Street Faithful.   It’s 2014….. everyone just loves or hates “laundry”.

“Senior Night” at the season-ender Duke v Carolina game is now “ten little skinny white kids getting to play for two minutes” and hopefully not hurting themselves before the first TO and Roy and K can get’em out.  Sure, all ten of’em CAN read…. but none of’em can dunk.

Will there EVER be another Duke v Carolina Senior Night when a regular starter starts?

The ACC Tournament @ Greensboro.…. a parking lot fulla Tobacco Road “old grads” scowling at Pitt, Notre Dame and Syracuse fans and muttering “you don’t belong here”.  And that one mini-van of Boston College fans.

The ACC Tournament hasn’t been the same since Clemson ran out of Mahaffeys.  Where will it be in 2018?  Salt Lake City ???

Sail with The Pilot ya’ll.   …… sigh…. sob….. sniff.

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