Re: Sideline Floozies, Player Unions and…..

January30/ 2014

  Can anyone refute that “following sports” is how America hides from its own reflection in the mirror.   When you see a headline – Is Erin Andrews’ Hotness A Curse?, you just know civilization has pulled itself back from the edge of The Abyss.  A cure for the common cold is moments away. …. HUZZA!

Meanwhile a bunch of Northwestern footballers are organizing a college players union.   Whatever happened to goldfish-eating and toga parties?  See what can happen when you recruit kids that CAN read?  No good can come from this. ……

Howzabout a Sideline Floozy Union to force “eeevil network executives” to hire whiney little cross-eyed gals with splotchy complexions and severe overbites?

There is surely an obscure porn site that specializes in “cross-eyed gals with overbites”, so there must be a market demographic for ‘em.   Try’em out in The Winter Olympics covering anything Lolo Jones is NOT in.   If Lolo ain’t in it, no one will watch anyways.

Too bad about Tiger’s skier gal.  That woulda been a second reason to watch. …….
“Hey Fred, lets watch that skanky skier chick that Ol’ Tiger is shacking up with these days.”…… “Sure thing, Earl.  Lemmee just pop some more pizza rolls in the microwave and I’ll be right there.”.….. Look Out World.  Here comes Synchronized Pairs Luge!

Real Housewives of Fuquay will outdraw The Winter Olympics.  What ever happened to Katarina Whitt?  That gal had a caboose on her that J-Lo woulda killed for.  I digress.

Have Erin’s looks played a part in her meteoric career ??  That classic pic of her striding down a basketball sideline in tight jeans and an even tighter sweater adorned more dorm ceilings than Farrah Fawcett in the 70s.

What marketing guru came up with that perv with the keyhole camera doing Erin’s nudie pics….. Pure Freakin’ Genius.   We all sympathized with poor exploited Erin while leering at her nudie pics.

Nudie keyhole pics of Brent Musberger….. while Brent is leering at his personal collection of Katherine Webb Hardee’s commercials?

The feminazis get all huffy about “treating sideline bimbos as serious journalists”.   It’s 2014.  The term “serious journalists” is hilarious enough regardless of gender.   When every shaved head no-neck that ever had a cuppa coffee in the NFL gets an analyst’s gig on The Worldwide Leader….. “journalism” has left the room.  Somewhere Edward R. Murrow pokes himself in the eye with a fountain pen.

24/7 sports channels are the worst invention since Diet-Rite soda.  Actually Tab was worse than Diet-Rite.  The McRib is better than super-saturation sports coverage.  Any more than 15 minutes of pre or post-game analysis is too much.

Stop the debate.   Sideline reporter-ettes are just cheerleaders holding a mic instead of pom poms….. they are there for exactly the same reason.  Hubba hubba!

Allowing that beauty is in the eyes of the couch potato….. show me one sideline reporter-ette that has a hare-lip, a uni-brow, and/or does not have her own make-up posse just off-camera.

I’m certainly not against eye-candy AT ALL.   Since Troy, Emmett and Irvin retired, why would anyone watch Cowboy games if not for their cheerleaders?  Think about it.

I’ve always had “a thing” for Suzy Kolber’s hair.  OK, enough.  Time to talk about player unions.


As noted up above…..  when you recruit players who may have actually held reading matter without a center-fold; no good will come from it.   No sirreee.

Players should spend their college days running, lifting, jumping, beating up girlfriends and geeks, and falling asleep in class while wearing “beats” and listening to Lil’ Wayne.   Give them the gift of thinking for themselves and first thing ya know they wanna major in something worthwhile and miss some of that running, jumping and lifting, etc.

Do we want Royz Boyz “in a real class” or practicing free throw shooting?   I rest my case.

The Good Lord never intended for big time college FB & Bkballers to sit around and “do the math” other than “whats a kilo” and how much is “a gram”.  If He had He never woulda created The SEC.

I’ve never been in favor of “paying college athletes”.  There is no such thing as “paying them enuff”.

Think about any “raise” you ever received in whatever occupational sweatshops you’ve toiled in.    You thanked your nitwit “boss” for giving you a few more sheckles…. and for a month or two you had fun with the extra money.   You quickly absorbed “the raise” and went back to stealing paperclips and taking extra long lunches.  So will these jocks.

So pay college jocks whatever…… $1,000/month….. hell, pay’em $2,500/mo.   Plenty enough to get a bus ticket home for Grandma’s funeral or a winter coat from Big Lots.  Whatever School A pays per NCAA rules….  the Good Ol’ Boys in The SEC, etc. (or a sleazeball agent) will supplement with “a little something extra”.

You really think Marvin & Greg would not have gone to South Beach if UNC was paying them $1,000/mo.   Even a 3rd grade reader knows better than that.  All “paying college jocks” does is raise the ante for BCS poker a bit.

Pay out the $$$$ “instead of wasting everyone’s time pretending to go to class” and maybe we are getting somewhere.   Set a universal standard for the cost of a semester “going to college”.   Factor in the Dukes and the South Floridas and reach a number that applies across-the-board.

Hand each FBer or BkBaller an envelope with that amount in it in unmarked “Benjamins”.   He can use it “for his college education” or “a new set of rims for his ride”.   Who cares?   Get rid of those silly “academic support staffs” and Dickie Baddour Study Halls blah blah.

So smarty farty Northwestern guys form your silly little union.   Rent a union hall and hire a bunch of kneecappers to persuade recalcitrant players to fork over their monthly dues…. and ALWAYS vote for Democrats.

Get some fancy schmanzy lawyer with slicked-backed hair and pointy-toed shoes to be your Executive Director.  Make sure he has a middle initial.  It will hide the fact that his law degree is from an on-line diploma mill in Teaneck.

Always threaten to go on strike in mid-October for Football and in late February with Basketball.  Get the freakin’ Teamsters and the AFL-CIO goons to teach you their tricks for burying guys in the desert.

Ain’t America Grand!

Hey, Earl, dem pizza rolls ready yet?

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