Cheering For “Them” ????

November19/ 2013

Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe I’m simply a much better human being than the average slack-jawed, goggle-eyed, spittle-spewing  shlub that follows sports.  I prefer to think I’m not alone in being able to cheer unabashedly for “them” when “them” are supposedly hated rivals.   Whatever.  I was cheering for Kindly David Cutcliffe and his Wally Warriors last Saturday.   Were you? ……

If the gridiron juggernaut that Kindly David Cutcliffe has assembled over at The Wally continues to wreck havoc across the college football landscape, at which point does it stop being “David” and, if not become “Goliath”, at least become a Ga Tech or an Arizona or a Boston College or a ……… ?  Will the ascension to routinely “average” ruin the sporting public’s current fascination with Duke Football?

If your team is not really good or not really bad then you’re stuck in Middle Earth Purgatory.  Annually playing Central Troy Tech in the Beef O’Brady Bowl in Ypsilanti while griping that Gameday never comes to “our beautiful campus” with “our incredibly wonderful fans”.  It’s being in The MAC and playing your games on Tuesday night on TeleMundo versus Drexel. …. or losing to Belmont but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

There is a certain cuddly sympathy that comes with being known for being woeful.  Cute & cuddly works for puppies, kittens and, that talking baby in the e-trade commercials.    Someday we all outgrow cute & cuddly and become “didn’t you used to be Gary Coleman, Mary Kate & Ashley or even – YIKES – Miley Cyrus !!!”

But, for now, everyone loves Duke Football.   OK, not everybody.   As heart-warmingly wonderful as “Duke Football becomes pretty darn good – Season Two” draws a crescendo of national adulation, I am certain that within a 30-mile radius of Buck’s Duke’s statue there are beady-eyed humanoids sneering and snarling and obscenifying (?) their hatred for Kindly Coach Cut’s gallant little band of “darn good kids” who call The Wally home.   Do not include me among those beady-eyed obscentifiers.  I like’em.

USAToday now projecting Duke to go to Chick-fil-A Bowl to play LSU…… OH MY!   LSU’s entire team SAT score totals doesn’t equal Duke’s deep snapper’s.   More fans get arrested for public drunkedness at one LSU game than Duke has season ticketholders.

Supposedly  the ubiquitous Everybody hates Duke Basketball because…… (1) they have won too much, or (2) Coach K is even eeeeviler than eeeevil Art Pope, or (3) Laettner, Hurley and Redick were also eeeevil…. or (4) sports fan-ity simply needs a Universal Evil to unite nomadic tribes of otherwise opposing petty partisans.

Say, for instance, an NC State fan is wearing a red ballcap with a white block “S” while sitting in an airport boarding area in Minneapolis.   A fellow sitting two seats over profers:

“Say there my friend, I couldn’t help noticing you are a Stanford fan and I was wondering……..”

…… “Uh, no; I’m an NC State fan” the red-hatted guy replies as he does that little wuffie finger thingy.    “You know….. Frau Yow, The Buckey Twins, “Our State”,  Amedeo’s………”  

So now the first guy is flumoxed and embarrassed by his mis-assumption over the red & white ballcap.   He doesn’t have any snappy rejoiner about NC State so he goes with:

“…… uh OK; but boy I sure do hate Duke Basketball, don’t you?

And the State fan is relieved he doesn’t have to do the Russell Wilson vs Andrew Luck comparison or explain the finger thingy so he simply goes with “yes, I sure do hate Duke Basketball too.”   And VOILA a potentially awkward encounter is deftly avoided over a mutually shared hatred of Duke Basketball.

If that encounter in the Minneapolis airport happened this week would the shared opinion be:

“Ain’t it great about Kindly David Cutcliffe and his incredible turn-around with Duke Football?”

As I was cheering for Kindly Dave’s gritty gridders versus Shalala’s thug-aletes from the detention hall of Killian Minimum Security Reformatory, I was wondering how one institution could embody such extremes of public sentiment.   The last time Duke Football was semi-relevant it had the quite eeeevil Steve Spurrier to deftly deflect any general public warm fuzzies.

NOTE:  Am I the only one who thinks David Cutcliffe looks like he oughta be running a drug store in Bedford Falls…. selling George Bailey a cherry coke and recommending “something for that rash”.

Krzyzewski, Spurrier and then there was Duke Lacrosse’s “rich white boys defiling that honor student and single mother of two….” (according to The N&O at least!).

Now Coach K brings America Olympic Gold…… Crystal “Ho #1” Mangum is on trial for stabbing her latest baby daddy with a butcher knife….. and Duke Football led by Kindly Dave Cutcliffe has replaced The Cowboys as America’s Team.

Whats next?   Learning we really “can’t keep our old insurance plan and our doctor and…..” ?   AgentPierce made me say that.


As the Fighting Fedorians escaped Heinz Field I emailed BubbaTheRealAD that he could get instant approval to hang Ryan Switzer’s #3 from “the rafters” of Kenan Stadium if Kenan Stadium had rafters.

Begging the question….. do THREE Switzer punt returns in two weeks equal one Gio Punt Return?   Do we HAVE TO compare Ryan Switzer to Wes Welker simply because both are “shifty little white guys”?

Alas, before Ryan In The Rafters could be considered….. some Boy Scout troop (full of more Wes Welkers) from some community college outside Nashville invaded Dean’s Dome.   While Ol Roy was reminding us AGAIN what a fine young gentleman PJ is, his players actually in uniform were laying enough free throw bricks to turn Franklin Street into a pedestrian mall.   Dreams of an undefeated season for Roy’s Boyz were dashed asunder.

I swear, if it was up to Roy I do believe he would give PJ a Presidential Medal of Freedom along with Dean.  Has there EVER been a finer young man in Fats Thomas’ rolodex than PJ?  I mean REALLY!…. bleech!

Lunatics In The Lower Level were grumbling A LOT as they departed the sacred citadel.  Any comparison of Matt Doherty losing to Binghampton is NOT a good sign.

Speaking of Dean’s Dome…. remember three weeks ago when I told you about plans for renovating / replacing it?  WRAL and N&O finally reported that yesterday.   Old news.


Will the Aaaarrgghh Army outnumber Frau’s “Our Staters” this Saturday at The Carter?   Will the new mid-field logo be:  a giant picture of Carlos Rodon “bringing the heat” ??

Will there be a clamor for a playoff between Kindly Dave’s gritty Wally Warriors and Ruff’s Purple Pirates for Mack Brown’s Mythical State Championship?

If Mizzou wins out and Auburn beats Nick next week and Urban loses to Sparty and to Michigan and Baylor wins out and somehow The Fighting Muschamps and Kindly Dave both beat Jimbo….. will Mizzou play Baylor for the crystal football in Pasadena while network TV executives commit hari-kari?

That final play in Panthers vs Patriots ???  I swear Luke Kuechly used the same tire iron on Gronk that Dudley Bradley used on Clyde Austin… and Luke got away with it too just like Dudley did.  Hey, speaking of “Patriots”….. isn’t THAT team name offensive to 86% of liberals?  “Patriots” were the original Tea Party !!!!   Again…. AgentPierce insisted I write that too.


BIG FREAKIN’ NEWS:  After 26 years, we dropped Time Warner Cable in favor of AT&T U-verse…. AND, after 12 years, I sold my F-150 in favor of a previously-owned E-class Benz.  Both radical life changes going OK so far.

Did I mention that our special guest this coming Saturday on Good Sports will be ……. (drum roll please) ….. the Pride of North Wilkesboro hisownself – The Eeevil Diabolical Commish:

…… Little Johnny Swofford.
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