Tempus has Fugited….. the sun has risen and set three times….. across “The Triangle” people have died and new people have been born….. Mike Glennon’s woeful Bucs darn near beat Russell’s Seahawks….. PR’s Super dreams seem scuttled yet again….. a dozen or so people have signed up for Obamacare, maybe….. two NFL coaches have “gone down”…… The NFL has a bullying Dolphin…. The Red Sox shaved their beards!!….. all that, and more, happened since 3:30 last Saturday. What seismic tremors might the passing of a week or a whole month bring?
Gather round buddies and babes and random semi-rational adults and even any goggle-eyed spittle-spewing lunatics who can digest poly-syllabic words as we look back at “what da heck happened at 3:30 last Saturday as the Carter-Finley Scoreboard read UNC-27 – State-19 …. 00:00” and a dastardly act of post-game exuberance forever altered our little universe….. or not.
….. Did a group of dreadlocked Fedorian gridders “blow up Wolf Mountain” outside Carter-Finley stadium. No…. they didn’t do that.
….. Did a group of dreadlocked Fedorians dognap Tuffy the NC State Tamaskan mascot….. shave off Tuffy’s fur and paint him C-blue. No…. they didn’t do that.
….. Did a group of dreadlocked Fedorians surround Mr & Mrs Wolf, force them to sing Hark The Sound and sign an affadavit declaring “Marvin Austin is my daddy”. No…. they didn’t do that.
…… Did a group of dreadlocked Fedorians climb the NC State bell tower and hang a banner containing that fateful word – “Amphibious”. No….. they didn’t do that.
…… Did a group of dreadlocked Fedorians rush over to Oakwood Cemetery and desecrate the grave of Jim Valvano. No….. they DEFINITELY didn’t do THAT.
(insert three or four more acts of unspeakable “disrespectful” heinousness that they didn’t do.)
….. a group of dreadlocked Fedorians DID gather in the middle of the Carter-Finley field and jumped up and down. They did THAT.
Whoa BobLee….. you mean the same middle of the same field in the same stadium where dreadlocked Fedorians AND cornrowed Doerenians had been running all over and jumping on and falling down on for the previous three hours. Yes, that’s the one….. across Trinity Road from the Hunt Horse Complex.
Did they rip up the sod like Bowden’s Seminoles used to do? No.
Did they spread salt on it like the Romans did when they conquered Carthage? No.
They just jumped up and down for a minute or so then got on a bus and went back to Chapel Hill.
Wait a minute….. didn’t something almost identical take place 10-12 years ago involving these same two groups of intercollegiate student-athletes.
Well …… Not these SAME student-athletes of course; but, yes, student-athletes representing the same UNC System institutions. Then cornrowed Amatoites “jumped up and down” in the middle of Kenan’s pine-surrounded greensward. The following year dreadlocked Buntinos returned the heinous act of ultimate disrespect.
These particularly exuberant Fedorians and disrespected Doerenians were in the 3rd grade back then. Well 3rd, 4th something like that.
The titular leader of the Fedorians – Larry – was then Off Coor at Middle Tennessee. The titular leader of the Doerenians – Dave – was then secondary coach of the Montana Grizzlies. Little did either man know then how Fate would cross their paths.
Well maybe so….. but this heinous disrespectful exuberance WAS pre-planned and carefully orchestrated by that eeeevil Fedora fellow….. correct? Nope….. he wasn’t even aware of any post-game heinous disrespectful jumping up and down until hours later. Oh.
So you’re saying 5-6 dreadlocked Fedorians took it upon themselves to “jump up and down in the middle of the field” all on their own. There was no damage to property or to any individuals whatsoever. That’s right.
Since both the dreadlocked Fedorians and the cornrowed Doerenians had been jumping up and down on the very same hallowed logoed turf for the previous three hours….. AND we went thru all this exact foolishness 10-12 years ago……. why is such a BFD being made about all this?
Is ACC Malevolent Dictator Little Johnny Swofford composing a harsh wrist-slap letter to Coach Fedora? Not that anyone knows of…… Is the NCAA sending goons to get to the bottom of this? Negatory…… Is the N&O’s Dan Kane demanding Coach Fedora take a polygraph that he did not mastermind this? Don’t think so…… Is Governor Jim Martin gonna do another whizbang report? As much fun as those are, probably not…… But the NC Secretary of State is launching an investigation, right. No…… Will WRAL assign info-boy Cullen Browder to spend three months staking out Coach Fedora’s house noting every vehicle that parks in his driveway for an EXPOSE? Doubtful.
So this way-over-the-top silly commentary will be the end of it? OH NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!
…… to even consider that ridiculously absurd notion is to admit a total lack of appreciation for the bone-deep, teeth-clenching, mind-numbing moronical reality of a sports rivalry in the Era of The Internet.
NO silly incident or oft-hand misspeak ever dies in a rivalry…. they are passed down thru generations. Such incidents take on a zombie-like status and wander aimlessly across the 28-mile landscape ‘tween the two institutions FOR ETERNITY….. plus a day. Zombies carrying little signs saying ….. “Dudley Bradley’s steal”….. “TA’s knee”…… “Amphibious”….. “JennyTheTutor”…… “Marvin’s tweet”….. “Gio’s punt return”….. “475”…. “Uncle Julius”…. “one pair of sneakers”…. “PJ”….. “Eric Leak’s Porsche”….. and now a dreadlocked zombie carrying one saying “Logo Stomp II”.
Oh.
Epilogue: So have we decided Whose State it is? Apparently not. According to The N&O and Jim Goodmon; Rev. Billy Barber and three VW mini-vans fulla constipated old hippies from Carrboro are claiming it’s Their State. Oh for Heaven’s sakes.
