The Face That Launched 1,000 ships….

October03/ 2013

“The Face that launched 1,000 ships….. and burned the topless towers of Ilium” …… That line was used by Christopher Marlowe in Faustus in reference to Helen Of Troy.   Helen’s mythical beauty was so powerful that Greece went to war with Troy (Ilium) to bring her 1k1Ubj.So.138back home.   ……  This face belongs to the mysterious, not mythical, Jennifer The Tutor aka Jennifer Wiley (Thompson).

It’s been 3+ years since Young Maaavin (Austin) hit SEND and, we might could say, “….burned the ivory towers of Yea Olde Flagship”.

If Young Maavin’s infamous Tweet (“the tweet heard ‘round the NCAA”) did not literally burn down those ivory towers it certainly set fire to a peet bog (or pile of tires or other metaphorically impossible to extinguish material) that has burned continually going on 3+ years with no sign of extinguishing any time soon.

A show of hands from anyone who received a personal e-mail from the Editor of The Daily Tar Heel at 2:05 PM – “BobLee, we found Jennifer!”  Me… Me …. Me!   🙂  Just another perk for an Internet Legend.

“JenniferTheTutor” was indicted today by an Orange County Grand Jury for her part in laundering money from an Atlanta-based sports agent to Greg Little (and likely others “to be named very soon”).  Here’s the news story (LINK) on this latest ooey gooey chapter of this yucky mess…… or “manna from heaven” as it is referred to by rival fan bases.

“What Jennifer looks like?” had become an integral part of the legend and lore of this Great Unpleasantness because no verified image of her had ever been documented…. until now.   If you had googled Jennifer Wiley even yesterday you would have seen all sorts of images posted by imaginative board monkey types….. many of “porn actress” types.   99% were unflattering.

Had there been a picture of Jennifer early on, the mystery would have been no mystery at all, but that’s not how it went down.  Heck, ain’t nuthin’ about this trainwreck “gone down” like it oughta.  From Tweet One this has been Monty Python Meets The Keystone Kops at The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party in The Twilight Zone….

“I figured Roy was too busy……”
“Everybody does it….”
“John Blake?  Who’s John Blake?”
“This Is Carolina.  We don’t do THAT at Carolina.”

Coach Davis, is this hurting recruiting?”
Just some nice girl who helped my son with his homework.”
Dr Nyang’oro is one of our most distinguished senior faculty members.” …. KLUNK!
We WILL get to the bottom of this….” ….. hopefully all these parking tickets ARE the bottom of this?”
“Holden, this will all blow over.  Trust us. Keep stalling….”

Now that you’ve seen Jennifer “The Tutor” Wiley what do you think?   Is she your image of Bonnie Parker or Ma Barker or Squeaky Fromme or Leslie Van Houten or Patti Hearst?  Howsabout legendary “Carolina Girls” – Zackie Murphy or Lailee McNair?  Howsabout them “purty little gals in cowgirl boots” that invaded Kenan last Saturday?  Definitely NOT a PDEW!

She is someone’s daughter (a Mr & Mrs Wiley I assume….. reportedly a minister in Charlotte).   Was she just a gullible girl who thought whatever she thought?   Did she think she was helping some disadvantaged young athletes make ends meet while matriculating?

If you are among that hardy little band of true(?) believing C-Blue Kool-Aid guzzlers -“Dickie’s Disciples” – who still believe this is All A Hoax perpetrated by The N&O and PackPride (and no doubt the eeevil Art Pope and McCrory Administration too) then perhaps Jennifer is Joan Of Arc to you.   If you will send us your name & address and net worth, we will send you lovely brochures of ocean-front property in Topeka KS.

“Seersucker Joe” Cheshire – Chapel Hill Defense Attorney Extraordinaire – has described Jennifer as a paragon of virtue and innocence.  Of course “Seersucker Joe” described Stephen LaRoque pretty much the same way…. OUCH!    That’s Stephen of faux Faberge Eggs and his own Zamboni infamy.  For a $15,000 retainer maybe Joe would write a country song about you or carve you your very own bobblehead doll.

Joe has NOT described how he is being compensated for defending JenniferTheTutor…. nor does he ever have to; but.  One of Joe’s many nicknames is “No Pro Bono Joe”.  So somebody is paying a minimum of $500/hour for Joe to say glowing things about Jennifer.

I kinda doubt Young Maavin or Greg Little is covering Joe’s time.   Whattayouthink?  Fats Thomas?…. BOTBob?…. Prince Tassel Loafer?…. ????

I continue to encounter UNC loyalists who “blame the N&O” for all of this.   I had lunch with one today.  I’m certainly no defender of that nest of beady-eyed slobbering journo-lizards; but I ask these UNC extreme loyalists one question…..

If this were all happening at either NC State or Duke, would you perceive the extensive on-going media coverage in the same way?

I have yet to find one that will say “Yes, I would” without giggling.

All of Life is column fodder and show prep.   Some days are more bountiful than others….. but even the slow days are good days.  And, so much of Life’s column fodder and show prep comes down to “whose ox is being gored?”  Indeed.

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