Don’t Believe I’da Said That Dave…

September03/ 2013

I dallied writing a Week One column because how many “about Johnny You-Know-Who” columns does the world really need?   America’s Punk successfully hijacked Week One of Color & Pageantry 2013.   I simply didn’t feel like joining the chorus on that. …… NC State’s Coach Dave sensed my plight and has come to my aid.

The late Southern sage, Lewis Grizzard, had a classic story that ends with the punch line…… “Don’t believe I’da said that one.”   At least Coach Dave wasn’t bragging about having sex with a billy goat.

Setting the stage….. I was invited to this past Saturday’s NC State v Skip Holtz’ team from Wherever Louisiana game.   My invite came from “a Wolfpack immortal” with seats “on the fifty” ….. on the East Side of The Carter.  I politely declined his generous invitation.

I have reached the point in my life journey where roasting in a blazing sun in a stadium bleachers is not among my preferred activities.  It was not the company I was declining at all.   It was the anticipated physical experience.  I was very clear to the inviting “immortal” why I politely declined.

I no longer do a lot of stuff that I am suppose to want to do simply because “everyone says I should”.   In truth, I’ve always been a bit of a rebel in that regard.   I’ve never smoked marijuana…. or gotten knee-walking drunk…. or attended an AC/DC or Pearl Jam concert….. or owned a pool table or a boat…. or had sex with _____ ……  OK, you get the picture.   Pretending to enjoy roasting my butt in a stadium bleacher (any stadium!) was an easy one to “don’t do dat any more”.

IF said “Wolfpack immortal” had a comfy air-conditioned suite in Vaughn Towers I probably woulda accepted.

I will attend this coming Saturday’s Fedorians versus Middle SomeWhere game in Kenan.  I will “get in free” and spend 12:00 noon until around 3:00 PM in an air-conditioned suite with all-I-can-eat hotdogs and lemonade.  Being “an Internet Legend” is not without its perks.

I have been called many things.  Being labeled “not a real fan” by some goggle-eyed flaming nitwit is an easy one to dismiss.

Most of the 50,000 or so attending (non Blue Zoners) Kenanites will have no choice but to “roast their butts in uncomfortable bleachers” under a blazing late summer sun.   I suspect they will react pretty much like 25,000 or so Wuff loyalists did Saturday.

They will ask themselves “….. and WHY am I spending $50-75 to endure this torture”.   They will (1) complain about $4 water in the concession stands and (2) leave early.

Hopefully Larry Fedora will NOT berate them for doing so.   If necessary BubbaTheRealAD might forward this column to Larry and forestall any such foolish response.

Hopefully the game itself will be as lop-sided in favor of the home team as Saturday’s was for Coach Dave’s youngsters.

What the heck am I talking about ????

In his Monday press conference following his very first game at The Carter; Coach Dave Doeren LASHED OUT at wuzzy Wuffs for (1) not being back in the seats for the 3rd quarter….. and (2) for leaving early.

CLICK for a link to “Coach Dave’s Lash Out”

Presumably Coach Dave was exempting those wuff loyalists who were being treated for heat prostration.

College Football admins are universally concerned about the ever-formidable threat of TV versus “the stadium experience”.   When games must be scheduled for early afternoon in September it’s a no-brainer.

AD Frau Yow countered Coach Dave’s concern about State’s much-debated “halftime pass-out” policy.   Frau is not ready to rescind that policy.   Smart thinking Frau.  Better wait til Coach Dave beats Clemson and/or FlaState before trying that.

Wanna bet Madame Yow was herself in a comfy cool suite muching on munchies and hydrating on free beverages (not $4 water).

Frau put the blame, of course, on “The ACC” for forcing her into a midday kick-off.   She woulda opted for a night game given the choice.  Yet another sneaky trick by Commissioner Machiavelli Swofford no doubt.

That Little Johnny is likewise punishing his alma mater this coming Saturday was not mentioned.  Nor did Frau offer to not televise the game or not accept the TV revenues from it.

The point of interest here is simply Coach Dave calling out his brand new employers (the WuffNation) for doing what any sane individuals woulda done.   Coach Dave was being paid 1/12th of $2,000,000 to be there….. versus having to pay $50+ for the masochistic experience.

A faction of WuffNation touts that they are “the best darn fans theres ever been or ever will be”.   ECU Pirate fans as well as pretty much every fan base on Earth except Duke also “tout” that about themselves.  Tar HeelNation has a similar goofball faction that embarrasses the rest of us.

There are about a dozen fan bases across America that can legitimately lay claim to incredible loyalty under any conditions over many years.   NC State is not among that dozen or so.  Neither is UNC.

Did that aforementioned “Wolfpack immortal” stick it out until the end?  He’s pretty far “out there” on his own personal lunatic fringe so I bet he did.  I am checking with a spy who sits near him for confirmation.

Noon kick-offs in early September are a reality in college football.   “Lashing out” at one fans is a coach’s right of course.  EVERY new coach does a spiel early-on about “developing an SEC-type atmosphere” here at (fill in name of non-SEC school).   Fans get all giddy about the prospect….. then act like they’ve always acted.

Insane fan loyalty CAN be developed.   No one will dispute that NC State does have a small faction of such insanity on-hand to build on.   Who can ever forget F-Bomb Alley on Trinity Road.   Maybe Coach Dave will ask Frau to bring back that lovely bunch o’ cocoanuts.

An entire column without mentioning Johnny You-Know-Who…… betcha didn’t think I could do it, did you?

Speaking of “fans”…… my weekly column for Carolina fans on kinda calls them out……. CLICK.

On to Week Two.

Oh…. AgentPierce latest on N&O Editor John Drescher hizzy fit “went viral” within 12 hours.  He figured it would – CLICK


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