ESPN’s Hobson’s Choice: A-Rod or Manziel

August07/ 2013

Howdaheck can a guy keep up with the WNBA, LPGA, Danica’s love life and Riley not to mention PJ, Shadrach etc if our sports news is reduced to a Hobson’s Choice – A-Rod or Johnny Manziel.  That’s it – A-Rod or Manziel.  Jeeezzzzz.

I appreciate that PEDs and “pay college athletes” are issues de jour but neither get my blood pressure up.   I’m certainly not on any ESPN focus group for “what stories will we lead with tonight, then beat to death all day on ten different other ESPN shows for at least a week”.Torie

A-Rod is one weird trainwreck.   Is he still dating Torie Wilson?  Torie was my favorite WWF Diva.  Hubba Hubba.

When he and Junior Griffey were toiling away in obscurity in Seattle, both of’em could have incredible careers and maybe three guys in a Raleigh mall might know who they are.   Then he blew up the bank with The Rangers and every thing but his net worth began spiraling to hell.

It’s 2013 and you have $250,000,000 burning a hole in your pocket.
What to buy with all those $$$   The Washington Post … or A-Rod for ten years?  

Both options used-to-be-something-special but both those ships have sailed.   For another $20 bucks John Bezos could buy The N&O too.  If/when Dan “Rainmaker” Kane runs out of UNC informants, the price drops to $4.25.   The N&O would be an even swap for a cargo ship loaded with Sony Betamaxs.  OUCH!

At the time A-Rod moved to Texas, he was as close to The Total Package as any athlete could get in today’s socio-ethnic cultural minefield.   He was matinee idol handsome with a killer smile….. a non-freak athlete’s body and skill set…. and accepted in the three primary ethnic factions with ease.  Alls he had to do was (1) keep his nose clean and (2) drive baseballs.   That’s all….. and he couldn’t do it.

He became sour milk and green cheese under the unblinking eye of the NYC media.  If he had just looked to his immediate left on the infield or in the Yankee bullpen he had the perfect models to emulate….. and he couldn’t do it.

The $$$$s have not been an issue for ten years.  Alls he had to do was fine tune his legacy with clutch hitting heroics and keep smiling….. and he couldn’t do it.

There will be no A-Rod in Monument Park.


I find “Johnny Football” far more fascinating than A-Rod. 

For the first maybe EVER in Big Time College Sports certainly in the modern era – the Anti-Hero de jour is NOT a kid from “the mean streets” of an urban jungle…. or from a ramshackle row house on the other side of some Southern town’s railroad tracks.

He knows his father.
2nd / 3rd generation Texas oil baron who doesn’t fly coach.  He flies his own jet.

His mamma doesn’t have three jobs.
She serves on charity boards and has closets fulla designer threads.

He didn’t walk to school.
Johnny was driving a Mercedes when he turned 16.

For years the #1 stereotype scenario to garner “pay-em sympathy” for college athletes has been “Grandmamma’s Funeral”.  Grandma dies and XYZ player can’t get home to pay his respects because he lacks the wherewithall for a bus ticket.  OMG!!! ….. not a problem for Johnny.  Daddy Manziel would send the family jet.

With the PJs of college sports it’s “he’s doesn’t know any better” or “he’s an unfortunate product of a failed social experiment”.   Maybe PJ didn’t know the rules.  ???  I said “maybe”.

With Johnny the rules ain’t meant for me.  You people are all just bit players in My Movie – The Fast Life & Good Times of Johnny “Freakin” Football.

With Johnny, it’s “I am going to ‘be me’ because I can…. so there.”  I’m special and I’m entitled because well, because Daddy and Mamma have always told me I was.

I always get whatever I want including the HEISMAN Trophy…. that’s the way it’s always been and the way it always will be.  I’m Johnny “Freakin” Football.

Watch me play Life fast and loose with no safety net.  I’m invincible.  I’m bullet-proof.  I’m Johnny “Freakin” Football.

His coaches and the aTm admins could NOT would not jerk a knot in this brat.  His father/mother either lost all control years ago or decided he was someone else’s problem now…. or both.

You do know Johnny had a lengthy rap sheet “back home” for various and sundry bored rich kid antics outside the law.   There was a reason that Mack Brown never offered and it’s not like Mack just recruits Eagle Scouts and choirboys.

Can they prove he was paid for signing all that memorabilia?   Who knows?  OJ got off.   Would you or I cheerfully spend several hours signing a ton o’crap “just to be nice” to a sleazy autograph weasel.

ratzoColin Cowherd did THE FUNNIEST bit I’ve ever heard on his radio show on Monday.  He did an imitation of professional autograph  weasels that haunt sports teams’ hotels.  If you’ve never seen’em – I have – imagine Ratzo Rizzo from Midnight Cowboy.  YUCK!  Think “carnies” on a county fair midway.   You smell’em before you see’em.   PTUI!

How sleazy are they ??  Haydn “Fats” Thomas would put on latex gloves before he touched’em.   THAT’s sleazy!

Sure, they paid Johnny and you can bet that wad o’ cash was “sticky” from an unknown substance.  The mind reels.

I THINK:  Johnny Football is toast.   BUT Aggie pockets are as deep / deeper as any boosters’ pockets in America.   If all it will take is buying a few “mob lawyers” and buying off the NCAA suits then Hell boy… we ain’t got us no problem at all.  Let’s play us some tackle football.  Gig’em.

UNC(‘72) Eric Hyman is AD at aTm.  Eric’s kept a very low profile so far.   That might change soon.  Even at his $1,000,000/year salary, Eric won’t have much say-so when the hole cards are being turned over between now and kick-off of that Alabama game.

Phooey!  I was going to get righteous and pontificate about all the spiders and snakes hiding in each and any “pay college athletes” model ever designed or that ever will be designed.

Oh well….. that’s why the Good Lord made “maybe next time”.

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