I do love endlessly meandering sagas of human foolishness – The N&O & Duke Lacrosse, The N&O & John & Rielle, “Marvin tweeted”, Dickie or Butch said…..”, and “It’s Monday so Bully Barber must….”. But even I am running out of zingers to describe Young Master PJ. But, I’m a pro so the show must, and shall, go on.
Q: What is “Rarer” ……
(1) A picture of Jennifer Wiley or Deborah Crowder…. or
(2) PJ being pulled over DRIVING HIS OWN CAR?
In just the past 60 days, PJ had been seen driving more different cars than Mark Martin has in a 30+ year NASCAR career. Hellfire, more than Mark Martin AND the entire Petty Family combined and apparently Young PJ drives’em almost as fast too.
Would the “PJ Once Drove My Car” Club be able to hold its annual reunion in Cameron Indoor or would it need the roomier Dean’s Dome? Or maybe Kenan? PJ Hairston has driven more different cars than George Washington slept in beds.
Way back on Day One of this abscessed wisdom tooth of a pile o’ crap, I BobLee, overflowing with the milk of human compassion, suggested we all hold hands, sing Kumbaya and give Young PJ the opportunity to use the Culturally Disadvantaged gambit. Also known as the “He just don’t know no better” Defense.
Pierce and I got into a debate on that. Could both PJ and Bully Barber be granted immunity based on Zimmerman-mania? Barber knows he has the local media in his pocket. Young PJ, alas, forgot about DAN KANE. Uh Oh!
PJ obliterated that defense somewhere around “stoopid stunt #6 or #7”. Was that “the Yukon” or “the Camaro” or “the beach beer party”?
Maybe PJ grew up around repeat felons, illegal drugs, 9mms, vehicular malfeasance, and incredibly shady characters wearing twelve pounds of bling.? Two full years beneath the rafters of Dean’s Dome being lauded and applauded by TarHeel Faithful has simply not transfused a new lifestyle into Young PJ.
Maybe Young PJ read somewhere that “a prison tatt” will increase his chance to be a Lottery Pick next Spring and he’s hellbent on going where he can get one. The NBA being The NBA, Young PJ might be right about that.
How many of you’ans can recall when Young PJ’s laundry list of “dumb stuff” was only “as long as your arm”. Now it’s as long as John Henson’s AND Sam Perkins’ combined wingspans and growing faster than Pinocchio’s nose.
How long does one have to know Haydn Thomas before one can call him “Fats”? Or to learn why Haydn is spelled that way?
In those “several conversations” that Roy has had with Young PJ, did Roy ever think to ask “PJ, is there ANY part of ‘doing stoopid crap’ that you need me to further explain”?
If Bubba or Carol “from DARTMOUTH” Folt asked me for my advice, I would:
(1) Charge’em a lot less than $500,000 and I’d….
(2) Suggest that they buy a one way bus ticket to “Who Cares Where” and tell Roy “stick this up PJ’s butt in the next 10 minutes or use it yourself.” Ouch.
It’s well past time for Roy to pick up his phone and call NC A&T or NCCU or ElizCityState or the Albany Patroons, Barcelona Dragons or the Croatian CreepyCrawlies and tell’em he’s sending’em PJ on the next Greyhound Express. Confiscate his meal card and whatever Franklin Street Perks 4 Jocks chits he has on him.
Does ANYONE doubt that – if PJ somehow runs out of the DDome tunnel next season in a UNC uni at least seven flaming idiots even dumber than he is will give him a standing O?
Is it true that Mike Nifong and Crystal Mangum have both offered to sponsor Young PJ in their Dummies Anonymous chapter? Will “PJ-ing” become a verb as quickly as “Nifong-ing” did?
I guess Young PJ can’t be an “honor student and single mother of two”, can he? But The N&O might give it a shot.
And lastly; I have NOT cleared the following with my Brickyard Bunch of Lobo, CowDog, Thailand, Pomeranz, TRBK, NCSU68, wolfdon, fayettewuff, OldMcDonald or BOG Guy or Frau BUT:
I am hereby prepared to elevate Young PJ above and beyond the Legendary Mr Amphibious for his unprecedented serial stoopidity. “Shack” (and Washburn 475) have been the dubious benchmark for “Not as dumb as ______” for over 25 years.
I do believe we have us a new poster boy for Triangle Jocks Dumber Than A Box o’ Rocks.
All in favor say “Aye Zigga Zoomba”.