The Tobacco Road To Omaha

June13/ 2013

I did NOT coin that title phrase.  Baseball America did a few months ago, but it fits now….. does it ever!   Two local squads of “really good kids playing really good baseball” are headed to Warren Buffet’s BallYard in Omaha.    Yipppeeee!

College Baseball is the last vestige of legitimate Big Time College Sports.  We can actually watch without holding our noses or saying “it wasn’t very much marijuana” or “I bet the girl asked for it” or “what 9mm?”…. But DAMN that Johnny Swofford !! …..

I’ve about HAD IT with that Damn Johnny Swofford.  He used his influence with the NCAA to make sure Mike Fox’s kids have to face a thoroughly rested Carlos Rodon on Sunday.   It woulda been so easy to tweak the brackets so a fresh Carlos would never faced Colin & Company.  What’s the point of having “our guy” in a power seat if he pulls crap like this.  UNFAIR ….. UNFAIR!  EVERYBODY IS AGAINST US….. whaaaaaaa!

Am I the only one who noticed….. Mike Fox (and Elliott Avent too) apparently has “hair rules”.  Carolina kids (and State kids) don’t have facial hair or hair pooching out under their caps so they look like The North Raleigh Christian Academy Junior Varsity.  I mean REALLY…. are any moochies old enough to drive (or rent n SUV?…. oops, lets not go “there” yet). ….. But Ray Tanner / Chad Holbrook (both fine fine coaches) have less stringent hair rules for the Gamecocks…..

ERGO:   UNC vs USC looked like Fox’s Choir Boys playing the Oakland A’s AAA team from Modesto.   I swear the average age of Holbrook’s guys had to be 30 and they were all “grizzled Nam vets” or at least Gulf War I.  But the choir boys triumphed…..

And Rice and their Connie Mack / Casey Stengel-esque coach gave the term “old school” a whole new dimension.   I think he coached Clyde King at Goldsboro High.

Did you wanna reach thru the TV screen and hug Chaz Frank and assure him that 30-35 years from now everyone would probably forget his muff?   I bet Lee Dedmon wanted to.  No Lee…. no one has forgotten your moment.  Jump Lee Jump!

But a dogpile wipes out all sins….. like dumping an Etch-a-Sketch board.  Start over with a clean slate.   We luv ya Chaz!

OK, I know those victory dogpiles are just kids celebrating a Big Win but who mandatd that EVERY team has to do it?  Like EVERY NBA playoff arena has to put the same t-shirts on everyone in their lower level.  Can’t just one NOT do it?  At least The Wave has pretty much gone away.

Now two fine well-coached teams more evenly matched than two peas ‘n a pod just 28 miles apart travel 1,800 miles to go at it again….. Hang On Sloopy!   So much wonderfulness in the whole shebang regardless of how it all shakes out….. and only one “AWW CRAP”.

The Awww Crap is all the idiot board monkeys jumping on both schools’ baseball bandwagons now.   Board Monkeys are to sports what Gonorrhea is to ……  well, I can’t thing of any comparison so….. board monkeys ARE sub-human Gonorrhea.

Some flaming nitwits were DEMANDING “Elliott Avent be Fired” in the 8th inning of their close-out thriller.  Any human that freakin’ stoopid should not be allowed to vote…. breed…. or breathe.  Really!

But alas…. when a school’s teams hit “the big stage” the worst of the worst of the worst ooze out of the fan-base bandwagon like puss from a carbuncle.   It’s that “don’t let US down, Roy” jackass in St Louis in 2005.  It’s PhilipBridges86 last December.  Human freakin’ Hairballs.  Keyboard cockroaches.

A simple solution…. if you don’t know how to “score” a called third strike you should not be allowed to watch or, in any way, comment on anything that happens “in Omaha”. 

Will I be pullin’ for Fox’s Moochies on Sunday and beyond?  Absolutely.  Are “the Wuffies” my 2nd choice if “the Moochies” don’t make it?  Absolutely.

So many Humdinger games over the past few weeks !!!  Will Omaha be anti-climactic if there are no 15-18 inning marathons?

Oh…. Karl Hess will NOT be behind the plate on Sunday.  It will be Jim Knight!   GOTCHA!  Bwhahahaha….

Even with the bandwagon idiots on board now…. this will be wonderful.  Baseball is so pure and relatively unspoiled.   1-2-3 strikes You’re Out!  Full counts and bases loaded….. grand slams and squeeze bunts….. texas leaguers and cans o’ corn,,,,, frozen ropes and “slidin’ into 2nd with a stand-up double”….. you NEVER run out of time…. You do run “out of outs”

Is there some “law” that whenever any NC State team, in any sport, wins three games in a row, some goober yells “Cardiac Pack” and copies of Jimmy V’s ESPY speech suddenly get nailed to every telephone pole in West Raleigh.  I mean really!

Come Sunday afernoon, every UNC and every NC State fan will be armed with (1) Braggin Rights and/or (2) at least five excuses about “how we got cheated out of a win by ______”.  There is comfort in Life’s Absolutes!


TRUE STORY:  Thursday, I was with a Carolina Basketball Rafters Guy who, with a straight face, announced: “PJ Hairston is totally innocent and simply a victim of circumstance”.  WHOA!  My left eye started twitching uncontrollably and both my ears started bleeding.  I looked around at the 3-4 others in the group and their ears were bleeding too.  It was scary I expected Rod Serling to appear and say “…..thats the signpost up ahead. You are about to enterThe Carolina Way Zone…”

Sure, I am going to comment on the latest glob of Julius crap but not until the CWS is over.  It ain’t like “the Julius crap” is going away any time soon.

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