….since the recruiting of Mike Paulus

April14/ 2013

Was AgentPierce too cynical re: UNC’s new chancellor?  My compadre barbecued the dame from Dartmouth before she had uttered her first pithy comment about how AWESOME UNC is…. then I spoke with various eye-witnesses to her introduction.   AP might have understated this latest Flagshipian pratfall….. The Flatulent Fops of Franklin Street have not been so excessively enthusiastic since the recrFoltXuitment of Mike Paulus.  Move over Pierce.  It’s BobLee’s turn. …..

Eric Freakin’ Montross says Carol Folt is seven levels beyond IN-credible and, Lord knows, who knows more about assessing the incredibleness of new chancellors than Eric Montross.  Lets go beyond what everyone HAD to say on Friday in order to stay employed…..

WHOA BobLee, you haven’t even met The Incredibly Awesome Carol Folt?

The entire UNC Faculty, 97% of the residents of Chapel Hill plus every reporter for the N&O and WRAL hates Rush Limbaugh with the heat of 1,000 suns and, I know for a fact, not a one has ever met him.  I don’t make these rules.  I just play by’em.

On Saturday afternoon….. a full 24 hours after Carol Folt arrived in Chapel Hill with the pomp and ceremony of Venus de Milo on a clamshell or Michelle Obama on Air Force One….. I spoke personally with three solid citizens who were eye-witnesses to her intro Friday afternoon.

They were warned to wear protective eyewear or use one of those look-at-an-eclipse devices because Carol Folt is sooooo unbelievably unbelievable that to look directly at her wonderfulness will fry a normal human being’s retinas.

Eric Montross’ astute appraisal not withstanding, my three eye-witnesses’ quotes (all of whom are UNC-CH staff at mid-to-quite high levels) were:

(1) “She certainly is short”

(2) “She is itty-bitty…..”

(3) “When she stood beside Eric Montross it was the most bizarre sight I’ve seen since a donkey show in Tijuana in 1986….”

Needless to say Comment #3 won the prize as my favorite.  Yours too I bet.

A 4’11” She-Chancellor ??  Does UNC score extra diversity points for hiring a sub 5’ female?  If we can trace back far enough might we find some Commanche blood and get to count her as a Native American too.   Forget the fact she has not been on a large public liberal arts campus in over 30 years….. if she could be “a she-midget Indian” UNC wins the Chancellor Diversity Lottery….. and “Diversity” is all that ever really matters at UNC@CH.

It took The Search Committee four months to find the most out-of-synch candidate in the Northern Hemisphere.  MAYBE Carol Folt would be great as Provost at Washington U but that gig was recently filled.  MAYBE she coulda replaced Tom Ross as Prez at Davidson but Mamma Curry probably got that one.

Overlapping Carol Folt’s resume with any reasonable job description for UNC@CH Chancellor and the only match is “works at a college”.  They coulda hired Matt Kupec and saved the moving van costs.

That this woman probably does the Sunday NYTimes crossword in quill pen would be impressive.  That she is probably in the 99th percentile of intellectual acumen will endear her to the Orange County Mensa Society.  But not to me. I’d prefer an experienced CEO who is used to hitting big league pitching.

But BobLee, “she really believes in academics”.  Huh ????  What the heck does THAT mean?  Goobledygook…. pure polyunsaturated goobledygook.

Of all the super silly comments made on Day One of The Carol Folt Era, I nominate the stoopidest one was by an unnamed UNC coed:

“I already feel safer on campus now that we have a woman chancellor.”  ???!!!

Of the MILLIONS of inane comments ever uttered by UNC coeds this one oughta be a Top Ten-ner.  Don’t you think?  Did UNC hire Kate Beckett (Castle) or Pepper Anderson (Angie Dickinson – Police Woman) or Heather Locklear (T.J. Hooker)?

No, UNC hired the tallest she-midget in Hanover New Hamphire to run a beleaguered billion dollar institution that currently has more open sores than a leper colony…… The same UNC System that hired a guy with three years of small private college experience to run its 18 campus system.  OK, Tom Ross also had seven years experience providing million of dollars of funding to ultra left-wing extremists groups.

Oh, and…. Tom Ross’ fawning tribute to Holden Thorp was so smary I expected Holden to hold up his palms to show the nail holes.   Then, ascend thru a hole in the roof.   What a crock…. and I LIKE HOLDEN.  Alas, my days as token right-wing pal of a UNC Chancellor are dwindling to a precious few.  The rules prevent me from being appointed as token right-wing pal of any other UNC Chancellor for a minimum of a century.

I predict the tenure of The Incredibly Awesome Carol Folt (aka “The Fixer”) will last somewhere between “a Carl Torbush” and “a Matt Doherty”.  I don’t see her reaching “a John Bunting” or “a Butch” but exceeding “a Withers”.

I say that knowing full well that UNC employed Dickie Baddour as a Sr Administrator for fifteen years and only held his Fond Farewell Festival when the scope of his incompetence became so glaringly apparent that rival institutions were laughing so hard they were wetting their pants.

Glaring incompetence has never been seen as a negative at UNC….. or Gene Nichol would not be pulling down $250,000 after being fired at William & Mary.   Is that Physics professor still getting his performance bonus while sitting in an Buenos Aires half-way house waiting for his bikini model?   Or that Public Health professor who was propositioning pee-ers in the Atlanta Airport Men’s Room?  I could go on….. and on….. and on.  Insert “hiring Tami Hansbrough” in here.

NOTE:  NC State found its Chancellor Randy Woodson as an experienced battle-tested Provost at Purdue.  Randy had a distinguished career in academic administration that was ideally designed to be Chancellor of a large complex land-grant institution.  Randy is, to no one’s surprise, doing an outstanding job.

In media interviews Friday afternoon Carol Folt was asked:

Q:  How familiar are you with large complex public universities?

A:  “Well, I attended one 40 years ago The Univ of California.   STOP and insert Holiday Inn Express joke.

Q:  What is your experience negotiating with a combative state legislature for the life-blood funding of a billion dollar institution?

A:  “None but I think I can learn…..” – STOP and giggle while rolling eyes.

But hey….. Eric Freakin’ Montross is really impressed.   Eric is really really large so he must know a lot about picking chancellors.  Carol Folt is really really small.  She probably knows a lot about rebounding.

Comparing Franklin Street’s giddiness with Little Carol Folt to the recruitment of Mike Paulus requires one historical sidebar: Recruiting Mike Paulus necessitated UNC passing on “some kid in Richmond named Russell Wilson”.  Who is the Russell Wilson of potential chancellors that UNC just passed on to hire The She-Dwarf From Dartmouth?

Three years after being anointed Carolina’s BCS Messiah, Mike Paulus was back-up QB at William & Mary.   Where will Incredible Carol be in three years?

Hark The Sound of OUCH!

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