The Next UNC Chanc Oughta Be ____

March20/ 2013

THE most pressing issue in America today is –  If Danica wins Daytona, will she kiss Miss Sprint in Victory Lane?  So sue me if I’m wondering – If Holden wasn’t a good fit – what sorta Chanc SHOULD UNC go after?…… and here’s a headline that made me go OUCH!……

This Headline on Feb 20 …… Tar Heels Win Two In a Row!! – Ouch and Ouch.  Has this sacrilege (for so many) reached the level that Roy’s Boys “winning TWO in a row in mid-February” is cause for a “Hip Hip Hooray” headline?

ORW and his much-maligned “youngsters” have several sorta-season-savers coming up.  Just sneak into The Dance somehow and then start all over…..


NOT TRUE…. The NCAA has NOT hired Lance Armstrong as its new Infractions Czar replacing that idiot gal who screwed up the Miami slam-dunk investigation.  NCAA Poobah Mark Emmert is looking like Sheriff Buford T. Justice chasing Burt Reynolds’ “Bandit” across Mississippi.


PREDICTION:  Johnny “Football” HeisManziel will self-destruct at Texas A&M by next Thanksgiving if not before.   This ego-maniacal punk is headed full throttle over the “Ain’t I Something?” cliff.


UNC’s Next Chancellor oughta be…….

I don’t have a name but I have a description (that does NOT have a snowball chance in Carrboro of ever happening).

If a very very intelligent (“intelligent” in the good way, not the “wanna see my MENSA key” eunchs.) man of unimpeachable character with a 20 year familiarity with the product and a “Want To Succeed” Factor off-the-chart still could not saddebreak the Hydra-headed beast that is forever cursed to wanna be “Harvard during the week….. and Alabama / Kentucky from September thru March”.   What sort of Superman (or Wonder Woman) could survive, much less “succeed”?

Holden got completely off-track by (1) trusting “Dickie”; then he was poleaxed by (2) trusting Julius; and before he regained consciousness from those two sucker punches there was (3) Matt & Tami k-i-s-s-i-n-g ….. cue the DJ to play “Turn out the lights, the party’s over”.

Yes, he zigged when he shoulda zagged a few times and took some really bad advice a few other times.  Basically he got his pants leg caught up in his bicycle chain once too often…… and, in the end, paid the price for all of it.    Life ain’t fair in fact it’s a real bitch a lot of the time.

Only Half-Black Media-made Messiahs are never held accountable for their actions.

Holden Thorp is gonna kick-ass-and-take-names as Provost at Wash U.  No, he doesn’t know “what a Provost does” either but he is gonna be a mighty fine one.  You just wait and see.

To those who bleat “Holden simply didn’t have enough “seat time” in the corner office to handle the complexities and pressure” – I say two words Gordon and Gee.

Gordon Gee is one of if not THE highest paid CEO of any public univ in America at the Ohio State University.   It was this bow-tied buffoon that was a babbling clown when Jim Tressel played out his Sgt Schultz scam.   Gordo said “Fire the football coach???  Never.  I just hope he doesn’t fire me.”  Tressel should have.

GG has played Chancellor/CEO at 3-4 schools over the past 20 years and still came across like Ernest T Bass at Missus Wil-leeee tea party.  So “time on grade” don’t matter when the walls come atumblin’ down.

No multi-degreed career academic with a closet fulla mortarboards is gonna do much better.  Remember a certain organ-playing galoot who clapped like a gay seal?  Wannanother one of those?  I didn’t think so.

Howsa ‘bout Mary Ann The Fox introducing Chuckles and promising a Natty Champ for The Brickyard.  How’ed that work out?  Then James Oblinger getting flim-flammed by Queen Mary and Howdy Doody McQueen?   Ouch!

Howsa ‘bout Duke’s piecea work – Bumbling Bob Broadhead – leading the raging pot-bangers in full support of Crystal “Meth” Mangum and Mikey Nifong?

God had some secret purpose for creating gnats, Joe Biden and academic administrators….. but being “in charge” of anything more complex than “cue the band to play Pomp & Circumstance” is about it.

Running a multi-multi-million dollar kinda-complicated operation like a big college with big-time football and basketball “champagne & caviar” dreams takes “steely eyes, a square jaw and an iron fist”….. like General Tony Tata.

I don’t mean General Tony Tata specifically but someone with the for-real leadership chops of a General Tony Tata.  Or a Hugh Shelton (but not a Rick Dees!).   Most of you don’t know who General Tony Tata is.  Doesn’t matter.  Just trust me….. I’m “on a roll” and gotta keep moving here.

Give ME someone WHO knows how to hire, manage and put the fear ‘a God in his senior management staff…..  for WHOM “diversity and affirmative action” are nice but only after “Qualified” and “Competent” have been thoroughly confirmed.

YOU can have all the pompous Ph.Ds drunk on tenure and self-importance.

….. and “I’ll be in Scotland waaaaay afore you”.

Give me a man (or woman) with front line corporate combat scars WHO has held his/her ground when under live “board room” artillery fire.

WHO knows the buck stops on his/her desk but does not tolerate slackards, whiners, or blithering idiots regardless of whether they know both verses of the alma mater.

A First Responder WHO runs “into” the fire….. not under a desk curled up in fetal fear.

WHO can smell a rat or find a misplaced decimal in a P&L from across the room.

WHO will stand before his BOT, BOG, Legislature, Faculty Council, Fat Cats, and a campus overrun with too-privileged junior adult wanna-bees and say “Because I said so is why.  You have your orders.  Meeting adjourned.”

WHO can take thousands of scared spitless kids leaking false bravado out of every orifice and, in four years, turn’em into self-sufficient young men and women who can say “Look out World here I come to make my mark.”

Give me a for-real leader WHO knows “when to hug” and “when to kick-ass”.

WHO understands the vital importance of true “academic freedom” and can see thru the pompous snoots who delight in abusing the “privilege” of academic tenure.

Give me a Chancellor WHO can stare down a celebrity coach without blinking and say:
“If you EVER try to sneak even ONE semi-literate thug-alete into this university it’s gonna be me all over you with a can of whup-ass.  Any part of that you don’t understand, coach?  ….. Winning IS important, coach I expect you to “win” a lot more than you “lose” but you are NOT the straw that stirs the drink on this campus.  I am. You better not ever forget that.”

WHO knows the value of a dollar and can squeeze blood and nickels out of a turnip.  And expect every one in his employ to understand “We all work for the taxpayers of this state and we WILL be good stewards of their trust.

WHO expects wacky professors to do wacky crap because that’s what wacky professors do….. but knows when to say “OK, that’s TOO wacky so your wacky scrawny tenured ass is fired.  Here’s a box.  Clean out your desk and get the hell off my campus.

Ya think any search firm can find That Kinda Chancellor for UNC-CH?


So, if Danica DOES kiss Miss Sprint in Victory Lane does that mean she is a Lesbian or just the winner of The Daytona 500?

Hey, if this one wore you out….. check out AP’s latest.   I love that ol’ boy like a brutha, but I swear he even scares me some times.


0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x