Diogenes Visits Tuscaloosa PLUS…..

February14/ 2013

Did ya read that four Alabama’s footballers were arrested this week for armed robbery and assault.  You may not have read that Diogenes visited Tuscaloosa this week….. In other news, the SACSCC kicks UNC-CH in the cajones….. and Jim Delany’s group are giving up cupcakes for Lent. …….

America’s most overrated college football coach – Lane Kiffin – is credited (probably erroneously) for the quote – “Angels don’t play fooball….. so we don’t recruit angels.”  I’ve always liked that quote.  If not the quotee.

If that mischievous ol’ Greek cynic – Diogenes – visited Tuscaloosa in the aftermath of this recent thug-alete outbreak how might he find the attitude of the locals?

Do you think “Diog” could find even ONE single Crimson Tide fan who gives a rip about the criminal nature of a few of Nick’s grid-youngsters?  Nothing more than a few insignificant broken eggs in the making of a modern college football dynasty.

The three crystal footballs that Nick has brought to Tuscaloosa more than make up for this latest bit of behavioral unfortunatecy.  Which of St Nick’s SEC rivals can “throw stones” anyway.    LSU….. Florida….. Georgia…. Tennessee ????  Not hardly.  This is the vaunted SEC….. where football felons are far more prized than Rhodes Scholars.

Diogenes might also have a tough time finding one single certified board monkey lunatic in America who would not gladly trade four felons for three (and counting) crystal footballs.   Would you?


Meanwhile in The County of Orange…… yet another dose of “awwww crap” has percolated out of The Great Unpleasantness.   Everyone who knows what the SACSCC stands for please doff your mortarboard and move to the head of the class.

The Southern Association of Colleges and Schools Commission on Colleges has issued “a strongly worded notice…..” to UNC-CH as to “the legitimacy of degrees awarded to an unspecified number of graduates….”. In other words “more residual crap on top of the giant pile o’ crap” already piled up since young Marvin tweeted almost three years ago next month.

The same regional newspaper that chooses “left leaning” to describe the Obamic Regime chooses “strongly worded” to describe the SACSCC notice.  That might lead one to think this notice has hit South Bldg with the impact of a mega-ton bunker-buster dropped down the vent shaft of a Saddam Hussein spider-hole.

If the impact set off an epidemic of teeth-gnashing “Oh Mes & Oh Mys” on Franklin Street…. it also set off a euphoric spontaneous celebration at ABC World HQ on a certain West Raleigh Brickyard.   Wuff-Historians were scouring their records to see if there had ever been a “rush The Brickyard” celebration.  The “kid in the wheelchair” and “the Real Bob Kennel” are running around in circles “looking for somebody to hug”.

To receive a “strongly worded notice” from anyone is disconcerting to academics. OK, from anyone but that nitwit goober – PhilipBridges’86 – who hates Roy.  No one much cared about PhilipBridges’86’s strong words.

My immediate reaction was two-fold:

#1 – This won’t make for “a good day” for Holden Thorp and my other friends in UNC’s Ivory Tower.

#2 – The “legitimacy of a degree” in AfAmStudies ???  Come on man….!

Since when has anyone ever claimed any degree in AfAm WAS legitimate.  The whole silly curricula was never anything but reparational appeasement to dissuade terminal limo liberal guilt by a confederacy of pseudo-elitist pin-heads.

To imply there was EVER legitimacy to any degree in AfAm is akin to revealing that UNC’s mascot is not really a real ram running around in a Carolina suit but really “some kid in a ram suit”.  Did anyone EVER really think otherwise with either situation?

Then to suggest that UNC track down all its AfAm degree-holders and have them return to take “real classes” replacing Uncle Julius (and Deborah’s) infamous bogus ones….. to “legitimize their degrees”.  Quick, someone call Monty Python.  We have us a whizbang movie screenplay… at least an SNL skit.

“A real class in AfAmStudies”?  Is that like “a real unicorn” or “a real Sasquatch” or “Joe Biden is really VPOTUS”?

I have this vision of Julius Peppers’ high-rise condo on Chicago’s Lakeshore Drive. An elaborately framed copy of “Pepp’s” UNC diploma hanging beside his 200” mega plasma HDTV and life-size “fatheads” of Tupac and Rhianna.  I can see Pepp tearfully removing the now illegitimate diploma from his wall, and coming to grips with the SACSCC edict that he is not REALLY a college graduate….. then calling his personal assistant to order him “a messa o’ ribs” and a liter of Mountain Dew.

Will this sad scenario be repeated dozens and dozens of times…. ohhhh the tragedy….. oohhh the shame.

This is all quite a mega BFD to the fragile psyche of UNC-CH much-maligned academes.  “Accreditation” is purty near all one has…. when one’s world is a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta founded on pomposity and self-delusion.

I’m trying to come to grips with Danica Patrick dating a fellow driver…. and these loons are in a snit about “accreditation”.  GET REAL PEOPLE!

SACSCC Poobahess Belle Whelan cites “a breach of academic integrity” and the need to “make the bogus degrees whole”.  Belle then coined a possible bumper sticker for the whole glorious mess – “Integrity – Honesty – Fairness” which lacks the power of Liberte – Equalite – Fraternite or Remember The Alamo….. but it’s a start.

Wonder what Belle thinks about UNC giving Dickie “I didn’t know nuthin ’bout nuthin” Baddour a Farewel Fete normally reserved for people who did know sumthin’ ’bout sumthin’ ???

UNC could, conceivably, lose its “accreditation”.   Fear not….. I checked and the SACSCC has zero jurisdictions over “rafters”, domes and/or banners.

While “the kid in the wheelchair”…. and The Real Bob Kennel and the Red Army’s Death Penalty Mob all continue to “look for somebody to hug” over this latest chapter of Old Well Woe…… a celebration that is estimated to continue for, give-or-take, a quarter of a century minimum.

My UNC degree was not in AfAmStudies.  I could ceremoniously join with Pepp and Stackhouse and Antawn and others in holding our now bastardized sheepskins and weeping….. IF I knew where the heck it was.

During a corporate re-locate in my late 20s, I put that darned thing in a cardboard box along with my high school lettermen’s jacket and my Boys State certificate and other atta-boy detritus everyone accumulates trodding Life’s Winding Road.  After my second job interview in the mid 70’s no one ever asked about my college degree…. or my high school lettermen’s jacket.  How about you?


Meanwhile….. Larry Bird’s son was arrested after he tried to run over his ex-girlfriend in a car.   That resulted in his mug shot being broadcast around the world.  Yep, he’s Larry Bird’s son alright…. and reasons for his girlfriend issues are apparent.


Jim Delany’s Big 10-12-14 have agreed to no longer schedule small-college cupcakes in football.   No more AppyState visits to the Big House but “that one” was already never gonna happen again.


Carolina lost to Duke last night but “it was close”.  “Close counts” in (1) horseshoes, (2) hand grenade and atom bomb throwing ….. and (3) “when you feared a blow-out”.   Methinks Roy might be spending some time on “clutch free-throw shooting” in upcoming practices.  Ya think?……

UNC Baseball starts next week AND…..  UNC Women’s Tennis won the NCAA Indoor Tennis NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP earlier this week.  ….. but lets face it, no one is running down Franklin Street “looking for somebody to hug” about that. …… sigh.


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