‘Tis The Season for _____ .

December13/ 2012

It’s December boys & girls and you know what THAT means!  It’s “Suspend a bunch of bad boys Month” in BCS World.  ….. What socio-cultural “problem” will the NFL adopt as it’s very own next week? ….. and BobLee discusses the Whose Ox Rule for websites  …….

Being a bowl team means……  thugs
…… Pretty much every major college in North America EXCEPT UNC, tOSU, Penn State, and Madge’s College of Hair Removal is preparing for its “Big Bowl Game” these days.  This means its “uh oh” time for 2.5 bad boyz on each team.
2.5 is the average number of miscreants suspended from each bowl team during December.   Some teams suspend more, some suspend less.  SEC teams average 6.8/team which skews the overall stats.  The NCAA mandates a minimum of one human sacrifice per bowl team.  Most schools choose an anonymous “biscuit boy” from its meat squad.  3rd string deep-snappers are popular choices.  Others select from their ample supply of druggies, bullies, pervs, and sexual predators.   At UNC this is known as the K Mays Rule.
The most popular reason for these annual December suspensions is “violation of unspecified team rules”.  This is the football team equivalent of “irreconcilable differences”.  It covers a multitude of sins.   Most BCS schools do, thankfully, have “team rules” governing “beating up coeds”…. “brandishing a 9mm in a convenience store”…. “stealing cars”…. and all that yucky kilos and gram drug stuff. Who knew?
Why do these incidents happen in December?  They don’t.  They happen during the regular season but since those games actually “matter” most schools put their “deal with its” on hold until December so the team can qualify for one of the 128 bowl games and their coach can collect his bowl game bonus.  An oft-asked question is “do suspended thug-aletes get bowl-bling”?  Yes they do.  Teams put a cache of extra bowl bling in a shopping bag in an un-locked car in a pre-determined dorm parking lot.  Within 24 hours the cache of bling (and occasionally the car itself) is gone.
Our holiday wish for you is that your team doesn’t lose “a player that matters” in this December’s Suspension Derby.

The NFL Problem de Week…..
…… Two weeks ago the NFL had “a gun problem”.  This week the NFL has “a drunk driving problem”.  Who wants to guess what rampant socio-cultural disorder “the league” will adopt as it’s very own next week?   If Jason Whitlock and Bob Costas know, they aren’t telling anyone.  In October the NFL “pinked out” to show it’s support for abolishing breast cancer.  Somebody made some serious $$$$ supplying the pink shoes, pink gloves, pink caps et al and hopefully Susan B. Komen got a nickel when the accounting was done, but don’t bet on it.  I had always wondered if the NFL was in favor of breast cancer or not.  Good to know it is not.
Now what about Diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Leukemia….. ?  If those afflictions can decide on “a color” perhaps the NFL will support them too.
My sources tell me the next NFL Problem will be “Texting while driving a Bentley”.  The runner-up next league-wide problem was “Not tipping enough at strip clubs”.
The League would like to find a problem that involves a Manning or a Tebow.  Alas, “not flossing after every meal” doesn’t have much marketing pizzazz.

Related News: The NFL Rules Committee is seriously considering doing away with 2nd Downs and “brunette cheerleaders”.

Whose Ox the media gores…..
….. A week or so ago we discussed “a website reports…..” as sufficient reason for distressed tabloid media to break-out its Second Coming type to ignite a stoopid firestorm among a lunatic fringe.   “Fedora Hates UNC – Bolting For Knoxville” was the bogus story used as case-in-point by the N&O.  WuffNation’s lunatics were the ignited fringe.
As a secondary example we used “a website report” on SI.com (SI = Sports Illustrated) that noted Frau Yow’s prominent role in bankrupting Maryland’s Ath Dept.
BobLee has no clue whatsoever of Ms Yow’s financial acumen.  I am assuming it is exemplary.  I would personally support Ms Yow to replace Tiny Tim Geithner as Secretary of Treasury in a heartbeat.  Heck, I would support Hawkeye Whitney to replace Geithner.  I was simply noting what “a website was reporting”.
When is “a website report” valid and when is it bogus?  Well, thanks to a dyed-in-the-red-wool ardent admirer of Ms Yow, we now have that answer.

    A “website report” IS valid when:
(1) it is favorable to an individual or institution you like…. OR when
(2) it is UNfavorable to an individual or institution you don’t like.

That Yow-lovin’ fellow supplied us “another website report” that was less critical of Ms Yow’s role at Maryland and instructed us to “believe this one not that other one”.   OoooKay!
It should be noted that that same guy is a really really really devoted fan of Dan Kane and he is certain every word Dan writes on the N&O website indicting UNC is 100% Gospel Truth.  SURPRISE SURPRISE!

My e-mail box is “like Gump’s box o’ chocolates”.  I never know what I’m gonna find when I open one.  Any one who doesn’t think I giggled a really really long time over the above exchange really doesn’t know me very well at all.  In fact I’m still giggling….. giggle, giggle, giggle.

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