Thrills, Agonies & A Smokin’ Remote

November18/ 2012

It was a day of, not so much “color & pageantry” as it was “the thrills of victories & the agonies of defeats”.  As Stanford’s OT FG passed thru the Autzen uprights around 11:45 EST my remote was smoking.   Bless its heart, it had done yeoman’s duty for the past ten hours….. never asking for relief…. never failing to respond to my touch.  At a nickel per click, I would have had a whole lot of nickels by the time Saturday became Sunday. ……

I don’t pay for any packages so all I had was “all the ESPNs” and CBS, NBC, ABC.  Two flat-screen TVs 100’ apart and ever how many permutations that permits.

If Wide World of Sports did its epic opening today….. “that crashing skier” would be wearing an Oregon helmet and a K-State jersey.  Ouch and double ouch!

I couldn’t help but think as “the BCS standings” were morphing like an Etch-A-Sketch in an earthquake….. “ya know if we just had a playoff, maybe, just maybe we could inject some excitement into college football.” ……. Yep, college football needs to be tweaked to make it exciting. ………. or maybe not.

Saturday’s night games were so awesome that the awesome day games were almost forgotten.  Did any one in Eugene realize that the UNC v GaTech combined score record came within a frog hair of being the shortest “most ever” record in ACC history?   That guy on Swofford’s staff that records records hadn’t even entered that one yet and goings-on at Clemson were threatening it less than a week later.

Last week I said “50 is the new 30”.   Now maybe “60 is the new 50”.   Everybody scored 50 on Saturday EXCEPT the one school you expect to score 50 in the first half – the aforementioned Oregon Ducks of Nike U.   Oregon only scored 14 in their ignominious fall to the No-Luck Cardinal.

A week ago, disgruntled UNCers were debating the cyber execution of whatever Fedorian assistant gets paid to coordinate the Defense.  Now, State fans are praising Archer/Tenuta for “only allowing 62” to Dabo’s scoreboard-busters.  One State kid collects more total yardage in one game than the entire MAC Conference has in a year….. and his team lost.

State loonies are praising their gallant young warriors in a 62-48 blood-letting…. because UNC lost earlier 68-50 to a team that lost to a Middle School.

VaTech loonies are happy their Hokies finally are bowl-eligible and might get to enjoy Christmas In Appalachicola.  Apparently a squeaker OT W over Boston College actually counts towards bowl eligibility.  Who knew!

Duke loses on Bobby Dodd Field in Grant Field Next To The Varsity but who cares because Duke can look forward to Christmas In Appalachicola.

The Fedorians romped earlier in The Valley Of The Shenandoah o’er Mr Jefferson’s youngsters who only two weeks earlier beat those aforementioned TO’B boys like rented mules at their own Homecoming.  The Fedorians, who will enjoy Christmas in neither Appalachicola nor Shreveport, now get to be Maybe The Last Team To Ever Beat Maryland As An ACC Team.  Yes….. tickets ARE still available for that game amid Kenan’s lofty pines.

Maryland – with an anemic Athletic Dept $$$ bottom-line that only a McClatchy newspaper would envy – is now going to find $50,000,000 in its sofa cushions to pay Johnny Swofford so it can pay more $$$$ to Jimmy Delany to begin heated rivalries with Nebraska, Iowa and Rutgers.  $50,000,000 is a lotta bake sales and car washes!  Dontchaknow Coach K and Ol’ Roy are gonna miss those annual excursions to WhateverUsedToBe TheHouseThatLeftyBuilt?  Good riddance Terps.   Yawn.  Can you take Boston College with you, please?

Those lovable Deacs make national headlines by being Notre Dame’s hapless victim on The Day #1 & #2 Went Down and now every sportswriter worth his free chicken fingers at the press box buffet gets to write stories using the words “echoes” and “Parseghian”.

The FireLaneKiffin&HisDaddyToo Society in LA gets a membership spike.  Now the most-hated-coach-in-America not named Saban or Calipari gets to be listed on Vegas tote boards as Odds Lane Kiffin Gets Axed If He Doesn’t Beat Parseghan’s Old School Next Week.   Suddenly everyone is saying “who’s the UCLA coach and WOW they’re good!”   CLUE:  It ain’t Rick Neuheisal any more.

Any one want a really good deal on a Matt Barkley 4 Heisman t-shirt?

And….. alas and alack the title of Most Famous Manhatten In America is returned to the one across from Staten Island that was purchased from the Indians for $25 worth of beads….. and not the one at the end of a two-track road in Central Kansas.

Waco hasn’t hosted such a bloody massacre since David Koresh’s Branch Davidians became crispy critters.  Ouch.

Any one want a really good deal on a Collin Klein 4 Heisman t-shirt?

Blondie and I were probably the only ones within 300 miles of our house who were also clicking in/out of Mizzou v Syracuse which was also a humdinger won by The ‘Cuse on a buzzer-beater drive.  Mizzou still one W short of its coveted Christmas In Appalachicola.

Stoops’ Sooners beat the sofa-burnin’ ‘Neers in Morgantown 50-49 but since October hasn’t pretty much everyone beat the ‘Neers.

Any one want a really good deal on a Gino Davis 4 Heisman t-shirt?

Any one want a great deal on a nice house in Knoxville?  Call 800-Rocky-Top and ask for Derek.  (I still have Rocky Top in the Butchie Gonna Go To Sweepstakes)

Yessiree…. I sure wish “they” would institute “a playoff” so Big Time College Football would get exciting.   Don’t you?

And, just when ya thought Paula Broadwell bringing down The Pentagon was a biggie….. Some woman named Mary Willingham shows up at Dean’s Dome blowing a whistle and driving a bulldozer.   Uh Oh!


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