If ______, So what?

October25/ 2012

I’ve received a number of inquiries this week concerning the lack of the usual sophomoric / infantile / nitwit “bantering” that usually precedes “a big rivalry game”.   I replied that I’m sure the respective toxic waste sites would be overflowing with their usual effluent.  The “real world” (a relative term) is pre-occupied with another upcoming partisan battle of slightly greater magnitude.  ……. rivalss

First….. “Big rivalry” is a relative term for the annual UNC v NCSU backyard bragfest.  It is “big” to the two respective camps to the same earth orbit-altering degree that a zit on her nose is “a big deal” to a bride on her wedding day.   “Big” nonetheless within a defined universe.

There is a valid reason that ESPN Gameday has chosen to be in Norman OK for OU vs Notre Dame rather than amid the lofty pines.

One of two outcomes will be recorded around 3:00 Saturday amid Kenan’s lofty pines.

(1)    Larry’s Fighting Fedorians will rebound from “the weeper at The Wally” to give Larry an undefeated record versus The Marine.   Or…..

(2)    The Marine will shrug “Yawn…. Butch, Everett, Larry, whoever….. 6-0 and away we go.”

If (1) occurs – UNC wins:
There will NOT be bonfires on Franklin Street or any other V-E Day…. Lindbergh Landed Safely….. “….. One Giant Leap For Mankind” celebrations by Tar Heel loyalists.  It will have the effect of being told a malignancy has “seemingly gone into remission”.   In other words, not gone away but no longer an immediate cause for continuing to burn votive candles…. but there still ARE “other yucky issues” to deal with.  Indeed.

Among the residents of WuffNation, the immediate immediate reaction will, of course, be “blame the refs….. blame Swofford….. blah blah”.  The secondary reaction will be “1-5 over six years ain’t too shabby”.  The tertiary reaction will includes the phrases “Marvin….. UNCheats….. Swahili…. plagarism….. Matt & Tami…. blah blah blah”.  The time span between the first reaction and that third-level reaction will be about 2.5 seconds.

If (2) occurs – NC State wins:
Depending upon when that (2) outcome is apparent, there may / may not be too many UNCers around to even acknowledge it.  Nothing clears out Kenan Stadium faster than an imminent non-victory over a much-disliked opponent.  I mean you’re talking about “beam me out, Scotty” and “where ya wanna go for Sunday brunch?” …… If it’s a nailbiter with a negative outcome then it gets a bit sticky.  I’m not sure how the assembled Kenanites might react.   The usual safe haven of “how long before basketball?” ain’t looking all that safe these days.  For sure remaining home games versus GaTech and Maryland will not be “tough tickets”.

(2) outcome from a Wuff perspective might be a bit subdued.  Sure their no-life bottom-feeder faction will snort and chortle and forget for a few minutes that their real lives still really sux; but the mainstream Wuffs have become somewhat complacent about this.  I mean 5-0 is 5-0 and 6-0 is still “-0” so what.  After all the Dan Kane-isms and Matt&Tami jokes….. their UNC co-workers, neighbors, relatives are pretty numb to it all.    Any torturer will tell you once the victim loses consciousness you really don’t gain anything with more water-boarding.

So….. other than the usual Wuff bottom-feeders being the usual Wuff bottom-feeders, Saturday’s outcome is not going to be a landmark event among real people with real lives.  Even if there is some “TA fumble on the goal line” event, it is not going to be “one for the ages”.

I mean “Pablo Sandoval hits three HRs in a World Series game” and 99% of Americans say “was Pablo that Libyan ambassador that was killed”.   Actually 99% of America wouldn’t know Pablo Sandoval from Walter Dalton assuming there IS “a Walter Dalton”.  See what a mess we’re in?

Would this Saturday’s outcome matter more if last Saturday’s outcome had not been last Saturday’s outcome?  A little maybe; but not that much.  A W at The Wally even by the skin of Ramses’ teeth woulda just been “another W over Duke….. yawn”.

Ya wanna know how this “big game” rates?

The BIG news outta Chapel Hill this week is “they” have formally outlawed the term “freshmen”.

“They” have declared “freshmen” to be sexist or gender-rific or some such incredibly stoopid affront to some imaginary diverse constituency.

And YOU thought Matt&Tami was about as silly as it could get didn’t ya?  I received twice as many HOLY CRAP concerns about the “freshmen thing” as I have about this week’s game.

49% of America really really dislikes (hell, lets say it – HATES) the other 49% who HATES them right back.  The remaining 2% (and a high % of those combined 98%) think George Washington was named after the Redskins or have no clue who George Washington is or was.

…… and a gaggle of flaming nitwits at a major academic institution announce the outlawing of the term “freshmen”.

Kinda makes you hope the Mayans are correct about December 21….. at least a little bit.  Howsabout we disembowel UNC’s flaming nitwits and the Wuff bottom-feeders on a sacrificial altar and hope that will prevent The End of Days.

Even if it doesn’t, our final days will be better without’em.

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