Matt & Tami…. OH MY !!!!

September12/ 2012

Whatever can I write about today ?? There’s the wild card race in the AL…. go O’s.  Those replacement refs??  NASCAR’s Chase begins??  South Alabama visits The Carter?? ….  Nahhh, I need something oozing with sex and abject stoopidity.  The DNC last week?  No, something a bit closer to home. Let’s google Great Unpleasantness This Week and see what pops up – – –  GREAT SNAKES & LITTLE WIGGLERS !!

Matt & Me…. my personal association with Matt (do I really need to say “which Matt”?) consists of a 30-minute conversation in the Chancellor’s Box at Kenan three years ago.  He was most unhappy about Butch’s all-navy uniforms for that Thursday night game vs FlaState.  Golly, remember when stuff like “uniform colors” was a lively conversation topic on board Ye Olde Flagship?  Those were the days, huh!

I got the distinct impression he was not onboard the Butcher Bandwagon.  He confirmed he was a regular reader of this website so I took an immediate liking to the guy.  He didn’t like Butch ….. He did like Me – he seemed to have his priorities in order back then.

A few months later I was sitting courtside at Dean’s Dome with a UNC Super Poobah (AND a Duke Professor !!)….. the tamichest2Poobah gossiped with adolescent glee that “Matt Kupec is dating Tami Hansbrough…. hubba hubba!”   I swear he actually said “hubba hubba”.   At that precise moment the Poobah, the professor and I were 3’ away and eye-level with the sweat-drenching midriff of a nubile cheerleader.  On such occasions middle-aged men are prone to ribald phrases like “hubba hubba”.

I suppose I could format this as an essay illustrating man’s inevitable descent into the darkest depths of hell in vain pursuit of a shaplier calf or a firmer breast or simply the desire to play Russian Roulette with one’s personal and professional life.  But I’m opting for rapid-fire stream of consciousness zingers….. It would be nice if you credit ol’ BobLee with some of these, but I can’t force you to do that.

Who is benefitting the most from “Matt & Tami”?  Lance Thomas.   Who?  I rest my case.

You KNOW the Ladies’ Garden Club back in Poplar Bluff is havin’ a ball with this.   Tami had to have honed her Black Widow skills on a few of the locals gents before she moved on to Mississippi.

Matt certainly isn’t the first, or last, guy to go “middle-age crazy”.  But most middle-aged guys in college towns opt for coeds.  It says something for Ms T that she could beat out that competition.  Did Matt also buy the obligatory Porsche Carrera and get the “Born To Raise Hell” tattoo?  Does one Tami  = two 25 y/os?  I’m not sure of the rules on this stuff.

Tami isn’t the first, or last, gal to use the missionary position to get a position.

Little Johnny Swofford purposely times Notre Dame Joins ACC announcement to divert media hysteria over Matt & Tami.  AttaBoy Johnny Swofford.  🙂

How much shelf life would this story have if it had broken BEFORE Marvin had tweeted?

Senior UNC Official Resigns Over Expense Kiting  =  a one-day story

Former UNC QB / Sr UNC Official Resigns Over Expense Kiting  =  a two-week story

Former UNC QB & Beauty Queen Mamma Hansbrough Gallivanting All Over on University Nickel  =  Priceless !!  Shelf Life = Forever.

Jimmy V could be resurrected and be seen having lasagna at Amedeo’s with Ev Case and Coach Gott and it would be “below the fold” in The Technician this week.

Bubba, did they mention THIS during your job interview?

Imagine Mrs Fedora and Mrs Cunningham over coffee “What kind of freakin’ carnival sideshow have we joined?”

Patti Thorp has gotta be thinking “you know, being the wife of the Director of The Morehead Planetarium was a pretty good life.”

Gene Nichol is smiling….. “And everyone thought I was the craziest sumbitch in this circus.”

Bart Ehrmann…. “I told them there is No God.  Now maybe they’ll believe me.”

Ol’ Roy.…. “Dadgummit, Mamma Ware and Mamma Drew were the ones I figgered would cause trouble.  I gotta start recruiting youngsters without mammas.”

Dan Kane….. “The odds that I will be the last reporter to be laid off at The N&O just keep getting better and better.  Hell, I might outlast Drescher and Quarles at this rate.”

Somewhere Chris Kupec is saying “No, it’s not me.  I’m not my brother’s keeper.”

Does “Matt” (Doherty & Kupec) now join “Julius” (Nyang’oro & Peppers) as Least Favorites Names for male babies born at UNC Hospital?

I commented on-record when Tami got that dental school gig – “Uh oh, no good will come of this.”   There were dozens of other places around CHill they coulda hid Tami – secretary for Franklin Street Partners….. concierge at The Siena….. cocktail waitress at TopOfTheHill.  Or heck…. Maceo Sloan over in Derm hires all of Coach K’s player mammas.  Maceo could come up with something…. But on the UNC payroll ???  I guess it could be worse.  They coulda hired her as a tutor. ….. NOTE: I had suggested her as make-up consultant for the UNC Dance Team if you recall.

Wonder if Deborah Crowder and Jennifer Wiley are looking for a third roommate?

How many women above the age of 30 end their name in “i”?  I mean Really!  I thought that was reserved for NFL cheerleaders and pole dancers.

Matt is unemployed now; with most of his assets going to the former Mrs K.  How long before Ms T packs up her Louis Vuittons and moves on?  Can’t be but so many miles left on her “curb appeal”.  Maybe she goes to Atlanta and battles Phyllis George for Charlie Loudermilk?   That cat-fight would have some pay-for-view potential.

Will Matt end up squatting outside the Chapel Hill Post Office looking like Robinson Crusoe in a Grateful Dead t-shirt holding a cardboard sign – “Will raise $4,000,000,000 for a hot meal and a cot.”

In whatever converted broom closet Dickie Baddour is using as his silly made-up office on campus, you know he’s wondering “How is BobLee gonna blame THIS ONE on me?”  ….. I’m not Prince Tassel Loafer.  You get a pass this time.

Dickie…. “So do ya’ll still think Matt woulda been a better AD than I was?”  Are you kidding?  Nakhtar woulda been as good.  Dawn Bunting woulda been better.

Will Dan Kane’s investigation reveal how much “funds” Ms T raised from middle-aged dentists with hum-drum lives and vivid imaginations?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE…. don’t anyone tell Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday about this.  His new pacemaker can’t handle it.

How many of you said after the parking tickets story:  “Well, this should finally be the end of all this.  Now can we get back to playing football and educating young people?” ………Ahhhh, those were The Good Old Days.

All we need now is Rip Taylor throwing confetti and Billy Arthur riding a unicycle.


Oh and then there’s that Notre Dame / ACC thingy too….. It’ll take me a few days to think about that.   Listen to the radio show on Saturday.  I’m sure Art & I will have a few salient comments.

TOTALLY UNCONFIRMED that Tami is already headed to South Bend with her sights set on “The Gipper”.

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