To most of you it was just agate type in the Sunday college scoreboard; but it was more than that to some of us. I am a student of the socio-cultural aspects of American sports. The results of cards laid and cards played in BCS poker. If this were “strip poker”, Truman The Missouri Tiger is down to one sock and his skivvies. …. and the latest with the Fightin’ Fedorians, TO’Bians et al……
With visions of 1/14th shares of bowl jackpots dancing in their heads, the Poobahs of THE University of Missouri followed the golden brick road out of the comfortable Midwest surroundings of Big 8 – Big 12 World for the vaunted SEC. Bye bye Branson and hello to the glitz & glamour of college football’s version of The Vegas Strip. Oh Boy Oh Boy…..
No more Ames Iowa and “Little Apple” (Manhatten Ks). No more wavin’ wheat of those obnoxious Rock Chalkers that Quantrill should have massacred. No more Texas, Oklahoma and everyone else play for 3rd place. No siree Don Faurot, Kellen Winslow and Chase Daniel.
Pinkel’s Fightin’ Tigers and the good citizens of CoMo (that’s Columbia. Mo to the rest of the continental US of A) were “movin’on up to the Big Time” of the SEC. That’s Mister SEC to you, Mizzou.
The Land of Hedges and Groves and Swamps and Rocky Tops and Death Valleys and Rollin’ Tides and Bears in houndstooth hats and War damn Eagles and Cockabooses. Where “it ain’t cheatin’ lessen you get caught”.… and “if you ain’t cheatin’ then you don’t want it bad enuff”.
You really are “in a heapa trouble boy” if you show up for an SEC game without brass knuckles and a tire iron….. and that’s just for visiting chancellors and provosts. ….. Where “west of the Mississippi” is considered “East” and where “good teams” play for 6th place table scraps.
Mizzou hosted its very first SEC opponent Saturday night – THE Univ of Gawja with The Reverend Mark Richt and ever how many Dawgs aren’t suspended or in lockdown this week.
The excited CoMo-ians got all dressed up and hung a big “Welcome to Missouri” banner at the city limits. The mayor’s daughter was all set to sing “Georgia on My Mind”. The CoMo Junior League baked a messa pecan pies and someone even dug up an old Jimma Carter yard sign.
Of course, Mizzou ditched their beautiful traditional helmets & uniforms for bling bling rags designed by Flavor Fave.
When the early outriders of the Dawgs Motor Home Caravan began arriving Thursday AM, they ripped the banner down, used it as “TP” and some wayward Son of UGa urinated on Mizzou’s fabled columns. …… and Georgia fans are considered “kinda laidback” by SEC standards.
Marauding LSU and ‘Bama fans have been known to burn crops, slaughter livestock and kidnap any wimmenfolk that might make decent breeding stock back home.
Mizzou’s Tiger Mascot – Truman has a smile on his face.
LSU’s Tiger Mascot – Mike has a bloody human appendage in his fangs.
Mizzou fans had figured “well, gee whiz, we’ve been playing national powers Texas, Oklahoma and Nebraska every year for decades. We know something about Big Boy Football.”
Yeah, well they conveniently forgot they got buttwhupped by Texas, Oklahoma and Nebraska 9 outta 10 times. The final score was Gawja 41- Mizzou 20 but it was sorta close…… in the first half. By game’s end, the Dawgs were dancing the Missouri Waltz in the late Larry Munson’s famed hob-nailed boots.
Someone equated it to a retired couple purchasing a big fancy Harley to “See America”. One of those really fancy models with lotsa chrome and saddlebags and fringe on the handlebars and helmets with walkie-talkies and everything…… then joining Hell’s Angels and hearing “you kinda remind me of Ned Beatty” while banjos dueled in the background. Uh oh.
Today those good citizens of CoMo are wondering if 1/14th of a bowl jackpot can fill that cavity where their institutional soul used to be.
PS: Could it get ANY worse for CoMo and Mizzou? Yes. Local boy – Carl Edwards – missed out on qualifying for NASCAR’s Chase this year. But at least Quinn Snyder is still long gone.
Meanwhile The Fightin’ Fedorians learn that not all small private schools in North Carolina are the same. To quote another Triangle-area coach – “we can still win 11.”
That afore-mentioned other Triangle-area coach kept his offense under wraps in Storrs so as not to show South Alabama and The Citadel too much. His Wuffs can also “still win 11”.
Duke traveled to Palo Alto where Johnny Dawkins had everyone over for a cook-out before the Stanford Fighting Fir Tree ran up half a hundred on’em. Luck (Andrew) had already run out but so had Duke’s.
Savannah State banked another $500,000 giving up a point for every dollar to the ‘Noles.
Meanwhile in MLB…. both Baltimore and Washington will probably make the playoffs. THAT is simply inconceivable….. in a good way.
Week Two of The Good Guys w/ Art C & BobLee continues to fly under the FCC’s policies & standards radar. Rumors of Art & BobLee replacing Skip Bayless & Stephen A are just plain silly. ….. CLICK.
The following is my weekly column for chapelboro.com Huddle With The Heels. Depending upon your other options, it might be worth a read.
No Such Thing as an ABWFer
By BobLee 09/09/12
I was determined to channel Charlie Dickens for my UNC v Wake retrospective even before Larry Fedora being undefeated on Tobacco Road was snuffed out like a half-smoked Camel. Take your pick – Modest Expectations …. or A Tale of Two Programs.
On The Good Sports pre-game show, I had The Fightin’ Fedorians headed to Louisville next week at 2-0. That was based on Carolina royally thumping essentially the same bunch o’ Deacons last year in Kenan. I figured it would be a 10 points or less W for the Sons Of Choo Choo because nobody routs a Jim Grobe team….. except an Everett Withers’ team last year. I was wrong.
I also predicted a Duke W in Palo Alto. Ouch! Wonder who Johnny Dawkins was pulling for in that one? Speaking of Johnny Dawkins….. what’s your favorite Lance Thomas joke…. so far?
It’s September 2012 and the only Athletics Dept in the Triangle NOT being fitted for an orange jumpsuit and prison tatt is NC freakin’ State !! I’m sure that is in Revelations as a sure sign of the Apocalypse. I digress…… READ MORE
