Rimshots: 08/16/12

August15/ 2012

Embarrassing for UNC?  Sure…. But

……. With the Olympics over for another four years, what should America fixate on?  Apparently it came down to two choices:   (1) Joe Biden OMGwould slip a whoopee cushion under Queen Elizabeth…. or (2) We would learn that Julius Peppers was not as academically gifted as he was athletically.

The Peppers option won out except on ESPN Beijing and ESPN Guam.   According to the press release from Lynch Mobs R Us…. and their journo-hero Dan “The Googler” Kane.

Bill Lumaye introduced me on WPTF yesterday – “BobLee is a UNC Insider.  He knows all about this Peppers kerfluffle”.

I ‘m not sure I know ALL, but I certainly knew that Julius Peppers walked an academic tightrope during his entire time as a “student” at UNC.   Everyone I know around UNC knew “Pep” was not too peppy when it came to book-larnin’.

He could do a standing backflip in full pads and had a vertical jump that Spud Webb might envy.  But diagramming sentences, translating Portugese sonnets, and knowing who Washington DC was named for….. not so good at that.   Pep was as thick between his ears as he was across his massive chest.  But is that a crime?

I know what you are thinking.  Was Julius “amphibious”?

I’m not going to “go there”.   I’m going to piss off the Lynch Mobbers enough in another few paragraphs.

NOTE:  UNC officials should declare a moratorium on “Julius” for awhile.  Orange Julius…. Julius Caesar….. Julius LaRosa….. UNC, as an institution, doesn’t seem to fare well these days with guys named “Julius”.   Just my suggestion.  UNC hasn’t taken many of my suggestions the past few months.   See where that has gotten’em!

During the seven semesters that Julius Peppers was enrolled as a student at UNC, he was carefully manuvered thru the eligibility minefield by “handlers”.  The handlers’ job was to get Julius into and thru courses that would not impede his ability to play Big Time College Football & Basketball.   KEEP JULIUS ELIGIBLE was the sole objective.  As strange as that might sound….. it is not a crime.

I have no idea how Julius did academically prior to arriving at UNC.  He did arrive with a high school diploma.  There is an SAT test score that was deemed high enough to get him by Admissions.   Was Juilius’ SAT score Washburn-esque – 475?  I don’t know.  Let’s ask Dan Kane.

Assuming that “the transcript seen round the world (except Bejing and Guam)” is indeed Pep’s…. he seems to have taken every single “boat course” in the UNC marina.

We now know for a fact that UNC does NOT offer Underwater Basketweaving.  If so, Julius woulda surely taken it.   But is THAT a crime?

Of the few courses on Pep’s transcript that do not have the letters AFAM in the title. He seemed to struggle.   A coincidence?   His infamous D in a Drama class became the stuff of legend along picturesque Franklin Street.   He got the D after he was allowed to retake the exam.  But is THAT a crime?

Dan Kane nor the Lynch Mob googlers who do all of Dan’s research for him have NOT indicated that Pep plagiarized anything or that a tutor did his work.  If so, they sure didn’t do a very good job.  Way too many D’s.

Q:  BobLee, where was award-winning AD Richard “Dickie” Baddour while all this was going on?
A:  …. at the lunch counter of Sutton’s Drug Store making motorboat sounds in his Old Well water.

Julius Peppers did not have the academic wherewithal to satisfactorily perform mainstream college-level classwork.  Duh!

If Dumb was Illegal…. Joe Biden would be in Sing Sing on bread & water.
If Dumb was Illegal…. Dumplin’ Perdue would not be allowed to use sharp-pointed scissors.

MAYBE:  Pep simply was a savant when it came to AFAM courses?
MAYBE:  Sasquatch rides a unicorn to work as one of Santa’s elves?
MAYBE:  TA McLendon did cross the goalline?
MAYBE:  TA majored in Nuclear Engineering at State?
I can’t say definitively on any of the above. …… maybe it was Aerospace Engineering?

Based on his academic achievements at UNC, if Pep had blown out his knee in his final game in Kenan Stadium negating an NFL career…. would he be back in Wilson sweeping floors at Lee Gliarmis’ Hot Dog Stand?  Possibly. He has had a very lucrative NFL career.  That D in Drama has not impeded his success.

Julius Peppers and other UNC athletes were obviously guided along an “eligibility tract” during their student experience.

Very embarrassing and quite hypocritical for “The University of The People”?  Well, Yeah.
Will a busload of NCAA goons be arriving back on campus.  Doubtful.
Is this somehow Johnny Swofford’s fault?  Isn’t everything?
Has the NASDAQ value of every UNC diploma fallen thru the floor?  Oh, for heaven’s sakes.
Would Kindly Ol’ Bill Friday weep if allowed to read this sad saga?  Probably.

Does this officially debunk the vaunted Carolina Way?  Yes, but The Tooth Fairy Lives on.

BobLee, Whats the latest on “the other Julius”?  Julius #1?  He’s still in that Argentine prison on drug smuggling charges…. oops, that’s the OTHER UNC professor.  Latest GPS report has Julius #1 backpacking across The Kalahari with Obama’s half-brother.

Is AFAM a bogus course of study?  Many think so.
Effete academicians forever burdened with terminal liberal-guilt don’t think so.  They control UNC’s curriculum.   Will AFAM be revised based on all this Julius-ization?  Effete guilt-ridden academicians are a stubborn bunch.  I bet not.

Embarrassing UNC ??? You’d think so, But: This is the institution that pays Gene Nichol $250,000 to teach one class and run John Edwards’ Poverty Center.  Wanna embarrass my Alma Mater…. better bring your A game.

Advice to the Rabid Lynch Mob:

Roll your eyes all you wish about Julius The Faux-Student
….. and don’t forget “Michael Jordan’s degree in Geography”.

Lead a freakin’ Klan March on the AFAM Center.

Post 1,782 anonymous comments on every Dan Kane article.

Blame “The Carolina Way” for every disappointment you’ve ever suffered or will suffer in Life.
We all need something silly to blame for our oops.  We can’t all use George Bush.

But to “bring down UNC” ya gotta do better than…..

Julius Peppers’ academic career at UNC was a joke.  

We’ve all known THAT for ten years.   Tell us something we don’t know.  Google Dan Google.

“Something” may very well be out there.  I wouldn’t doubt it.


“Little Eyes Upon You….”

…… There is a great poem about the responsibilities of being a role model that reminds athletes  “…..there are little eyes upon you and they’re watching day and night.”  That applies to Internet Legends too.

Last Saturday I was attending a UNC FB practice on Navy Field.  It was a by invitation situation.  I knew a number of the other invitees.  Several enjoyable hours spent reminiscing with various groups of guys, former lettermen, etc.

You know the drill…. chit chatting among various small groups.  So Deems May enters a conversation I was having with a former UNC co-capt from the 60s and a world-renown orthopedic surgeon.

Deems and I used to tailgate with the same group – Friends of Norwood.  Deems and I have differing opinions re: certain aspects of The Great Unpleasantness.  We both have public forums for expressing our opinions.  We greeted one another, shook hands, and that was that.    Well, not quite.  ….. “(beady) little eyes were upon us”.

Monday AM I get three emails with copies of a Internet comment re: Deems and BobLee’s 20-second encounter.  The comment was “a bit” exaggerated.   If Deems ran me up the flagpole by my heels, I sure don’t recall it…. or being crammed in a dumpster.   I blinked, shared a laugh with the senders and reminded myself that “celebrity” has its drawbacks.

Hard as it may be to believe…. there is a mini-gang o’ goobers in Chapel Hill who don’t like me at all.  They gather around a shrine to Butcher and urinate on copies of my columns.  YIKES!

Who Knew….. I was personally responsible for Butcher getting canned?
Aw shucks, I couldna done it without Art Chansky’s help.

Rumor has it there is a chapter of that same club that meets regularly in Amedeo’s back room on Western Blvd. …. sigh.  Both groups will have a field day with today’s.

At least Harry Reid isn’t spreading rumors about me….. yet!

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