Calgon, Take Me Away….

July16/ 2012

To no surprise, that last column (aka “Buford Pusser”) was a Top Five Viewed BLSays of the over 1,500 since 1998.  It was posted on fan forums of three ACC rival schools as well as ECU.  If 1,000s of views was my only purpose here I could hit the Butch/Baddour/Blake pinata every week and watch the view-ometer spin.  Frankly it depresses the heck out of me.  And the Paterno crap.  Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of new angles on it to reveal in the weeks to come…. but not now…. This past weekend I kicked-back and immersed myself in a 28 hour Nelson DeMille novel.  I said; “Calgon, Take Me Away!” ….. I recommend you do the same at least for a few days…..

There are no heroes in The Great Unpleasantness.  There are a few “evil-doers”. There are more than a few naive and, thru their naivite, incompetent administrators.  There is still a faction that is drunk on Carolina Way wine.  But this comic-tragedy has now become interactive and the abject foolishness has crossed the proscenium arch.  The audience watching the actors are becoming as foolish as the active participants.  If you think I might be talking about “you” you might be correct.

I have learned over the past few months that I have been “on point” from Day One at every step of this mess.  In the early stages I was, frankly, guessing on a few points.  Son-of-a-bitch if I wasn’t dead solid perfect in my narrative.  This mess isn’t anywhere near over.  We will follow it wherever it leads.  But not today.

On Friday I started a 28-hour Nelson DeMille novel – Word of Honor – loosely based on the My Lai Massacre of Viet Nam.  I’ve reistened to 3-4 DeMille audiobooks and enjoyed every one.  Most audiobooks are 8-14 hours long.  28-hour is a hefty committment.  But it was compelling.  As the weekend wore on I found that listening to the book kept my mind off both the UNC Mess and the national political crap.  I let AgentPierce handle that crap these days, but it can wear you down too.

Even in a mid-July heat wave, our screened-in back porch is a perfect arboreal get-away.  Armed with headphones, iPhone and DeMille book, I simply tuned-out.  Blondie gets lost in her books too so she understood.  She just finished the Louis L’Amour Sackett Series at my urgings.  I finished the book around noon having already decided to post a Golden Oldie as today’s column.

I promise I will continue to tell you what did happen & why…. and what will happen & why as regards The Great Unpleasantness.  Until then just remember ….. There Are No Heroes.


Dad Dad Guess What !!!! (from 2008)

The call from Kid in far-off Missouri came on the landline around 9 PM last night.  Her joy and enthusiasm in her opening statement waylaided any fear I might have had that this was “bad news”.  …. What is was was EXACTLY WHY Blondie and I were agreeable to our only child REALLY “going away to school”.  1,000 miles is officially “away”.

“Dad, Dad, GUESS WHAT?  …. I bought A POWER TOOL!”

I knew Kid was in the process of moving from one temporary summer school apartment to the house she will be sharing with three other “good Christian girls” when real school starts in mid-August.  She had been consulting with Blondie over “window treatments”.  “Window treatments” and feminine hygiene are designated “ask your mother” subjects in our family.

With that remarkable intuition that Dads develop, I processed her announcement and countered …. “Let me guess.  You bought a battery-operated screwdriver?”

“YES … how did you guess?”
“It’s a Dad thing …. Besides reciprocating saws are too heavy for you to carry out of the store.”
“Oh …. Well this screwdriver is just the coolest thing ever!”
“Here’s a little secret.  You can reverse the “screw in” feature so it “screws out”.  You could go around and loosen the screws in your housemates furniture.”
“DAD, we’re all good Christian girls.”
“Yes, I know and PRAISE THE LORD for that!  You want to tell your mom?”
“Gotta warn you … she had a bad dental experience today and is recuperating out on the back porch with a bottle of Bollinger and her latest Coldwater Creek catalogue.”

The point of this scenario is that if Kid was at Chapel Hill or Meredith or Campbell or Elon or anywhere within 200 miles, I would probably have been called to “come help me hang my blinds”.

I would have strapped on my BobLee The Tool Guy belt and armed myself like a Black & Decker version of a one-Dad SEAL team and gone and done it for her like I did for 18 years.  She is outside the 200 miles “Call Dad to fix it” boundary.

Necessity for a window treatment and “no Dad around” is the Mother of Self-Reliance.

While Kid did indeed earn her 4.0 after two semesters at Mizzou, her mastery of a battery-operated screwdriver is a major feather in her “get prepared for LIFE” education.


Yes, I saw where Dickie Baddour is publicly endorsing Butcher for his next job wherever it may be.
A pathological liar being recommended by a certified fool….. Sure, Why not?

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