What Is Johnny Depp Doing?

May08/ 2012

A pal and I were driving back from a recent sortie into Orange County when the odd question arose “What are such/such celebrities doing right now?”  Johnny Depp, aka “Captain” Jack Sparrow, being one example. The premise being everyone fills their day doing something.  Life’s mundanities exist regardless of one’s Q Rating……. and BobLee takes a peek at the upcoming NCAA verdict agin The Flagship.   Not THAT!

Think about it.  Everybody does something every day even if “something” is curl into a fetal position and vegg out.  Fame and fortune may dictate the creature comforts and responsibilities that accompany one’s daily personal adventure, but certain universal functions link us all.

How to phrase this next part?  Our 5-Star “good taste” rating hangs in the balance here.  Every guy knows this truism.  Maybe gals have their version of it.  I call it The Jaclyn Smith Rule after the former “so pretty she makes your hair hurt” Charlie’s Angel and made-for-TV movie diva.

A handful of basic human functions are part of the life sustaining cycle that keep our bodies operating.  Every animal shares those functions supposedly.  Well not according to The Jaclyn Smith Rule.  One function in particular is done in solitary past the age of three or four.  It is very personal but quite necessary EXCEPT for the Jaclyn Smiths of the world.  They simply don’t do “it”.  When God designs something drop-dead gorgeous He installs a different plumbing system is all I can figure.

Every barbershop, locker room, and duck blind has had “that conversation” where guys speculate the list of who is indeed equipped with that special plumbing system.  “Skanky gals” don’t get it.  It’s just the handful of “pure drop dead gorgeous” ones who have it.  I’ve added Carrie Underwood to the list in recent years.  Jaclyn Smith (and Donna Reed) being long ago in the Hall of Fame.

You have your list I’m sure.  Feel compelled to share it in “comments” if you just have to.

Where were we?  ….. so everyone wakes up and fills their waking hours somehow.  If Johnny Depp is doing a movie he “goes to work” and does what an actor does.  Drew Brees does what an athlete does.  Joe Biden puts on one black sock and one blue one and then gets his tie caught in the toaster.  Everyone is always doing something even if something is not very much in some cases.

The daffy Kardashians fill their days doing whatever daffy divas do.  They are NOT on that earlier list by the way.  Stepdaddy Bruce Jenner wakes up…. rearranges the botox in his plastic face…. and joins Gary Busey for a McMuffin at the Mickey D’s on LaCienega.  Bruce and Gary are doing something.

As you do your assorted somethings today, think about what some famous somebody might be doing.   Leave “saving Western Civilization” to those of us with our own websites.


NCAA Verdict Nears:  UNCers and ABCers alike can sense it.   Somewhere in an Indianapolis mid-rise office a gal named Irene or Gladys is typing up The Official NCAA Verdict for UNC’s assorted transgressions.  BobLee slipped Irene/Gladys a five-spot and got a sneak peek…..

There is NOT “a bowl ban”.  BUT WAIT….. before all you wuffies start gargling thumbtacks convinced that the Unfairness of Life is too much to bear.

Upon examining the colossal trainwreck otherwise known as Christmas In Shreveport, NCAA jurists decided on slightly more creative restitution:

Following the 2012 season, UNC must ruin their holidays with, not one, but TWO of these embarrassingly irrelevant dummm “bowls”.

…… Subject the entire program, team, pep band, and 273 die-hard fans to Christmas In Wichita…. or Fresno….. or Ypsilanti.  Pick two of the three.  Play some whozit team from a community college in Vermont before 3,642 disinterested goobers in a run-down high school stadium.  For which the players will receive a bag of swag aka “crap you win at a State Fair midway”.  One item being a cheap cell-phone pre-set with a “216” area code…… If the players then try to resell their crappy swag they get sent to a Turkish prison.

Rival recruiting coordinators are accumulating brochures from Wichita, Fresno and Ypsilanti tourism bureaus….. and you-tubes of Turkish prisons.

Our favorite new AD – Bubba Cunningham – hopes to reduce the two horrid bowl trips to just one by offering to feed “Uncle Julius” N’yangoro AND BOTBob into a wood chipper feet-first.  “Ooooo…. Bubba, can I help with that?”

Somewhat related….. Butch “Sgt Schultz” Davis and BFF John Blake were self-proclaimed expert recruiters and appraisers of talent.  (Butch also claims to have invented fire, the wheel, and Pop-Tarts!).  It is ironic that the Top Two NFLers from UNC’s Butch Era may end up being:

T.J. Yates and Hakeem Nicks – both John Bunting Recruits   

Somewhere off Topsail Beach, a woman named Dawn is laughing her butt off.

Just suppose….. back in August you had placed $100 bet at Caesars’ Sport Book that in January a Triangle-area QB would have his team in the 2nd round of the NFL Playoffs….. and that QB’s name would be Yates…. not Rivers?  Ain’t life a hoot?

!!!  TEBOW  !!!
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