Rimshots 04/12/12

April11/ 2012

Ozzie & Fidel
…… I get why Cuban exiles in Miami really don’t like Fidel Castro.  A number of liberal Democrats DO like Castro; but none of them manage the Miami Marlins – Ozzie Guillen does – but not for the next five games.
Ozzie “being Ozzie” has always been good copy for lazy sports journalists.  Guillen’s reputation is based on him making provocative comments.  Saying what was interpreted, as “I love Fidel Castro” has now redefined “Ozzie Said What?” for all times.  At least in Dade County.
Ozzie, from Venezuela, is marginally fluent in English.  Intending to say “ya got to give Castro credit for surviving in power for 50 years”, Ozzie got tongue-tied and it came out so very very wrong.  Ozzie has sincerely apologized for his major faux pas; but its 2012.  Once a mad mob is formed, it takes on a life of its own – truth be damned.   No word yet if Malik Zulu Shabazz has posted a bounty on Ozzie.  Lets hope not.

Only 17 more Majors to go for Bubba
…… With a very few exceptions, sports journalists aren’t known for original thinking.  Being oh-so-predictable to a very pedestrian audience is their forte.  All Hail Bubba Watson – Only 17 More Majors to catch Jack.  Let the countdown begin.
Rory ???  Whatever happened to Rory?  And lets put all those “Is Tiger back?” headlines back in storage until Tiger makes two birdies in a row in a Pro-Am in Dubai and they will sprout up again.
And that purchase order for the bidet for the Augusta National lockerroom…. put that on hold for 50 weeks ‘til next April.

Bobby Ewing’s Shower
……. Bobby Ewing’s Shower lasted longer than Lamar Kardashian-Odom’s career as a Maverick.

The 50% Rule
…… comments to our last column were an excellent reminder of The 50% Rule – Universal among ALL fan bases:
50% of all unfavorable rumors about players/coaches are FALSE.  All those about our team’s players/coaches.  
That other 50% about everyone else’s players/coaches are, of course, TRUE.
In the case of a bitter rival, 110% of those “juicy rumors” are actually understatements of how purely no-account their players/coaches really are. ???
Nothing said here will ever change this universal truism.  But we love pointing it out every time because it is at the core of sports fan foolishness.

Raylan Really “Disarms” Quarles
….. A wild night in Harlan County.  In a gory confrontation in Limehouse’s slaughterhouse, Raylan literally disarmed Robert Quarles with the help of Limehouse’s meat cleaver.  Not for the squeamish…. Season Three of Justified ended with Raylan realizing that his daddy, Crazy Ol’ Arlo, meant to kill him rather than the KHP officer…. Boyd is freed into Ava’s arms as a pregnant Winona plans her future.

#1 Recruit Chooses Kentucky
….. This year’s “greatest ever” Nerlen Noel (?) has chosen Kentucky.  Rather than picking a cap out of a bag – he carved Kentucky into his hair.  A UK nutjob fan offered Noel his wife (true story) if he would sign with Calipari.  Oddly, there is no NCAA rule against “that”.  No picture of the offered spouse accompanied the offer.  It was NOT Ashley Judd.

Former Players Meet-Greet Larry Fedora
….. This weekend UNC’s Football Alumni will meet “the new guy” Larry Fedora.  Its an annual tradition for former Tar Heel gridders to gather for a weekend reunion coinciding with the Spring Game.
This year, in addition to “Larry the new coach”, there will be a very special “John the former coach” in attendance.  The Burly Blue-bleeder – John Bunting returns as a former player.  The circumstances of his departure notwithstanding, John has always been popular among the Band Of Brothers.  The departure of Butch & Baddour clears the way for a comfortable return visit for John.  It will be very good to welcome Larry…. and John.
Several 100s will gather in The Kenan FB Center including Bubba The Real AD, #23 From Garden City, Little Ricky, Prince Albert, Big Bobby, Louie, Cowell, et al….. in addition to the “grid legends” there will be a Sports Medicine Legend AND an Internet Legend….. ZiggaZoomba!

Jeff Long Has “A Pair”
….. Standing alone at the podium with Razorback logos behind him, Arkansas AD Jeff Long became the poster boy for Big Time College ADs ”With A Pair” – not caving in to sleazy coaches and babbling nitwit fans.  Jeff is in a very exclusive club at the moment.  Kudos aplenty to Jeff Long.
He fired the no-count lying rascal Petrino “for cause” = No Buy-out…. Just Get-out.
Did you notice there was no Univ Arkansas Admin standing with Jeff Long?  That, of course, is how UNC should have canned The Butcher but that way requires “a real AD” which UNC did not have at that time…. but, thankfully, does now.
Am I the only one wondering how Jessica Dorrell’s fiancée is handling all this?  Petrino’s “biker babe” was scheduled to marry the Arkansas Swimming coach on June 8.  Gotta wonder how that stands now.
Over 4,300 text messages and 300+ phone calls between Bobby & Jessica over the past six months !!!  4,300 text messages – HOLY COW!!  Hello Mrs Petrino – are you conscious?
Yes, Jeff Long DID HIRE this lying weasel four years ago knowing he was a lying weasel.
How does “this” affect future lying weasels like Petrino?  There are other Petrinos out there right now. Will all big time “coach-gods” now be held accountable for their arrogant attitudes – “You can’t fire ME, I’m a god to these pathetic drooling goobers”?   Nope, probably not, but at least one of’em got what he deserved.   Sooooeee Pig!
Does Arkansas want “an advisor” with lots of baggage and a foggy memory? – if so, call Jimma Sexton in Memphis.

Just suppose…. UNC had not paid the $250,000 “ransom” to keep Butchie from vamoosing to Arkansas after Year One.  How many lives would have been effected… how many columns would I have not written…. aaahhhh – “what might have been ????”

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