Rimshots: Thurs 12/01

December01/ 2011

…… Ol’ Roy Said WHAT?   Among Life’s delightful predictables are Ol’ Roy’s annual Ol’ Roy Rants.  Roy has become the Puxatawny Phil of “How come he said that?”  This year’s offering was innocuous as usual
with just a smidge of relevance – re: UNC fans selling their game tickets to rival fans.  This is a non-subject that board monkeys love to rail about.   To even suggest “something HAS to be done about this!” is ridiculous.  That Roy and the nutjobs get torqued about it is equally ridiculous but funny as hell.
With ORW it is not so much what he actually says as it is the blustering sincerity in his goofiness.   ORW noted that he might use a BB gun to run off such malfactors in the future.  THIS, of course, got rival goober fans in full-throated roar.  The response from NC State cyber simians was shock & awe.

Roy With A BB Gun immediately elevated to “he’s worse than a pedophile”. …. Should Bubba and Holden be arrested for not immediately firing Roy?  Should the NCAA, CIA, NAACP, Rotary International, Homeland Security and Interpol launch independent investigations into Ol’ Roy The Insane Vigilante?
Will “people Roy has shot with a BB gun” start emerging from the shadows to tell their sad tales?  Did Holden warn Bubba that Ol’ Roy was nuttier than a Payday bar?

Speaking of hating rival coaches 
….. The Dungeons & Dragons Nutjob Fans hate all coaches except their own …. and periodically also hate their own.  Ergo, rival fan nutjobs are demanding Jim Boeheim be drawn, quartered, castrated and water boarded for not “doing something about Bernie Fine”.  That he did not know Bernie was a pedophile is not a possibility among the Kangaroo Court Mob since Boeheim is otherwise easy to dislike any way.

BTCFb Coaching Carousel
….. College Football’s Silly Season is officially underway – coaches are being axed faster than Lizzie Borden’s mamma and daddy.  Madame Guillotine is working overtime as “sleeping giants” fail to awake.  Fan mobs pressure admins to “off their heads” and go get this season’s flavor-of-the-month whizbang coordinator.
Congrats to Washington State for inking Mike Leach.  As predicted here earlier, Leach will fill their stadium, excite their fan base and win a lot in a relatively short time. …. Urban to The Horseshoe makes total sense.  He will immediately do very well.  BobLee likes Urban.

What is Bubba up to?
….. Kudos to Bubba for keeping his coach searching on the QT.  Wild ass speculation being gnawed on the monkey boards is pure hokum.  I still predict a Grobe-type – an experienced low-profile Head Coach who has documented success developing talent and running a clean program.   I have no favorite in mind – just so long as the ButchBunch In The Basement are sufficiently enraged at the eventual choice.

Scott Stankavage Is Off The Snide
….. Local trivia buffs have to get out the Wite-Out.  “Scott Stankavage” is no longer the answer to Who was UNC’s most successful NFL QB.  T.J. Yates has replaced Scott by getting his Houston Texans uniform dirty last week.  Congrats to T.J. – one of our favorite Tar Heels. …. This now leaves Kay Kyser’s College of Musical Knowledge as “the only college without an NFL QB alum“.  Ish Kabible was a nickle back.

Tebow & Suh
…… The 2011 NFL season will be known as The Tim & Suh Show.   How do the Broncos keep winning with “that obnoxious Christian” at QB?  Who did Ndama….. Suh beat up this week?  Well, someone had to fill the void when Terrell Owens was scrapped.

NFL & BTCFb Attendance
….. Yawn.  Yours truly is correctomundo AGAIN.  Attendance for college football and The NFL is down across the board as fans stay in their living rooms with their HD flat screens.   Look for this trend to continue as costs of going to a game continue to escalate as prices for large flat screens continue to deescalate.
Regular season empty seats will be nothing compared to bowl game empty seats.  Expect very tight camera shots and upper decks to be closed off as bowl promoters try desperately to avoid “a Wallace Wade look” at their games.

UNC Does Find $$$ To
….. With its operating budget slashed to “using one-ply toilet paper in its public restrooms”; UNC-CH does find the financial resources to now offer “Meditation Rooms” for its muslim contingent.  Anyone surprised by this latest PC-absurdity just doesn’t realize the real meaning of The Carolina Way. …. and they wonder why I stopped giving decades ago.

Chick Soccer Finals
….. Three ACC schools are in The NCAA Chick Soccer Final Four and none of them are Anson’s Flying Ponytails.  What are the odds of THAT?   Duke, Wake and Florida State are still going for glory while the juggernaut regroups.

Wrap Rage ??
….. How insanely frustrated do you get trying to open vacuum-sealed packaging? The condition has a name now – Wrap Rage.  What color ribbon do we wear for this?  Will there be a celebrity spokesperson shilling for “easy opening packaging”?  Is it covered by ObamaCare?

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